Urg, some people are horrendous

[pinkmonki]

I was talking to an acquaintance I 'met' through a late loss support group, and mentioned I was in the TWW. Her response?

Wow I don't know how you keep trying since you've lost the last four.


Jeez. Thank you. I needed to hear that today

I suppose, as ham-fisted as her response was, she's not wrong. Why do I keep trying? Why is Hope such a b***h?

Anyways, upshot being I'm now in a comically bad mood. Sigh.

 

[pinkmonki]

Oops, posted this in the wrong bit. Oh well.

 

[SpartyMom05]

wow, just wow, that is awful. sorry pinkmonki - you dont need that negativity!

 

[Cppeace]

It isn't her place to make such comments. It is your choice, your past and it should not stop you from pursuing your rainbow baby. Only you will know when/if you are ready to give up or try another path. Don't let negative jerks like this bring you down.

 

[xxmyheartxx]

One of my closest friends said after I think my 3rd loss, that I should give up trying as my body is telling me to give up! Thanks for the support.... not!

 

[Nuthatch]

Ugh, people are horrible. I am so sorry. After my 10th loss, I was in a deep, dark place and my mom said "just imagine all those babies will be waiting for you to raise in heaven. You just get to have fun on earth." Um....what? And now we are back to trying and she thinks we are nuts.

You have to do what is right for your family. No one else can tell you when to stop.

 

[pinkmonki]

Morning ladies (4am here.. that makes it morning right?)

I'm stunned that so many of you have had such thoughtless comments too. Do people not engage their brain before speaking?

 

[wrapunzel]

I was gonna say, sounds like something I would say because I've got no filter and tend to assume everyone thinks like I do!

Also she said "how" you keep trying, not "why", maybe she just meant you seem insanely brave to her rather than that you shouldn't bother?

 

[StillPraying]

yep. When people find out I'm pregnant again they say "Oh well hopefully it works out this time"......thanks.

Hopefully that wasn't what she truly meant, but seriously, what a horrid thing to say to someone.

 

[pinkmonki]

I don't doubt she didn't mean any harm, but its an intensely sensitive subject, I'm not able to smooth over people's hard edges yet because it's too raw for me, My daughter would only be 6 months old now so..

It's hard to find implied kindness when you're not only trying to get pregnant again, but also intensely aware that you might not carry to term even if you do, you know?

 

[wrapunzel]

I wasn't trying to suggest you should let it go or shouldn't have been hurt. I'd have been pissed too

My mother had 14 miscarriages before she had me, she had stopped using bc/condoms and stopped telling her partner(s) she was pregnant because she thought she was infertile.

After me, she had my brother just fine too!

 

[pinkmonki]

I didn't think you were, I was just clarifying my reaction and reasons.

Wow, your mum must be incredibly strong.

 

[wrapunzel]

I think she was detached to be honest. She didn't want to be a mum at first, she cried a lot when I stuck, and my dad wasn't a great choice for fatherhood

 

[pinkmonki]

I think she was detached to be honest. She didn't want to be a mum at first, she cried a lot when I stuck, and my dad wasn't a great choice for fatherhood

but she got you, and so it all worked out

 

[guillaine]

Pink Monki, it is such a sensitive subject. I think it's brave to tell people, I literally haven't told anyone, except you guys. I don't know if I could bare those kind of comments.

That's the thing I was thinking yesterday, about getting a bfp, what then? then there's the next risk and the next risk and if they survive those then they're born and there's always that edginess about are they alright, there's a risk something bad could happen or they get ill. Came to no conclusions, just reflecting. I guess we are never truly in control.

 

[wookie130]

Sheesh, what a bone-headed, asinine thing to say to someone in your shoes. I'm sorry. People really can be so insensitive.

 

[pinkmonki]

Thank you for validating my reaction ladies. I do know thats there's the 'what if' but I truly do try to live my life with a 'what if not' kind of attitude.

 

[Chief Brody]

You have every right to feel pissed and upset and I'm sending you a cuddle. People can be so callous and ignorant, and you met this person through a late loss support group! Some support. Hope you're feeling bit better today xx

 

[justonemore31]

Im sorry she said that to you. I can relate. I was told by a friend "why would you keep trying when youve already lost??" And when i said it was something i wanted, she said "youre only going to keep on losing them". If it hadnt been through instant msger, and was said to my face, i wouldve decked her. I never spoke to her again. Whos anyone to dictate your future?????

 

[Curlymikes]

I say if you want to keep trying do it! I had 3 miscarriages and then twins! Now ive had 3 chemicalsbut i still have hope and im still trying.
People say really stupid things. Sorry for your losses.