UPDATED So many problems (latch,tongue tie, reflux, slow weight gain, nipple shields)

[fifi-folle]

I am beginning to think I should have just given up when my son couldn't latch to begin with. It took 10 days to get him latched on and that was only with nipple shields. One of the midwives when I was in (had induction then emergency c section) said he had a slight posterior tongue tie but she didn't think it was causing a problem. I was determined to BF so went home on the bottle and I was pumping every 2/3 hrs til I got him on the boob.

3 days after getting him on boob we developed thrush, oral, nipple and ductal. I nursed through this. It took 3 courses of fluconazole to shift it. I continued to try latching without shields and have managed it but he slips off and sucks my nipple instead so have gone back to using the shields.
My son has also got reflux which I finally got medication for after his weight gain slowed to 3.5oz in a fortnight. Since going on Omeprazole his weight gain has improved (?) to 2/3oz per week. He started on 75th percentile and is now just under 50th. The health visitor is harassing me and putting pressure on me to increase his weight gain but I don't know how to. I am expressing at the start of feeds when I'm in the house to make sure he's getting the fattier milk and hand expressing after feeds for nipple stimulation (then giving him this as a top up before bed).

Part of the problem is that suckling is really hard work for him so he gets tired and falls asleep on the boob then wakes hungry soon after (this means he rarely sleeps during the day and is exhausted by bedtime). I am trying "super switch nursing" when at home.

Basically I don't know what else to do, my OH wants to give one FF per day (and me pump at this time) but I eally don't want to. I feel so sad that we didn't have the birth I wanted and guilty that I hate breastfeeding. It has been such hard work from the start and it's affecting my bonding with my son. I have asked for referral for tongue tie but the HV didn't think they would do anything about it (HV didn't know anything about posterior tt!). I am so close to giving up, I spend a lot of time in tears when I should be enjoying my son.
Does anyone have advice or experience of this sort of situation?

UPDATE
Had his tt snipped on Friday and he seems to be feeding better. Napping more which is nice. We have also had his meds changed from disp Omeprazole to ranitidine suspension which seems to be ok. The best bit is 4.5oz weight gain this week, almost double last weeks!

 

[summer rain]

Posterior tongue tie; though less visible can tend to cause worse problems than the 'regular' type, there was another lady on baby and bump and her son didn't gain any weight between 3 months and 5 months-it turned out that a posterior tongue tie and reflux were solely responsible-she had the tongue tie snipped privately (a LC did it either free of charge or for a very low fee even though she wouldn't normally treat babies over 4 months) and the next week her son gained 6oz and the next after that 10, after that he gained anything between 5-10oz a week; having the TT snipped did make a difference to his reflux as well. Babies with tongue tie often have not very well coordinated sucking which means they take in air and glug down the milk; which can make reflux worse. I would definitely press for a referral, ask your HV to at least let a specialist look at it and make the decision if they will do anything about it or not; there is also the option of going private but most private practitioners require a referral as well xx

 

[fifi-folle]

There were 2 hv's on yesterday, the nice one pushed the other one into letting a specialist decided. The one who's been harassing me (makes out like I'm a neurotic first time mum) was v dismissive. I have looked into a private consultant and there is one in Edinburgh who is covered by DH's insurance (but typically DH hasn't added Cameron to the policy) but I resent having to pay, but I will do cause I cannot imagine switching to FF. However these problems are taking up almost my whole life between the hours spent trying to feed and researching what I can do. I'm so fed up. Nothing has gone how I hoped/expected.

 

[summer rain]

it is really unfair; and they wonder why so many ladies give up BF, In our area they do not refer for tongue tie unless your baby is losing weight and gaining absolutely nothing, and the BF support team leader here told me if they refer and the specialist decides the referral was unnecessary, they get a telling off! The lady was telling me about a baby with a tongue tie that prevented really any movement of the tongue; and the specialist still said it was not a problem as the baby somehow still managed to gain 1-2oz a week . Its really disgusting the postcode lottery that is in place. NICE guidance says in almost all cases its better for a TT to be snipped. The only private specialist who will see and treat a baby with tongue tie here without a referral is around 50 miles away and only treats babies under 4 months and when LO was under 4 months we simply didn't have the means or transport to do that. Thankfully in the grand scheme of things LOs TT is a lot more minor than many xx

 

[tuppance]

I don't have experience of tongue-tie / latch problems but I do have experience of problems initially (I was quite poorly at the beginning which resulted in having to feed LO with a syringe and I spent most of my time hand expressing and trying to feed LO. LO also kept on losing weight). It really did effect my bonding with LO; I feel like I didn't really see him for the first month, and when I did I was so drained and full of guilt that I just ended feeling wretched. We have managed to crack bf but it took us about ten / eleven weeks.

