visiting rights

[jess_smurf]

hi

sort of new been lurking for a while but....

I have offered my ex to come see her whenever he wants he was coming everyday after work it was all going great then he wouldnt come round at the weekends and turn up as if nothing happened.

so i asked him and he blew his top and stormed off, i have always wanted to be around her and i have problems being away from her after i lost my son i have panic's that she will die if i am not around. anyway he wants to take her see his parents, to which i replied they are welcome to visit here and see her but i dont get on with his mum at all, a big reason why we split up.

he is now refusing to see her with me present, i have offered to sit in the bedroom or get some much needed cleaning done while he is with her, he still refuses unless he can take her for an hour to see his parents. i got free legal advice they advised to be careful as he can take her and not return her as he has parental rights too. the thing is in the past he has threatened to kill me and take her, i am in the process of moving as i dont feel save at all

also he agreed to pay £50 pw which what csa advises he should and not had a penny and he refuding to pay until he can take her off me

also i am currently breast feeding and its not practicle for her to be away from me

he smokes/smoked weed i found a load in the kitchen after sniffing it out, he told me i was imagining the smell so booted him out

he is a bully and uses emotional blackmail

i am at my wits ends, i know if i get csa olivia gets to keep it all and it doesnt effect my benefits at all. its just one massive mess atm and i dont know what to do

why do they want to take her away from me

 

[billy2mm]

do not let him take her!! as you are breastfeeding you cant be away from her anyway.

call the csa asap and get that started coz he cannot say to you im not paying unless i get what i want. thats not a father at all thats a spoilt brat!

is he on the bc? if not then he has no parental rights at all.

 

[gemabee]

i think u have been very fair up to now... nd obv baby needs to be with u as ur breastfeeding.
like billy2mm said, is he on birth certificate cos if not he doesn't have rights to baby.
i strongly suggest goin through csa... u will get money nd a custody agreement he can't go against.
xx

 

[CLH_X3]

Awhh Hun i really feel for you but this is a tricky one...

Do you know if hes would get a sols involved? or go all the way to court ?....

A friend of mine had the same problem, said he could come over and see LO but with her there only, like your ex hers did the same and said he wanted the lo by himself without her there (He didnt like being around her at all and they do not get on one bit) she refused and it he went the whole way and took her to court, He got more from the court then what he was actually asking for in the first place, 6 hours on a sunday away from her starting at 7 months and at 9 months there was a review and he gets overnight stays as well now every week... She did fight this as muich as she could but the sols basacly said to her the courts dont care how you feel a father has a right to see his child without you there and they wont take her feelings into consideration!! She was also trying to fight beacuse her ex had a new gf that was going to see her LO as soon as he got unsupervised visits b

Basically what Im saying is if your ex is willing to go the whole way and you dont even agree to an hour unsupervised then he may get more then he actually wants at the moment,...

you should never be in this kind of situation, but i just wanted to give you some thoughts of what could happen...

 

[scottishgal89]

To me this is abuse.
I know you want him around but you need think about what is best for you as well as lo.
Do not let him take her to his parents. Like others have said. He may not bring her back.
Keep a note of all the threats and aggresion.
My ex abused me and I ended up going to the police and he hasn't seen my daughter for over 6months now. He is trying to take me to court.
My circumstances are slightly different.
But if there is a chance he could hurt you or your baby you really need to think things through.
Giving you an ultimatium and basically blackmailing you is absolutely disgusting!
I would also go to the CSA. One less thing for you to have to worry about.
I would also go to a lawyer, tell them what he has said to you and what he wants. Get there advice and ask them to send a letter if need be.
You have been being more than reasonable so far if he has been seeing your baby every day!
I certainly wouldnt allow that after the way he has spoke to you.
And the fact he disappears at weekends...says it all really.
Your baby is only 3months old. And if breastfeeding, the chances are a court would go in your favour. But the fact he is there everyday and contributes to her care, means that they may view it that he can look after her. Does he change nappies, help bath her, etc?
xx

 

[ProudMum]

hi

sort of new been lurking for a while but....

I have offered my ex to come see her whenever he wants he was coming everyday after work it was all going great then he wouldnt come round at the weekends and turn up as if nothing happened.

so i asked him and he blew his top and stormed off, i have always wanted to be around her and i have problems being away from her after i lost my son i have panic's that she will die if i am not around. anyway he wants to take her see his parents, to which i replied they are welcome to visit here and see her but i dont get on with his mum at all, a big reason why we split up.

