Unplanned pregnancy

[corgankidd]

Hi everyone. I'm sorry if this post offends anyone, I really don't mean to, I'm just so emotional right now. I'm really hoping to hear from people who had conflicted feelings about an unplanned pregnancy.

I recently found out I am pregnant and having a really hard time coping with it. I already have 2 kids and my husband and I were 1000% sure our family was complete. I also recently quit my job, so we went to a 1 income household, and am in my 3rd semester of nursing school, so we are already pretty stressed. I'm not happy about the pregnancy but my husband is REALLY not happy! He wants me to terminate but I just know I could not do that. I went for a dating scan yesterday and know I should be about 6 weeks but my ob said she couldn't see much and thought she should be seeing more. So this may not even be a viable pregnancy, but if it is I need to start trying to accept it.
I'm hoping that there are other ladies out there that may have gone through something similar and can give me some advice. When did you get excited? Did your husband ever come around?
Thank you if you've read this far!

 

[Livvy]

Hugs hun, I’m so sorry you’re going through that! All the hormones definitely don’t help emotions. I don’t have a lot of advice but I’m in a similar boat except my husband was happy about the pregnancy and I was devastated. We have 2 already pretty close together and I already felt a little like I was drowning BEFORE I found out I was pregnant. Here I am at 36 weeks and unfortunately I’m still not thrilled about the timing of it all, but I am ready to meet the new little person and I’m sure I will bond with them just like I did my other two— I’m just going to be tired for a while. All that to say, you are not alone, it’s ok to have big emotions when things don’t go as planned, and don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for not being excited/thankful. Give yourself and your DH time.

 

[corgankidd]

Thank you Livvy, its somehow comforting to know other people are not super excited as well, makes me feel like less of a sh*t person. Im sorry you are going through this though, its a terrible feeling to not be excited about a life, especially after being so excited with previous pregnancies. I'm trying to take it just one day at a time. When they told me this pregnancy may not be viable, I'm ashamed to say the most incredible relief came over me. So now I am guilt ridden about if it is viable, will I always remember being "happy" about my future baby's demise? If it's not viable was it because my body just knew I didn't want it? Ugh, so many guilty thoughts right now.
I really hope you are right and me and my husband will come around with time

 

[caleblake]

Hi, I completely understand how you are feeling. I have 2 boys who are 6 & 8 and I fell pregnant last year, I still have no idea how. We were so shocked and I was only 6 months away from completing my last year at college which I started when both kids went to school. I was utterly devastated but decided we would deal with it. As time went on I really got used to the idea of having a new wee baby and seeing all the milestones etc. Its been so long for us since we did that. Then sadly at 16 weeks my world turned upside down when we were told his heart had stopped beating. I was inconsolable. I never ever thought we wanted a 3rd baby and it was never in our plans but after loosing one it made me realise that infact we do have space in our homes and Hearts for another little one and that we just didn't know thats what we wanted. Im happy to say I just had my bfp and Im on the journey again to number 3 after years of being done with having kids. Sending so much love xxx

 

[ruby09]

I had very similar feelings with all my pregnancies, and they were planned. I tend to get really high anxiety when the hormones hit me, and I really freak out. This time it was particularly bad, and I suffered from a bit of antenatal depression. I couldn't help thinking that I made a mistake, even though I planned for it. I've been taking an antidepressant throughout the pregnancy, and over time I've felt much better about it. I think the feelings you're having are normal for any woman. Give yourself some time to think and adjust to see if that helps, and don't feel guilty. You can't help the thoughts that pop into your head. Do what you can to take care of you for now.

 

[Spudtastic]

Hi. I'm feeling sick because i have 2 kids, 100% certain i don't want more kids and i have taken two digital tests tests. One says yes one says no. Ughhhh.

Sorry for short post.

 

[dizzy65]

 

[CharCharxxx]

You are so not alone in this hun i am definitely an example! I am pregnant with number 4 im due in a week and a half and I've spent most of the pregnany an anxious uptight state as i have been seeing a private therapist for the past year for chronic anxiety issues and i didn't want to take any meds through the pregnancy. I ended up pregnant through a broken condom AND a morning after pill and like yourself, couldn't bear to go through a termination. I went for an 8 week scan at the start and can honestly say i was praying for it to be a blighted ovum. That's been really tough to live with. I've spent so many nights crying looking at my 20 week scan crying witb worry and despair that i could ever not want this baby. I will say that once i got into 3rd trimester like past 30 weeks I have been able to bond with him and now the end is no near I'm sooo excited! Nervous at having 4 obviously but i can't wait now. I'm sure you will be the same way hun i think these things happen for a reason sometimes. Im sure your OH will come round too after a little time. Good luck x

 

[krissie328]

When I got pregnant with my daughter I was very upset. My husband barely acknowledged the pregnancy the entire time. To top it off it was full of problems and I was on and off work from 31 weeks. It wasn't until we headed to the hospital to be induced at 37 weeks that we both kinda talked about it and how upset we were but finally were excited to meet her. We both even admitting having thoughts of termination even though neither thought we could go through with it.

I definitely feel she was a missing piece to our family now that she is here, but the pregnancy was emotional to say the least from both hubby and me.

 

[ParisJeTadore]

First off, caleblake, I am so sorry for your loss Your post brought me to tears.

Corgankidd, I totally know where you are coming from. I had two beautiful boys and my husband and I both decided that two was plenty for us. One single night of failed contraception (first time, ever!...after being together for 12 years) and I fell pregnant. At first it was total shock and truthfully, pretty deep upset. I felt like somebody threw a monkey wrench in our lives. I had plans on returning to work within the next year and was just barely managing raising our two boys (I have fibromyalgia and I always said three would break me). While my husband was supportive (and I am so sorry that yours is struggling with this) it was really hard at first. The amazing thing is, over time (about mid way through my pregnancy) I almost forgot that it wasn't planned and very much looked forward to meeting my baby girl. When reality hits hard there's nothing else to do then embrace your situation and make the very best of it.

Give yourselves time to process this and please don't think that you are being ungrateful for having feelings other than blissed out joy for a new pregnancy. My daughter is almost two, and while truthfully I find it back breaking work taking care of three, she brings me so much joy and I am very grateful for a change in life plans. Things will fall into place...even if there are a few hiccups along the way. Best wishes

 

[corgankidd]

Oh my gosh, thank you all so much for sharing your stories with me! Cale, I am so sorry for your loss but so very happy to hear you are expecting again!
I was convinced this one was a blighted ovum since my ob didn't see anything at 6.5 weeks, so for the week between then and my high tech ultrasound yesterday I was living life like i wasn't prego, but the thought never left my mind. I started getting a little excited about possibly adding another. When i went for the scan yesterday i was 90% sure they wouldn't see anything, but there it was, its little heart beating away. There's no denying it anymore and I'm trying to just see the positives. I have a couple friends who are being very negative about it but im just limiting my time with them.
Hearing what all of you have gone through and how your unplanned pregnancies turned into little blessings is making me feel so much better about all of this. Thank you all so much!