Venting; Don't Read If Offended Easily!

[Leopard]

The warning is in the title, I need to vent and this may end up snarky!

Incase your curiosity got the better of you this is an angry post. I'm going to say some not nice things about the way people feed their children. Yes, it's going to be bloody offensive!

Here we go:

Firstly. Please don't suppliment with formula unless you get a second opinion first! Breastfed babies are so much different to formula fed babies; for good reason! Formula is not the best, it is not equal to breastmilk; heck it's not even close! Sore nipples? Cannot pump enough? Not sleeping enough? I do NOT feel sorry for you if you switch! Why would I, you have the ability to give your child the best yet you choose not to. I'm all for feeding your children, but for goodness sake if you start something; finish it. Or just admit you are a quitter and stop complaining!
I am doing every god damned thing I can to avoid my daughter going on formula. Know why? Because I want to give her the best chance at life! I want to cry, scream and curl up and die but I won't, I'll keep on pumping and feeding non stop, because that is what it takes. Formula was made for emergencies not for your lack of determination! Think that formula is going to let you sleep longer? Think it will make a happier baby? WRONG. More wind, constipation, early solids, sterilising, money, bottles, reactions, increased risk of obesity later in life, increase chance of diabetes,increased chance of mental ilness now why would I willing put my child through that without due reason?

Count nappies before you think your supply is gone! Check weight etc. Pumping is NOT a reliable way to judge how much you make . Fair enough you don't have the support, women have been breastfeeding a long time before support even became an issue; it was just what you had to do! I normally don't bash but today I'm at the last straw, on a different website I read how 'hard' this lady had it and she wanted to switch to formula. She had a bit of thrush and overactive let down. Oh boo hoo. I could complain all day, but I won't because I know it is best for my daughter and by complaining I'd feel like a second-rate person because I'd feel like I was lazy! God real problems with breastfeeding? Then you can talk. Child having real problems? Then sure, do what you gotta do, but if the problem is minute then stop winging!

I said it would be offensive and angry, if you were offended you shouldn't have read, the pressure is always there to formula feed because todays society believes it is the norm. Have we drifted so far from our natural humanity? Have we become so weak in ourselves that we cannot last a little longer doing what is best? No wonder the world is going to end; we are going to end it!

 

[lucy_x]

im not sure wether i completly agree, or am offended by your post.

this bit especially

Sore nipples? Cannot pump enough? Not sleeping enough? I do NOT feel sorry for you if you switch! Why would I, you have the ability to give your child the best yet you choose not to. I'm all for feeding your children, but for goodness sake if you start something; finish it. Or just admit you are a quitter and stop complaining!

As someone who struggled very badley with supply and couldnt pump enough to save it at first, i too know how damn hard it is, And do you know why i continued, not because i wanted my daughter to have the best, but because i was afraid to fail, afraid how id feel after months of wanting to BF if i failed.

I only suceeded because of the help i recieved, but let me tell you this, i very nearly gave up. my nipples bled, i cried solidly, i hated my daughter and it was an unhealthy relationship....that IS NOT whats best for baby.
I can say im fairly lucky, but i dont turn my nose up to people who have "failed", that would make me judgemental, and i dont like people judging me so i dont do it.

I agree that BF is dying out, and all about what you said about FF, but making yourself physically ill because you want what best for your baby wont help anyone, and infact alot of people who have tried BF have tried bloody hard, Being one of those who nearly gave up i know it all to well....and it urts knowing there is people like you who would look down on them for giving up, when they just need support to either try and carry on or switch, Because lets remember even a few days of BM is better than none.

 

[Leopard]

im not sure wether i completly agree, or am offended by your post.

this bit especially

Sore nipples? Cannot pump enough? Not sleeping enough? I do NOT feel sorry for you if you switch! Why would I, you have the ability to give your child the best yet you choose not to. I'm all for feeding your children, but for goodness sake if you start something; finish it. Or just admit you are a quitter and stop complaining!

As someone who struggled very badley with supply and couldnt pump enough to save it at first, i too know how damn hard it is, And do you know why i continued, not because i wanted my daughter to have the best, but because i was afraid to fail, afraid how id feel after months of wanting to BF if i failed.

I only suceeded because of the help i recieved, but let me tell you this, i very nearly gave up. my nipples bled, i cried solidly, i hated my daughter and it was an unhealthy relationship....that IS NOT whats best for baby.
I can say im fairly lucky, but i dont turn my nose up to people who have "failed", that would make me judgemental, and i dont like people judging me so i dont do it.

I agree that BF is dying out, and all about what you said about FF, but making yourself physically ill because you want what best for your baby wont help anyone, and infact alot of people who have tried BF have tried bloody hard, Being one of those who nearly gave up i know it all to well....and it urts knowing there is people like you who would look down on them for giving up, when they just need support to either try and carry on or switch, Because lets remember even a few days of BM is better than none.

