Unsociable?

[AppleBlossom]

Grace is very chatty. Her vocabulary is very advanced for her age. She is the youngest in my immediate family so she is used to being around adults and older children. When she was younger she didn't go to nursery as I couldn't afford it and I wasn't working so I didn't see the need.

She is 3 now and has been going to playschool since January. But while she can chat to the lady who works in the corner shop or a man walking his dog past the park, she won't play with other children.

Before she went to playschool she was awful. If we were in the park and another child tried to play with her she would cry and run away. Once at tumble tots she pushed a kid out of a toy car because she wanted to get in it. I don't fuss over her and she isn't mollycoddled. I encourage her to speak and play with other children all the time.

Since she started playschool she's got better. If a child comes over to play with her now she will go off and play with them for a little bit.

On Friday last week, we stood in the playground with another little girl and Grace asked could she go and play with her. She asks this a lot and of course I say yes but she tends to go up to the child in question, stand in front of them for a few seconds then come running back. She did the same with this little girl only the girl took hold of her hand so she didn't run back to me. For ten minutes they ran around the playground together, they were playing in the planters and they sat next to each other on a bench talking and holding hands. After school I asked who she had played with (which I do every day and get the same answer of "no-one") so I asked her what the little girl's name was and she said she didn't know.

Back at school today and there was a few girls running about and I told Grace to go and join in, one of them came to ask if she wanted to play with them but she hid behind me. Then the girl from last week came and I told Grace to go over and see her and after a while she did. Again the little girl took her hand and they were running about for a bit but then they both came over to me and she said to the girl "I'm going to see my mummy now" and let go of her hand and the little girl skipped off to her mum. She did wander over again and I told Grace to go and play with her but she just hid behind me.

She is really confident and not shy in the slightest and when she does actually get into playing she's fine. I know it's difficult for her to mix with the other children who all have young siblings or their parents are friends with other parents at the school so they play together, that kind of thing. Grace has always liked doing her own thing and in a way it's really good that she doesn't need a playmate to enjoy herself. But it does worry me a little bit about how little she interacts with other children even in a place full of them. I don't want her to have a load of friends but even just one that she liked to play with etc would be nice, especially as she is getting a little older now. I don't tend to worry about developmental things generally. Like when she wasn't walking by the time she was one or that she wasn't potty trained until after she was three because I know that although she may have been a little "behind" in some things, she's not going to be 18 and still wearing nappies and crawling along the floor. But with this it's a bit different because making friends IS important and you CAN be 18 and have no friends. I've always had a lot of friends all through school. And my best friend is someone I knew from primary school. It sounds silly because she's only 3 and has plenty of time but if, after 9 months she still won't play with other children at school it's making me worry. I see all the other children playing together and chatting to each other and Grace just won't join in.

Does anyone else have a child like this? Who will interact with adults and older children with no problem but will not really socialise with kids their own age? And if so, any advice? Just leave her to it and stop being such a worrier? It seems a silly thing to be worried about at this age but I suppose it's when I see all the other kids her age have friends and she doesn't it makes me sad lol even though Grace seems to prefer it that way!

 

[isil]

yes yes yes. I totally get this. Take boy into nursery, loads of children enjoying themselves, sitting together chatting and eating brekkie. Boy wants to sit by himself on a table where noone else is sitting He went to a party at the weekend...he wouldn't even join in with the party games without me supporting him

He is like Grace and always off in his own little world. He does seem to be better when it's just him and another child, and not him and a group of kids.

I don't know if it's all normal or not

 

[Pink1981]

Sophie was EXACTLY like this... It wasnt until a little girl befriended her at nursery that she came out of herself a bit. And now she is at school she is running off before we've even got through the gate.

I think that even though Grace isn't shy it can be a bit daunting when there are lots of children. Give her more time. The nursery would have spoke to you if they thought there was an issue x

 

[Lightworker]

Yes. My DD1 was like this. We had one friend that was older, and her cousins older, and she loved older children. She found it hard to relate to children her own age, but she eventually got used to it.

I wouldn't worry. Some children are like this, and there's no pressure on them to instantly play with their peers or certain people. Sometimes my 4 year old hides behind my skirt as well..I like to think she is generally a very confident girl etc..but even the most confident people have situations that they find daunting, AND THAT IS FINE!

If my LO doesn't want to play with someone or go into a particular situation, I try my best to comply with her wishes because I know it will end badly if I try to force it.

Right now my LO is in school and has made firm friends with a few girls, and talks very confidently to all her teachers. She is perfectly fine. I think your daughter is too!

Please don't worry..and if anyone says to you "aw is she shy"..say firmly NO NO NO! I used to be like that and my sister kept telling everyone I was "unsociable" and I started believing I was, and it was only in my twenties that I realized that I am not unsociable, I am friendly (not always evident lol).

Some people are introverts, and will be happy to not have a big circle of friends, while others thrive on many friends..just allow your daughter to be.

Sorry I went on, its just I feel so passionately on the whole issue of "unsociable-ness" and wouldn't want any child to come under that label x

 

[letia659]

my oldest son was like this but now at 7 he has no problem interacting with kids his age I watched him at school when he was about 4 and he would go play in a corner by himself not sure what changed other than hes older but with Zander he is shy to everyone he cant stand to be in a crowd he is just plain shy and he gets it from me

 

[RachA]

My eldest was like that. He has 7 cousins who are all 6plus years older then he and has no problems being with them. When he started play-school at 2y 5m he didn't really play with the others - he would play along side them though. I think it took him a good 6-12 months to settle in properly with playing with others. He started school 3 weeks ago and just settled straight into playing with other children.

I think it's very unusual for children to make a friend at playschool that they continue being best friends with all their life - try not to worry. I know it's easier said than done. She will get there and she's obviously very sociable generally.