he is now refusing to see her with me present, i have offered to sit in the bedroom or get some much needed cleaning done while he is with her, he still refuses unless he can take her for an hour to see his parents. i got free legal advice they advised to be careful as he can take her and not return her as he has parental rights too. the thing is in the past he has threatened to kill me and take her, i am in the process of moving as i dont feel save at all

also he agreed to pay £50 pw which what csa advises he should and not had a penny and he refuding to pay until he can take her off me

also i am currently breast feeding and its not practicle for her to be away from me

he smokes/smoked weed i found a load in the kitchen after sniffing it out, he told me i was imagining the smell so booted him out

he is a bully and uses emotional blackmail

i am at my wits ends, i know if i get csa olivia gets to keep it all and it doesnt effect my benefits at all. its just one massive mess atm and i dont know what to do

why do they want to take her away from me

i could have written this myself hun

im going thru the exact same thing and have been threatened with court if i dont let my ex take our kids to see his parents.
like you, i dont get on with them and hes using emotional blackmail to scare me.

it kicked off for me last night and ever since i have felt ill and just cant sleep.
my ex has no parental rights at all but its still worrying me to a point of feeling poorly and loosing the will to live.

my eldest son wont be without me just as i wont be without him, we're very close to one another and i'll panic that if i let him go with his dad that i'll never see him again.

i dont know what to do either...

fob wants to be able to take my kids where he wants, when he wants, as he wants and its something i absolutely refuse, altho i have never stopped him coming to the house... i'm just waiting for the 'over night stay' requests to come in- thats something myself and my son wont be able t deal with given hes a mummys boy and i have never been away from him once in 3 years.

why are men like this

 

[Bex1p]

hi

sort of new been lurking for a while but....

I have offered my ex to come see her whenever he wants he was coming everyday after work it was all going great then he wouldnt come round at the weekends and turn up as if nothing happened.

so i asked him and he blew his top and stormed off, i have always wanted to be around her and i have problems being away from her after i lost my son i have panic's that she will die if i am not around. anyway he wants to take her see his parents, to which i replied they are welcome to visit here and see her but i dont get on with his mum at all, a big reason why we split up.

he is now refusing to see her with me present, i have offered to sit in the bedroom or get some much needed cleaning done while he is with her, he still refuses unless he can take her for an hour to see his parents. i got free legal advice they advised to be careful as he can take her and not return her as he has parental rights too. the thing is in the past he has threatened to kill me and take her, i am in the process of moving as i dont feel save at all

also he agreed to pay £50 pw which what csa advises he should and not had a penny and he refuding to pay until he can take her off me

also i am currently breast feeding and its not practicle for her to be away from me

he smokes/smoked weed i found a load in the kitchen after sniffing it out, he told me i was imagining the smell so booted him out

he is a bully and uses emotional blackmail

i am at my wits ends, i know if i get csa olivia gets to keep it all and it doesnt effect my benefits at all. its just one massive mess atm and i dont know what to do

why do they want to take her away from me

i could have written this myself hun

im going thru the exact same thing and have been threatened with court if i dont let my ex take our kids to see his parents.
like you, i dont get on with them and hes using emotional blackmail to scare me.

it kicked off for me last night and ever since i have felt ill and just cant sleep.
my ex has no parental rights at all but its still worrying me to a point of feeling poorly and loosing the will to live.

my eldest son wont be without me just as i wont be without him, we're very close to one another and i'll panic that if i let him go with his dad that i'll never see him again.

i dont know what to do either...

fob wants to be able to take my kids where he wants, when he wants, as he wants and its something i absolutely refuse, altho i have never stopped him coming to the house... i'm just waiting for the 'over night stay' requests to come in- thats something myself and my son wont be able t deal with given hes a mummys boy and i have never been away from him once in 3 years.

why are men like this

Same situation here too! FOB is abusive and mentally unstable. I give him an hour supervised a week for now, last week it all kicked off as he wants more, makes me very ill with worry too but I think of it like this....until he goes through a court which could take a hell of a long time then he can do nothing that I dont agree too.

I know one day it will all come, but hopefully with age on Leo's side...i.e being able to talk a little or atleast hold his head up properly! Then I will worry less.

Good luck to us all!

 

[ProudMum]

hi

sort of new been lurking for a while but....

I have offered my ex to come see her whenever he wants he was coming everyday after work it was all going great then he wouldnt come round at the weekends and turn up as if nothing happened.

so i asked him and he blew his top and stormed off, i have always wanted to be around her and i have problems being away from her after i lost my son i have panic's that she will die if i am not around. anyway he wants to take her see his parents, to which i replied they are welcome to visit here and see her but i dont get on with his mum at all, a big reason why we split up.

