Unsupportive School

[MrsBop]

Firstly bit of background on Noah, he's a very sensitive little boy, suspected autism so he has quite bad anxiety issues which come out in a variety of ways in situations where he is comfortable if that makes sense, mainly violence towards us and also occasionally his baby sister, he also lies horrendously when anxious and bed wets. Thats the bulk of it.

When he moved up from nursery to reception this past year his best friend was going to a new school, we had a few months to prepare for it and thankfully his other friend was going to the same school as him, turns out they weren't going to be in the same class though, I figured it wouldn't be a big issue but for the first few weeks it was hell on earth, wet bed every night, tears on a night, full blown tantrums in a morning, lies about being poorly, he just did not want to go, he wanted to go back to nursery where he felt safe He then got really close to another little boy who he'd occasionally played with at nursery and for the past year they've been inseperable, so much so that if I knew this little boy wasn't going to be at school the next day I had to prepare Noah so we didn't have a full blown meltdown in the playground the next morning. On the days when this little boy wasn't there Noah played with a boy who he'd known since nursery and played with during school holidays. The 3 of them were best friends. Noah has also been bullied twice during the past school year by two different boys, both times I approached his teacher and felt nothing was done so I then spoke to the headteacher on a number of occasions.

Anyway the end of the school year is coming up and I have being anxious for a few weeks about classes and the consequences of Noah being seperated from both his best friends but mainly his very best friend so much so I actually went and spoke to the deputy head about my concerns and fears and was assured that they don't seperate best friends. I left feeling relieved so imagine my horror when today I find out he isn't with ANY of his friends, neither of his best friends or infact anyone he plays with, he's all alone oh except for the two boys that have bullied him (one who still is )

I went straight to the headteacher and basically got told there was nothing he was willing to do end of! I then told him that I had feared this would happen and had spoken to someone about it, he then again said there was nothing he could do but he would look at the classes tomorrow and phone me

I ended up leaving very upset, they don't have to deal with the consequences, not only would it be a horrible experience for any parent but I have serious medical condition and Noah's behaviour doesn't help at the best of times but let alone when he is anxious, upset and frustrated

Anyway this is the final nail in the coffin, it was bad enough I had to threaten them with the LEA to get them to do something about the bullying, I now feel that there is a comminication breakdown between staff and parents and they just don't care so for all of our sakes I am planning on removing Noah from this school and sending him to one that does listen to the parents (originally had Noah going to this school but he wanted to go to the one joined on to his nursery so I changed last minute!) but I don't know how to go about it, does anyone know? Is it also true that they can just do what they please with my child no matter what I have asked/requested/told them?

I am still so upset about it all, poor Noah

 

[charlieann]

has you or the school made any attempt towards getting a diagnosis of your son's autism? has the school mentioned anything about his autistic tendancies?
i'm asking this as with a diagnosis they would have a duty of care towards your child to ensure he has the full support required and minimise and disruptive changes to his routine. i teach a couple of children with autism and even a change in seating plan can throw them out for the whole day. if the school are not aware of your son's autism then they may just percieve it to be poor behaviour and although they would consider your requests to put your son with his friendship group they wouldnt need to act upon it.
put your concerns in writing, including your conversation with the deputy, asking for a formal response from the school. give them a chance to review the situation and offer a suitable solution first.

 

[MrsBop]

has you or the school made any attempt towards getting a diagnosis of your son's autism? has the school mentioned anything about his autistic tendancies?
i'm asking this as with a diagnosis they would have a duty of care towards your child to ensure he has the full support required and minimise and disruptive changes to his routine. i teach a couple of children with autism and even a change in seating plan can throw them out for the whole day. if the school are not aware of your son's autism then they may just percieve it to be poor behaviour and although they would consider your requests to put your son with his friendship group they wouldnt need to act upon it.
put your concerns in writing, including your conversation with the deputy, asking for a formal response from the school. give them a chance to review the situation and offer a suitable solution first.

Thank you very much for taking the time to reply. No the school aren't aware and when I have tried to speak to them I get told that they have a lot of disruptive children in the classroom and Noah is no different speaking to a brick wall springs to mind! However his old keyworker at nursery notice tendancies but it was never followed on. It was actually a social worker who specialises with children with special needs who mentioned autism to my husbands auntie who has an autistic son and fosters children with autism, my husbands auntie said she had suspected for quite some time however it was never mentioned again until recently when Noah's behaviour has become alarming at times, I took him to the doctors and he said I'd have to speak to health visitor for them to refer him so will be doing all of that soon. Anyway back to the original topic, I cannot see how it would benefit anyone removing them from their friends when they are so new to the school and I suppose I had assume after speaking to the deputy about Noah's problems with change she would understand but it seems my words have fallen on deaf ears. Unfortunately it is one of a number of problems I have had with the school and I honestly believe they will do nothing this time but we'll see.

 

[Samemka]

What a horrible situation for you and Noah hun

First off, who told you they never seperated best friends? I'd be quoting this back to them, whether it was the head or not. I would wait until the Head gets back to you because despite saying there is nothing he can do, there is, which he knows....and that's why he's looking at the class lists. As unhelpful as he sounds, I doubt he'd waste his time looking over them if the outcome is going to be that he keeps Noah in the same class. I'd be amazed if no-one gets moved.

If he DOES come back and say there's nothing he can do, I'd explain once again how bad Noah gets (I'm not saying he's 'bad' - I just mean make sure they bloody well know time after time what they're basically making you deal with by doing this) and tell him you've been left with no choice but to remove Noah from the school and contact the LEA about the lack of support/bullying situation.

It won't come to that because they won't want that hassle.

Big xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[MrsBop]

What a horrible situation for you and Noah hun

First off, who told you they never seperated best friends? I'd be quoting this back to them, whether it was the head or not. I would wait until the Head gets back to you because despite saying there is nothing he can do, there is, which he knows....and that's why he's looking at the class lists. As unhelpful as he sounds, I doubt he'd waste his time looking over them if the outcome is going to be that he keeps Noah in the same class. I'd be amazed if no-one gets moved.

If he DOES come back and say there's nothing he can do, I'd explain once again how bad Noah gets (I'm not saying he's 'bad' - I just mean make sure they bloody well know time after time what they're basically making you deal with by doing this) and tell him you've been left with no choice but to remove Noah from the school and contact the LEA about the lack of support/bullying situation.

It won't come to that because they won't want that hassle.

Big xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Thank you for replying chick, means a lot. It was the deputy head who said they don't like to seperate best friends and they wouldn't this early on into their school life. Unfortunately if he doesn't do something I will have to remove Noah for his sake and for my own. At least then I have two months to prepare him going to a new school and make it sound as fun as possible, explain what they do there, go and show him the school so he knows where hes going etc. I would rather do that than feed him to the lions so to speak because I honestly feel the bullying would get worse as Noah would be on his own all the time and unhappy knowing his best friends are playing together next door. My sister thinks they've done it to punish me for making a song and dance about his 'accidents' at school and the bullying but I only go in because I care about my little boy, heck I'm always up there politely expressing my opinion I'm never rude but why should I put up with it and more to the point why should Noah now be punished?