Aye I totally agree. I'm just in a bad mood today; hence the warnings. That's why I emphasised the part about real problems. I'm more just angry at those who don't even really try. Giving up for a good reason is different to giving up for no reason. I look down on myself because I have to use breastmilk fortifier. I'm not the kettle calling the pot black, I would have these same feelings about myself.

 

[marycotter567]

I'm not offended at all. I actually agree. This is my first baby and I had no clue how hard breastfeedign would be - I think I have went through almost everythign possible that could go wrogn with breastfeeding including mastitis but got through it and now at almost 2.5 months it is getting easier and somewhat convenient I have to say. Although my baby does have a burping problem, that is about it..

 

[ashley2pink]

Well, I do agree for the most part. Our babies were created to have their mother's milk. Not a fake milk designed to try and take its place. Even though most babies thrive with it, it's just not natural nor intended. Obviously a mother is a mother(and a good one) regardless. I just wish breastfeeding was the norm not ff

 

[aley28]

I'm not sure how much help a second opinion is going to be... most doctors these days seem like they're going to tell you that you need to supplement with formula at the first sign of a problem.

I do wish more people would try harder to breastfeed. I don't know how many times I've had friends tell me that they "weren't making enough milk", or that it hurt too much. I honestly believe that they intended to give formula all along, but they wanted to be able to say that they "tried".

 

[vanessayogini]

re: supplementing..unless your baby is loosing weight, don't do it. if LO 'isn't gaining as fast as other babies' or 'is that the bottom of some kind of percentile' still don't supplement.

I must say, too, that the only reason I'm sure that I managed to exclusively breastfeed my LO (she's 26 months and we still BF at sleep times), was because of the support of my OH. We stuck it out through a couple months of thrush, crazy growth spurts where she was feeding all day every day, teething, illness, and more..and we always got over the humps and came out the other end stronger for it. OH helped me get extra sleep, verbally supported me, was there when I was literally GOING TO EXPLODE WITH FRUSTRATION..without him..without educating him and myself, I probably would have slipped her some formula at some point.

 

[kitty17]

Hm, I can tell that obviously you're quite frustrated, but I don't think you need to concern yourself with how or why other mothers choose to feed their babies.

And this is a support forum, so I don't think it's a good idea to marginalise people's problems because they're not as bad as yours.

Well done for persevering with BFing after all you've been through.

 

[jessie_m]

I just really wish people were more educated. My friend was convinced that her son was getting no milk and was sucking air out of her boobs (huh?) Without this forum I would have quit. My boyfriend is poorly educated about breast feeding and is very unsupportive, so the support and education I got came from you ladies.

A huge thank you for that.

 

[nickyXjayno]

why does it matter to you how others feed their babies?
I'm proud to finally be breastfeeding after 6 weeks of exclusive pumping, but I'd never look down on someone or get angry if they tried & quit or didn't try at all.

 

[evasmum]

why does it matter to you how others feed their babies?
I'm proud to finally be breastfeeding after 6 weeks of exclusive pumping, but I'd never look down on someone or get angry if they tried & quit or didn't try at all.

Well done on getting back to breast feeding from pumping.

I'm still trying to get back to breast feeding from exclusive pumping at 12 weeks!

My LO did lose weight and continued to with breastfeeding. I was pushed to top up with formula. If it wasn't for one supportive midwife who discusses pumping to top up I would have had to. I didn't know pumping was an option.

It's hard work but I don't know why expressing isn't more widely used before moving to formula.

 

[ashley2pink]

why does it matter to you how others feed their babies?
I'm proud to finally be breastfeeding after 6 weeks of exclusive pumping, but I'd never look down on someone or get angry if they tried & quit or didn't try at all.

I see what you are saying. For me, it's more of why do some women feel bf'ing isnt an option they want to try. It's okay to give formula of course and I know many get upset when someone else even bothers to wonder why formula is so widely used. It's really not formula itself as much as not giving your baby exactly what nature and God intended our babies to have. That's breastmilk. Imagine women before formula. They had no choice. They stuck it out until it worked. Until it was finally easy. I still think formula being invented was a good thing. How many babies have been saved when their Mother's truly could not breastfeed?

