Very complicated!

[MummyClaire]

So me and my partner have a son who's 16 months and we are desperate to try again. Me much more so than him though. He wants to put it off for a while. The main problem is, our son has cerebral palsy and is severely disabled.

My point is though, Milo will never walk, so once he gets to about 3 and no longer fits in a buggy, he'll be in a wheelchair and because he can't support his own head, it's gonna be one helluva beast! So then I can't go into town with him anymore coz it won't get round the shops, and if we ever have another child, then I can't push Milo and a buggy at the same time, so I'll never be able to leave the house unless my partner is off work. So my plan was to have another baby now and just get a double buggy, simples!

But my partner wants to wait. I don't know why, he just says he thinks we aren't ready yet and we should wait to see how Milo is. But he's never going to get better, and in fact the bigger and heavier he gets the more work he's going to be when we can no longer lift him out of bed and we need hoists and stuff, so surely I should be pregnant now while theres not much lifting?

Its so confusing but all I know if my heart breaks for the healthy baby I thought I was getting last time and I'm still waiting for now I love Milo to bits, but I just want a healthy baby too!

 

[jackiea85]

It sounds really difficult what you are saying really does make sense, have you explained to him the reasons why you think it would be best to have another baby soon? I'm not sure what to suggest really, it's best to wait until you are both ready, obviously, but as the full time carer it will have more of an effect on your life than his. I think all you can really do is have a talk and try to make him see your point of view, other than that I really don't know hun xx

 

[MummyClaire]

Thank you for your reply!

Yes I talked and talked it through with him until we're at the point where he's sick of hearing about it. I know its a joint decision but theres just no compromise with him! He gets to go out all day to work and have a life but I'm stuck at home. I can't work now, I'm a full time carer, so if I'm at home with one why not be at home with 2?

 

[thompsonic]

I'm really sorry about your situation... my mum's best friend has a 4 year old son with severe cerebal palsy and so I know just how hard it can be... he has a wheelchair/buggy type thing but she manages to get out and and about.. it doesn't have to be the end of the world. Also, I just want to let you know (and I hope this doesn't sound patronising) but there is light at the end of the tunnel... Harry (the little boy), everyone thought he would never be able to do ANYTHING for himself... well my dad's company (he is MD of Liberator, they supply communication devices for disabled people, just like those with cerebal palsy who can't talk) is sorting him out with a device, and Harry has learnt to point his fingers to operate the device, and the other day when he came round, he managed to say 'bah bah' (bye bye), it was a struggle but he did it...

I haven't got any advice but I hope you manage to get a solution

 

[MummyClaire]

Thank you for your reply.

Yeah I know that there's still light, I mean I have him don't I! Some days I think i should just shut up moaning and think of all the poor couple who are childless, or have lost babies and then thank my lucky stars. We have Milo and he's my life and I should be happy!

Truth is though, I've come to terms with what he has and whether he can do all or nothing, I'm not fussed coz I couldn't be more proud of him than I already am. I still want another baby though, I just long for a baby that I can bring up alone, without the NHS and all its services breathing down my neck saying what to do or not to do. I just want the baby I was meant to have before, not to replace Milo, but to just complete our family.

I just don't know how to make my OH see that it needs to be sooner rather than later, for simplicities sake!

 

[plutosblue]

Like the others have said just talk to him.. maybe he is worried? Let him voice his concerns and try to put his mind at rest..

Either that or get a good drink down him!

 

[goddess25]

I am sorry that you are going through this, I feel for you. I dont really have any input at all as I have no experience of your situation. It sounds like he might be scared and I can understand him saying that your not ready, you might be but it doesnt sound like he is. I would just suggest to continue communicating with one another about your feelings and just keep making sure he knows what you want.

You know I carry my baby everywhere, there are baby carriers that can carry kids until 80lbs. That would be hard when that heavy but to begin with for the first year at least you could carry the new baby while you push Milo in his wheelchair.