Unplanned pregnancy and unhappy OH :(

[jools21]

Well here is my story..
I am 25yrs old and in my final year at uni, I was on the pill and I have PCOS so truly thought the chances of me concieving were very slim. I found out yesterday I am 4 weeks pregnant. Initially I was beyond shocked, scared and nervous but the more I warm to it the more I want to be excited. Except I have a bf that is very unexcited and unhappy about this. We have only been together for 3 months and has said he will support me no matter what but he doesn't want me to keep it. I am in pieces trying to make a rational decision. Any words of wisdom? My mum seemed very unimpressed as well which didn't help Thanks for reading xx

 

[RBurnett]

Hi personally I would go with want I wanted to do. If I wanted to keep the baby then I would but thats just me!

 

[tryin4baby]

WSS ^^ plus i do not believe in abortion.

 

[sezabell]

my friend is having a baby and it was a complete shock her bf wasnt very happy and suggested not keeping it, but after a few weeks he came round and is now very happy he is going to be a daddy
i would let him get over the initial shock men seem to get very scared by the baby talk

 

[Geegees]

I'd keep it too! But at the end of the day it's your decision! I'm sure your mum will come round to the idea, and your OH, give him a bit of time. It's a massive shock.
((hugs))

 

[Jaylynne]

Aw Hun, it's your baby so ultimately YOU make the decision. Don't let anyone push their feelings on you when it's not what you think is the right thing to do for you and baby. I'm 26 and this wasn't exactly the best time for us either but the further along I go the happier I am about being a mom. Even though my husband is "excited" he really isn't the overly enthusiastic type so it's easy to miss. Most guys aren't fully on board with a baby until it is in their arms.

 

[Mari30me]

I am sorry you are having a tough time with OH. I think you should go with your gut. Onyl you know what is best for you. Good luck with whatever you decide.

 

[Charlie_x]

WSS ^^ plus i do not believe in abortion.

 

[jennijunni]

It is your body, your baby. If you want to keep the baby then keep it. You are a 25 yo adult woman, who cares if your mom is not happy about it?? You need to do what in your heart, you think is best, for YOU and for your BABY!! GL and lots of hugs!

 

[kiki04]

This is just MY point of view on things so take what you will....

Seeing as how you and your b/f have only been together for 3 months, there is no guarantee he will be yours forever. However, this child will always be yours. That is one guarantee in life. I would never eliminate the one thing that is a guarantee for something/someone who could be a temporary. And you are 25 years old, so it isnt like you are 15 yrs old barely getting on. You are finishing up university so I presume you will be able to financially support this baby just fine with proper education/career. I dont know any other aspects of your life, but based on what we have been given..... I would definately say keep your baby, to hold and love forever and ever

 

[kat2504]

It's early days in the pregnancy and you two have also not been together long so he probably feels that both he, and your relationship, are not ready for a baby. He may be right, but that doesn't change the fact that you are pregnant.
If you decide to continue with the pregnancy, he will probably be less negative about it as time goes on. If he sees a scan, or when the baby is born for example. When it is a real person it is much harder to be negative. Also he has promised you his support which is more than some reluctant fathers do! I reckon it is just such a massive shock for him right now.

Ultimately only you can decide. I would make that decision assuming that you may well be bringing up the baby as a single parent but with his financial and practical support hopefully as the partner. If you are happy to do that then go ahead. I'm not saying your relationship won't work out, just that your decision to have the baby has to be because that it what you want to do.

If you are considering a termination then go and see your GP sooner rather than later and ask to be referred to BPAS or Marie Stopes or wherever for counselling. They are trained to help people work through their choices and make a decision that is best for them. They won't pressure you into termination, but of course you do have that option open if you feel it would be best for you.

My feeling is that you want to keep the baby. I am saying this because you are posting on a pregnancy forum and saying you are warming to the idea. The only negative thing you say is about your boyfriend not wanting it. You don't say anything about not wanting it yourself or worrying about the negative impact on your life. If that is the case, stick to your guns and don't allow your self to be pressured.

whatever you decide, go and see a doctor soon so you can get help with this and get your medical care sorted out.

 

[luckybreak]

sorry you are going thru this when it should be a happy moment, like the ladies said it is your decision..I am not for abortion but I am going to say that at the end of the day is your decision, don't let anybody push you to do something you dont want to do. Good luck in whatever you decide!