 

[Mammatotwo]

I probably would have agreed with you 2/3 years ago. I b/f my DD1 past 2 and could not really understand why people would not even try or gave up so easily. However I was not against f/f if that is what a mother chose but I was a bit snobby about it in my head( )

However after having DD2 I totally got another perspective. After 8 months, many dr visits, medication on my part to help and medication on her part for silent reflux, blood tests, child and youth health nurses visits every 2 weeks to get weighed, phone calls for support, pumping(did not work) different feeding techniques, watching b/f videos, seeing lactation consultants...I turned to the bottle for her health and in the end I think it saved our bond.
I was tense every time I fed her in the end cause she just screamed and seem to hate it. I was sad that I could not do this after having such a beautiful b/f relationship with my first for over 2 years. I tried for longer than I should have for her health, my guilt and because I could not give her what I gave her sister.

People do not know what we went through. I do not go into the whole 8 month long saga with everyone I meet, I just say breastfeeding did not work out and she went on the bottle at 8 months quickly telling that I did at least get 2 years in with my dd1 so they don't stare at me like a bad mother. It was the best thing I did she put on weight, started smiling more and went from a very very scrawny miserable baby to a happy content baby.
Next time maybe before judging maybe think there is more behind the story than what you know or what they tell you.
I get that you are just venting and I had those vents too years ago. I wish now I was not so judgemental in my head.

 

[rory83coyotes]

Well I read the warnings and am not usually offended but really. Why do you go to other forums on breastfeeding if you have obviously got it by now? I am a nurse and understand that breast is best and attempted to feed both of my children breast milk- but guess what? I truely did not make enough milk. Extra medication, extra pumping, and anything else did not up my supply. My son truely used me as a pacifier for a long time so it wasn't for lack of time on the breast. I say get over yourself. What if some new mom had come on her looking to decide what she wanted to do and read your even with warnings rant. Can't imagine if she had any doubts at all that she would be back. I actually tend to avoid this particular forum because of the abusive nature of the "exclusive bf" as I call them. If for their own sanity or crazy life you end up giving your baby a formula bottle you guys act like it is the end of the world. And like one of the other users said, Isn't some breast milk better than none? We do what we can at the time and without a detailed explaination of what lead to that decision this is just stupid.
I don't understand the people that never try it but I certainly wouldn't sit on my high horse and call them lazy. Thats some sweeping generalization that is rediculous. I am so glad that you are far more superior than us "occasional formula" feeders. I'm sure that I should have pushed on and continued to have two children with failure to thrive because its what nature intended. Well nature made my breast unable to support a baby completely on their own so I guess nature messed this one up. I personally think this thread should be closed because I do not see it ending up well in the end.

 

[ashley2pink]

^^^^You didnt read her post thoroughly. She excluded those who truly can not make enough breastmilk.

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

Your post didn't offend meassuch just shocked at the lack of empathy and understanding tbh. Just because a woman stops it does not make her a quitter! It does not always mean she didn't have enough determination. I was so determined to bf my son (and my new baby) so much so I stuggled through then ending up developing PND very quickly. I then gave up for my own mental well-being and the well being of my baby because If I had continued I would have been in no state mentally to care for him. And it's lack of understaning, being called quitter, saying I didn't want it enough that intensified that PND because I felt like I failed.Well done for carrying on but please don't make women what have tried hard feel like they didn't have enough detirmination etc because I can assure you in a lot of situations this is simply just not the case. I will be breastfeeding this new baby, so I am pro bf but that doesn't mean I will belittle someones reasons for stopping just because I came over what ever problems I may have x

 

[Lil_Pixie]

This just makes me feel really sad.

It's posts like this that make people think the bf forum is snobby and I don't think that's the case for most mums on here at all.

I've only been bf for a few weeks, but if I do have a problem I'd feel very unsure about posting now for fear my problems are being judged as not good enough.

 

[Ozzieshunni]

This just makes me feel really sad.

It's posts like this that make people think the bf forum is snobby and I don't think that's the case for most mums on here at all.

I've only been bf for a few weeks, but if I do have a problem I'd feel very unsure about posting now for fear my problems are being judged as not good enough.

Please don't be afraid to post. PM me if you need anything

I'm sorry, leopard, but this post was uncalled for. We have all ranted about the lack of BFing education, but to rant about this IS offensive. Even with all the warnings, etc.

 

[booflebump]

Having an opinion is one thing, but there's having an opinion and there's being rude, and this thread borders on aggressive.

Thread locked

 

[Wobbles]

Not only aggressive but despite your 'warning' this post breaks our forum rules.

Rudeness, flaming or trolling is not tolerated on, or about, BabyandBump or its members. Any member who is intentionally disruptive may have their account restricted or banned without warning.

Antisocial, discriminatory or offensive messages (intended or otherwise) aimed at the community at large, certain demographics (including parenting styles) or specific members, are not permitted.

Only the other day I commented within this section if people did not wish to read or be offended by those women who are very pro-breastfeeding then not to view this section in the first place but this takes the whole thing to another level and tbh a line crossed, the concerns quickly raised by members and 2 who I know are pro-breastfeeding confirms this.