What I have realised is that although breastfeeding is obviously good for your bubba, I think what is even better is a happy Mum and if you do give your LO a bottle of formula, or even decide to ff your baby will still get nourishment and thrive. Whatever you decide don't kick yourself because of it; breastfeeding isn't the only testimony of love, the love that you give your LO by looking after him, cuddling, playing and being there I personally think is far more important.

If you do have the strength to carry on then do and try and see a consultant but if not don't feel like a failure because you have tried so hard

Good luck whatever you decide to do, as whatever it is will be the right decision for you and bubba - don't let anyone else tell you otherwise xxx

 

[fifi-folle]

I would say exactly the same to someone in my position, I am harder on myself than anyone else is!
Summer Rain, that's awful, I would say I can't believe it but with the NHS it doesn't surprise me

 

[allaboard]

I had problems with my son, and i remember how difficult the early days are never mind trying to up supply and remain determined when others around you doubt BFing.

I was TT as a baby, and got it snipped at 14, it was a disaster, my vessels had developed and they barely made a difference, plus the op recovery was hard.

My son has 50% TT, his father had a really long tongue, so obviously my genes are strong. The HV said at the time he didn't have any TT, but i've researched it and know he does have it slightly. I wonder if this contributed to our pain and issues early on.

This time, i'm prepared. My partner's cousins are severely TT and he himself has some TT i think, although he's never reaslised this before meeting me..so i fully expect this baby to have TT to some degree too. I've got a private consultant's number on hand, he charges 150 and is based 40 miles away (not ideal, but if i have to days after the birh then i have to) and through someone on this site below i have a lactation consultant Ann Dobson's details as she might come up and do it. https://www.lcgb.org/consultants_local.html

I hear posterior tongue tie can be difficult to diagnose in that it's not as obvious, but still needs sorting. I hope you can manage to, good luck with it.

 

[fifi-folle]

thanks for then link. Managed to get it done on nhs. Good luck with your birth!

 

[allaboard]

Great news ))

 

[Kota]

Great news that you got the TT fixed, my advice now, is to start again... 'They' say, BF'ing takes 6 wks to get established, and even though you've got this far, give yourself another 6wks to get it properly established without the issues that a TT can create. I promise you, from someone who had a very similar start, that you'll get there.

 

[summer rain]

great news and thank you so much allaboard for the link! xx

 

[fifi-folle]

My only concern now is that the HV wants Cam to follow the graph next week (25th centile) but that's 10oz, bit scared of that, not sure it's realistic. Think I might phone tomorrow.

 

[summer rain]

no its not realistic, with my eldest the HV wanted him to go from the 9th to 50th centile (one he was born on) which would have meant him gaining something like 2lb in less than two weeks-which some babies do gain in that time but not one that ordinarily only gains around 4oz a week, I just didn't go back to the clinic and with this baby I got my own scale xx

 

[tuppance]

That's great news! I agree with summer rain 10oz is so much ... if you don't reach that don't feel disheartened as that's almost a ridiculous amount to set taking into account your problems.

Also, we didn't properly establish breastfeeding till 11 weeks due to problems so don't feel down if it doesn't happen in the alloted time frame, it's a matter of persevering and feeding on demand and then one day everything clicks! X

 

[allaboard]

My son was born on the 50 centile and dropped to below the 10th to the 5th and bobbed about there for a while. I knew when he was contended and well fed, so i ignored their pressure. When i moved i found a much more realistic and supportive HV, sadly though, the GP at the practice was rubbish, pro formula to solve all issues, but the HV had warned me about him before i went into the 8 month check up. I think you have to trust yourself - being on the lower centile is not something to be worried about, it's still within normal range and it's certainly not anywhere starving your baby which is what the underlying message is you're getting. Do they need a chart to recognise a thriving baby who is successfully working through TT issues? Worrying if so!

 

[fifi-folle]

The HV did comment today that he doesn't look skinny. That's the thing, in spite of the crap he's dealt with in his short life, he's thriving in all but weight.