Unsure of how to deal

[sharpie8383]

My husband and I have been ttc for about 7 months, but we have been talking about it for over a year. I have a VERY irregular cycle which has been making this really difficult. My doctor told me that our best chance of conceiving was to have "relations" every other day. I feel like that is a lot but I want to do whatever I can to have a baby and I thought my husband was on board, but I can't get him to go along with what the doctor said. I understand that it is a lot, I do but if he wants it as badly as he tells me he does I don't understand why we can't try to do what the doctor says. Any time I bring up anything about having a baby and how its difficult he acts like it is no big deal. Any ideas on how I can make this easier or how I can get him to wake up and realize that we can't get pregnant if only one is putting in effort.

 

[IGrowEmXL]

Maybe it's putting too much pressure on him thinking of having sex every other day for a month?

I know my husband always got a little hesitant when we started actively TTC the first time, and mostly it was because he felt like just a sperm donor and was even a little nervous about the reality of really becoming a father.

Maybe you could suggest DTD every other day starting at around CD12 until CD21. Most women would ovulate within that window. Also, maybe try to make it more spontaneous, take charge or something, instead of (not saying this is what you were/are doing anyway but if you are), just being like "Alright, I might be ovulating, we need to have sex." I know when I get in the zone and especially because it's something I want so badly, I sometimes get carried away and forget to try and do a little seduction and not make it feel like "Hey, you need to perform and get me knockered," kwim?

Good luck!

 

[purplecupcake]

Yup, too much pressure and sex on demand is about the unsexiest thing ever. My husband and I couldn't even actively try for 3 months before it started really hurting our relationship. So we stopped trying and let nature take it's course. I conceived 4 days AFTER we had sex. So, if it's more doable for you and your husband, try to have sex once every 2 or 3 days instead of every other. Maybe once per weekend and once in the middle of the week. Don't talk to him about TTC anymore. When you want to have sex, kiss on him or rub on him or do whatever you do to get it started. If he's not in the mood, do NOT get upset with him, it will only make it worse.

You can also use OPKs which give you a pretty good idea of when to have sex, although I personally recommend having sex before it is positive (once it starts getting darker and close to positive, do it then) because once you get a positive it's your last chance for that cycle and that kind of pressure sucks!

 

[sharpie8383]

Thank you for your replies I knew it would be a lot of pressure which is why I didn't expect to do it every other day, but it’s like pulling teeth just to do it once a week. I'm lucky if it is once every couple of weeks. I think part of my problem is that I'm the one who has to be the aggressor and initiate everything. He gets in the mood pretty quick whenever I try so that's not the problem. I'm just tired of having to be the one who has to start anything. It makes me feel like it’s just me who wants this. He tells me he wants romance and I can put on skimpy outfits or send him texts and stuff like that, but he doesn't put any effort into doing anything romantic. I haven't been using fertile dates until recently because I didn't think he was getting the hint that we need to do this more than every couple of weeks for it to work. I think there is a lot of fear as well, but I guess I feel like since we’ve been talking about it for over a year and he was counting down the days until we medically could start trying he would have gotten over that fear.

 

[slg76]

I would really suggest using OPKs. When you get an OPK positive you should BD that night. You are very likely to catch your ovulation this way without having to have tons of intercourse. Good luck

 

[Andi86]

My husband was the same at first. It was like as soon as we decided to TTC he was never in the mood....we seriously were only BDing once a month sometimes. It was so frusturating. He said it was just the pressure of trying to get me pregnant and also its something he was always preventing and then he had to switch his brain over to not preventing, which took some time to overcome that. Eventually i got pregnant after 6 cycles but it ended in a chemical pregnancy. After that he realized how much he actually wanted a baby so now he gets excited when its time to try. I suggest just dont talk about it to much and sometimes just BD because you want to not because you tjink your Oing.

 

[purplecupcake]

It sounds like he might have some reservations about this baby making business. Have you had a heart to heart about any fears or worries he has?

 

[popchick75]

Mine was the same way. He was thinking about it too much and getting overwhelmed...instead of just thinking about sex, he was also thinking of the stress of providing for a baby, would he be a good dad, would he be able to handle the day to day stuff....etc. Keeping him in the dark helped. I just never mentioned anything about fertile days or ovulation or timing. I kept track of it and when the time was right, initiated something. As long as you are also initiating romance on the non-fertile days, he won't know the difference between regular sex and ovulation timed sex.