 

[dreamqueen]

You have to do whats right for you. What YOU want to do. Dont ever do something because someone else wanted you to. You would never forgive yourself. Im talking from experience here. It MUST be your decision. Good luck xx

 

[TheNewMrs]

My thoughts? (and I am quite blunt!)

If he REALLY didnt want you to get pregnant he should have taken precaution too! Anyway, Baby's here now, growing away, will even have a heartbeat very soon, You should be on cloud nine, I am 23, married, not exactly financially stable, hubby's mum FLIPPED when we told her we were pregnant. and I will also admit that even though we WERE trying, hubby was a bit stand-offish at the start. I think its onle thing saying you want a baby but knowing its on the way is entirely different, I think he was like that for about a week and now cant pass a babyshop.

I am 100% against abortion, so I say have the baby weather your going to keep it or not, there's plenty on couples dying to adopt..

I've been pregnant for 11 weeks now and I am CRAZY in love with the baby growing inside me. I do have worries, and concerns, and "what if's" we all have them. Its normal. But this could just be the BEST thing thats EVER happened to you.......

 

[future_numan]

I was only 16 yrs old when I got pregnant with my oldest daughter..
Everyone ( my parents, the father even friends ) tried to bully me into either "ending" the pregnancy or giving the baby up for adoption.. my mom even went as far as to talking a aunt into adopting the baby..
I nearly feel apart in the begining but finally I grew strong and did what my heart told me was right for me..
I went through the pregnancy and kept and raised my daughter.. she is now almost 22 yrs old and a Uni. Grad who is happy and a bright spot in all of our live.. including those who bullied me..
You need to look to your own heart and do what's right for you... these other people will get over it.. trust me !

 

[romeo.juliet]

what do you want? If you make a decision based on what someone else wants then you may end up regretting it for the rest of your life. Go with how you feel, not everyone else.

 

[MaybeP]

It really is fully your decision. I know that its hard because you feel that it is his baby too and he should be a part of the decision and he should, but ultimately it is your body and he can't tell you what to do with it. If you feel that now just isn't the time then by all means, talk to your doctor. I got pregnant unexpectedly, I was on the pill and neither of us were really in a position to have a baby. But we decided to keep the baby and as time goes further we're finding that it is more possible than we knew to have this baby. Our lives are changing to accomodate him/her and we're changing and becoming more mature. Honestly though, woman become mothers the minute they find out. They can feel the changes in their body and know there is a baby growing in there and they fall in love but men really don't become fathers until the baby is born and in their arms.

I just want to let you know about my cousin though. 10 years ago she was 19 and got pregnant, her parents basically made her get an abortion. A year later she met the man of her dreams, they got married, she got a good job ect. and for the last 5 years she has been trying to conceive but the doctors say it is unlikely. She holds such a grudge against her parents and it is the biggest regret she has. She's depressed and feels she has ruined the one chance she had to have a child.

Just know that its always a possibility so try to believe in fate. Goodluck

 

[bananaz]

I'm 24 and in a similar position. Even though we've been together for 5 years, my OH keeps going back and forth between being excited and trying to get me to terminate the pregnancy. It's confusing and upsetting, especially when my own emotions are so conflicted.

Ultimately though the decision is yours - it's your body and you're the one who will have to live with this decision for the rest of your life. I know it's easier said than done, but try not to let yourself feel pressured either way. I hope you at least have supportive family and/or friends?

 

[Lisa2701]

Hey hun,

I sorta know the situation you are in. I fell pregnant with my DS after knowing my OH only 4 months, it was a huge shock to both of us. I was excited from day 1, he was scared but very quickly came round, our son is now almost 7 and we are happily married.! Oh and I was only 18 at the time My parents were scared for me as I had health issues and his mother hated me so wasn't thrilled about the idea but we done what we wanted to and now our son is the first and only grand child on both sides and is much loved and spoiled by both grandparents

I say you gotta do what YOU and only YOU want to do. I know someone who let their bf push them into an abortion and she deeply regretted it and resented him for it, in the end they spilt as a result! I am sure your mother will support you no matter what, she just needs time.

 

[Rhiaberry]

Hun i honestly believe that people will come round to the idea, of beng a dad, granny etc, your in very very early days with the pregnancy as it is, try not to stress to much, at the end of the day it IS YOUR choice, if you are secretly excited, then its a sign you want this baby, its a miracle for you, just hold out, abortion is very inhumane hun. hope you make that right decision. xx