VENTING: DH's mom's response (or lack of) to news

[Lues]

Aarrraaaarrrggghhhhhh

super quick background: I've been married to Keith for ten years, this is our first child. He has an older brother and sister, between them she's already five times a grandmother. Personality-wise she is an extremely exuberant, excitable, expressive woman.

And her sister's daughter is expecting twins.

So....

KEITH: "Would you like to be a grandmother again?" He's all smiles and eyes all bright (it was so cute)

MOM: (turns to me) "Oh wow, you're pregnant?"

I'm basically one big smile, lol, and I nod.

MOM: "That's great. My sister Kathy is SO excited about the twins. Even though she has other grandchildren, she's really excited about how neat it will be to have twin boys, and these are Rachel's first!"

She then rambled on and on about the twins. I learned that it's apparently really fun to make clothes for twins, and she LOVES listening to her sister talk about how excited she is.

UMMM....... HELLO????!!!!!

About 10-15 or so minutes later, after painfully agreeing about how exciting twins are and how great it is that Aunt Kathy is having more grandchildren, I said, "well, we have to go". She hugged us, and said goodbye.

SHE NEVER EVER SAID CONGRATULATIONS!

My poor husband was very upset. I was irritated and disappointed of course. But I was more sad for him. We've been trying for years, and who doesn't play through the moment when they get to tell their mother that they're going to have a baby?

I don't think she meant it to be hurtful by any means. But he felt like she basically said, "I'm not excited about having any more grandchildren, but my sister sure is about hers!"

I think him being upset made me super angry.

I don't expect anyone to seem excited "enough", lol, because we're so over the moon. But come ON, I feel like she could have acted like she cared, even just a little! I keep telling the hubby that she didn't mean it, that she was probably just overwhelmed or something, but really there's no excuse for that in my mind.

Seeing him so upset, I just needed to vent.

 

[RubyRainbows]

Oh my gosh! How rude!! Is she normally insensitive? My mom OFTEN says rude things - super insulting things - completely obliviously!

Knowing her son and his wife have been trying for YEARS and finally are expecting a baby - I would expect your MIL to be THRILLED for you guys!! I work with a girl who has been trying for a while and if she ever announces she's pregnant - I would be ecstatic!! Shame on his mom for downplaying something so fantastic!!!

I'm sorry that happened! Hopefully, once she processes everything - she'll show more enthusiasm!

 

[lewood88]

Awww hun that is abit rude least she aint like my mom, we have a fairly good relationship and as i already have 2 girls i really wanted another baby and when i told my mom wow lets just say her face looked like thunder she wasnt happy at all i mean this will be her 12th grand child lol well the day after i told her i had belly cramps and all she could say to me was " lets hope you come on your period " i was so angry with her i didnt speak to her for a week and OH wasnt impressed

Your mother in law probs didnt mean anything by it maybe if you kind word with her and explain that DH was abit upset by her reaction and maybe she might re think what she said and done xx

 

[Lues]

Thanks ladies!

lewood88 - true, definitely better than being mad. So sorry you had to get that reaction!!!

RubyRainbows - that's the weird thing. She's a VERY sensitive person, always almost overly aware of people's feelings. And while she's sometimes a bit ditzy and obtuse (and I'm sure that's what this was) she is normally SUPER excitable and all bubbly .... (ironically...lol... she was sort of bubbly, just about someone ELSE's kid.)

I think that was part of the shock. You know how you have a few people that you think "oh, they'll be SO much fun to tell!!!"?!! Well, she was one of them for us.

I do completely agree that she didn't MEAN it to be so rude. I almost expected a phone call an hour or so later, explaining she was just in shock or something. But... nothing.

She'll be a wonderful grandmother. No doubt. But I can't help being pissed that she stole that moment from DH! I mean, not even congrats??

Thanks ladies, it helps to vent. When I talk to DH, I'm all "oh, she just didn't realize what she was saying. I'm sure she's thrilled" which I do mean to an extent... but it feels good to get out the irritation too!

 

[lewood88]

Thats what we are here for hun lol we all need to vent this shud be the hormonal womens thread haha

Im use to my mom being the way she is shes 65 so i blame it on old age lol xx

 

[mummy2o]

I'm sorry your mother-in-law was rude Lues. I'm sure she didn't mean it. Maybe she was just getting hassled by her sister about the twins and just venting it out on you. Once your baby gets further along she'll be excited about yours also.

Lewood88, you mother sounds a lot like mine. I temporary had a split from my OH and found out I was pregnant. First thing she said you should go and get rid of it. And she only has 2 grandchildren both are mine and she's only 53 :/ Who knows what goes on in parents minds. Also keeps reminding me that Christmas is a bad time to have a baby and I you could get really ill again (I had sepsis last pregnancy and lost the baby). Sometimes I wish I could just swap parents once in a while as normally she's not bad, just when I have children....

 

[lewood88]

Honeslty my mom says the most awful things, shes so mean to my neice i feel bad for her, my mom mentioned about me getting ridnof this baby and how are we going to afford to live, yet my mom had 4 children lol she managed ok lol x

 

[BethMaassen]

My father was much like the same (only a tad different). When I told him I was pregnant this time, he was "Cool"
But then his dead wife's daughter announces she is pregnant, due 12 days before me (on his birthday) and he gets all enthusiastic! This is the girls 3rd, this is my second.. And girl isn't even his real daughter! I am going bet he is goinf to be there for the birth of that child, and not mine...again...