Upset! Midwife called me stupid for requesting home birth :(

[Amelia Pond]

I am gobsmacked. She also told me the sex of my baby when I didn't even know......and had decided I didn't want to know.

I just phoned her to discuss the possibility of a home delivery. She asked me where I had gotten this idea and that it was a ridiculous request. She told me I was being stupid. And then said as I have big babies there is a risk of baby being stuck and I could hemorrhage! .....she has scared me to death about the fact that I could die in childbirth....I just want to cry!

She told me that I was lucky last time I had a girl and that is why she wasn't any bigger than my boy who was 10lb 2 but as this baby is a boy it is guaranteed that this boy will be even bigger than my other boy! I didn't even know I was having a boy!!!!!! I am a little stunned.

She also made a big deal about this being my fourth pregnancy as this now makes me 'high risk'.....she has really left me doubting my decision and I don't know what to do!

 

[Kess]

I would complain, especially about her telling you the sex when you didn't want to know (IMO this is a lesser infraction than the other, but the people you're complaining to may not see it that way) and then file her comments away in the waste paper basket in your head. There's stuff about big babies on homebirth.org IIRC, as well as stuff on being a grand multipara, which I'm not sure you even are, officially.

 

[6lilpigs]

This was all a bit wrong imo hun. Can you change midwife or call your local birth centre/hospital for some more advice? I would definately keep pushing for the home delivery, there is no reason to deny you one!! GL xx

 

[lynnikins]

this is my 6th pregnancy but just the 3rd to make it to second trimester, my last baby was bigger than yours. hun you have given birth to 2 children already why should your chances of death be any higher? if anything they are less caus your body knows what to do!!

 

[Amelia Pond]

This will be my fourth baby.....and I didn't really have any complications with the others...my last birth I did start to bleed about an hour before she was actually born, but everything was fine....I hoped a home birth this time round, would be more relaxing and rewarding. I have hired a doula who is very supportive of a home birth but I didn't realise that the local midwives would be so against it!

 

[madasa]

She needs to be reported to her superiors for this. It is an unacceptable way to treat a pregnant lady. I am so sorry you had to deal with it.

It's a small consolation, but there's a chance your baby is not a boy, since everything ELSE out of that woman's mouth was pure tripe.

I an SEETHING for you... Totally furious. Please report her and request that she not care for you during pregnancy or labour!! I hate to think of you having to put up with this woman

 

[Mervs Mum]

Amelia you MUST make a formal complaint. It won't change the way she's made your feel but it could stop someone else having the same ordeal.

You need to email the head of midwifery in your trust and copy in the chief exac and AIMS - [email protected]

It's unprofessional, unethical and not even based on facts.

 

[Amelia Pond]

Amelia you MUST make a formal complaint. It won't change the way she's made your feel but it could stop someone else having the same ordeal.

You need to email the head of midwifery in your trust and copy in the chief exac and AIMS - [email protected]

It's unprofessional, unethical and not even based on facts.

I called the Consultant Midwife of my area to arrange a meeting. I am hoping that she will be more open to the idea of my having a homebirth, and that I can put across my concerns about the things my midwife said to me....but I shall be putting it in writing. I hope I hear from her soon. Thanks for the email address. I am actually calming down a little now and thinking about the things she said a little more rationally....I cannot believe she some of the things she came away with!? I think now it just has more with her not wanting to assist at a homebirth.

 

[vikirose]

Whoa! That's soo out of order. When I was preggers with my first I had a really supportive mw who was cool with HB but there was a mw in her team who a couple of my friends had around the same time. She was so anti hb it was a real talking point amongst my friends, she told one girl I know 'do you want your baby to die??' My friend wasn't in any way high risk.
Anyway long story short enough of my friends who'd had dealings with her complained and she was taken off prenantal care for a while...weirdly I had her after my boys birth for the postnatal check and she was ok, she did look at my notes and say 'oh I see you had a hb!'
You defo need to complain about this one. A first time mum may not have the confidence to go ahead after that!

 

[chuck]

Amelia you MUST make a formal complaint. It won't change the way she's made your feel but it could stop someone else having the same ordeal.

You need to email the head of midwifery in your trust and copy in the chief exac and AIMS - [email protected]

It's unprofessional, unethical and not even based on facts.

WSS^^^^

I am gobsmacked that a so called professional would say such utter toss!!

I would ensure you change MW's immediately and have nothing more to do with someone who is so inept at her job.

 

[NuKe]

I would report her for the fact she told you the sex alone!! totally wrong and disgusting behaviour.

 

[Mervs Mum]

Consultant mws are supposed to be the mws responsible for promoting 'normality' in birth so she's defnietly a good starting point. It's really important things like this aren't allowed to be brushed under the carpet which often happens. You don't even need the blessings of the consultant Mw to have your home birth but you do deserve and are entitled to respect for your choices by ALL those caring for you from the mws through to the Cheif Exec!

 

[numum]

Oh god so wrong i hope like pps have said that you report this unprofessional behaviour. Just wanted to cheer you on go for your home birth my mum had my brothers her third and fourth babies at home and they were 10lb and 10lb 5 if your body made that baby it can get him out. X

 

[dustbunny]

Disgusting behaviour, there was no need to call you stupid or question where you got your ideas from. She should have delivered her opinion in a more professional manner, demonstrating both the cons as well as the pros! I'd report her and ignore her comments... easier said than done I know

 

[NaturalMomma]

That is completely unprofessional not to mention down right rude. She needs to be reported for her behavior. No birth professional should speak to a woman/client/etc that way.

 

[xxembobxx]

Unfortunately it seems there is still a lot of prejudice against HB in the midwifery profession.
I am on my 5th pregnancy so was told there is a higher risk of post partum bleeding with multi praevia but I informed them I haven't had severe bleeding before so I don't think it would suddenly be that much worse because of one extra pregnancy.
I also had PPH in a previous pregnancy and the consultant was still happy to sign me off on a HB.
It can seem like a fight sometimes to get a HB. Even though nobody was as rude or ill-informed as your MW it still felt like I was asking for something negative but my local MW is very supportive. Find somebody who will support you and you will feel so much more positive about your future HB. Good luck x