he is now refusing to see her with me present, i have offered to sit in the bedroom or get some much needed cleaning done while he is with her, he still refuses unless he can take her for an hour to see his parents. i got free legal advice they advised to be careful as he can take her and not return her as he has parental rights too. the thing is in the past he has threatened to kill me and take her, i am in the process of moving as i dont feel save at all

also he agreed to pay £50 pw which what csa advises he should and not had a penny and he refuding to pay until he can take her off me

also i am currently breast feeding and its not practicle for her to be away from me

he smokes/smoked weed i found a load in the kitchen after sniffing it out, he told me i was imagining the smell so booted him out

he is a bully and uses emotional blackmail

i am at my wits ends, i know if i get csa olivia gets to keep it all and it doesnt effect my benefits at all. its just one massive mess atm and i dont know what to do

why do they want to take her away from me

i could have written this myself hun

im going thru the exact same thing and have been threatened with court if i dont let my ex take our kids to see his parents.
like you, i dont get on with them and hes using emotional blackmail to scare me.

it kicked off for me last night and ever since i have felt ill and just cant sleep.
my ex has no parental rights at all but its still worrying me to a point of feeling poorly and loosing the will to live.

my eldest son wont be without me just as i wont be without him, we're very close to one another and i'll panic that if i let him go with his dad that i'll never see him again.

i dont know what to do either...

fob wants to be able to take my kids where he wants, when he wants, as he wants and its something i absolutely refuse, altho i have never stopped him coming to the house... i'm just waiting for the 'over night stay' requests to come in- thats something myself and my son wont be able t deal with given hes a mummys boy and i have never been away from him once in 3 years.

why are men like this

Same situation here too! FOB is abusive and mentally unstable. I give him an hour supervised a week for now, last week it all kicked off as he wants more, makes me very ill with worry too but I think of it like this....until he goes through a court which could take a hell of a long time then he can do nothing that I dont agree too.

I know one day it will all come, but hopefully with age on Leo's side...i.e being able to talk a little or atleast hold his head up properly! Then I will worry less.

Good luck to us all!

im finding it hard to deal with... everytime i think about being taken to court i feel unwell and start going into a panic attack mode..

it makes me feel as tho im loosing the will to live- the thought of being taken to court for my children, whether its their father doing it or not, just seems so wrong.
we carried them for 9 months, made them what they are today, clothe them, spoil them rotten, make them smile, make them happy and the fathers come waltzing in like they have the rights to be a dad when they've done fuck all to deserve the title.

like you, fob is mentally abusive to me- makes me think im crazy, makes me believe its me in the wrong... hes been doing it for 5 years.
i dunno what to do.
i dread every day the postman comes incase its a solicitors letter
bet of luck to you.xx

 

[lal]

"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow. It empties today of its strength."
- Corrie Ten Boom
I know it seems impossible not to worry, I struggle with it also, but try to take every day as it is - please don't ever say it is affecting your will to live! Your baby needs you for the rest of your life! Odds are that these guys are all talk, and if you refuse to get upset by them, they may back off? Good luck, and hang in there, things will get better (they have to, right?)!

 

[Bex1p]

"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow. It empties today of its strength."
- Corrie Ten Boom
I know it seems impossible not to worry, I struggle with it also, but try to take every day as it is - please don't ever say it is affecting your will to live! Your baby needs you for the rest of your life! Odds are that these guys are all talk, and if you refuse to get upset by them, they may back off? Good luck, and hang in there, things will get better (they have to, right?)!

Love the quote!

Yeah I find that FOB brings up court when hes trying to emotionally blackmail and scare me....he's had 6 weeks since Leo has been born and 6 months since we split up to seek advice and he hasnt done a thing except LIE that he's seen someone and say that he can get ALL this access and probably joint custody. Surely if he believed that he would have gone for it!
What a joke!

 

[jess_smurf]

its just crap isnt it, he is a nasty piece of work like his mum

he is taking me to court for weekend acess saying if i cant express milk she will have to have formula whichi dont want has he got anychance ?? he has problems sleepwalking and has attacked me a few times in his sleep

 

[CLH_X3]

I think the courts can ask you to express, A sol told my friend that if she can express they will ask her to do it.

I cant really see why they would denie him any access beacuse he sleep walks. Thousands of dads do and mums so unless there was a major issue with it i cant see him being denied time with the lo

 

[jess_smurf]

he has attacked me while sleep walking, would you let your LO be put at risk? i cant express i never get anything out and she wont take the bottle either we have tried !

 

[lal]

I don't think anybody on here would purposely put their child in danger, she probably was trying to say how the courts will look at it - and I'd have to agree, it would be hard to prove sleepwalking...you've said he smokes pot, do the courts there do drug tests if suggested? Hopefully you at the least could make it so he only had supervised visits, if he is irresponsible.

 

[CLH_X3]

I don't think anybody on here would purposely put their child in danger, she probably was trying to say how the courts will look at it - and I'd have to agree, it would be hard to prove sleepwalking...you've said he smokes pot, do the courts there do drug tests if suggested? Hopefully you at the least could make it so he only had supervised visits, if he is irresponsible.

Thanks, Yes thats what i meant. If he said No hes never attacked you in his sleep and lies then I can see the court believing him TBH for the pure fact you have no proof..

If you push for supervised visits first at one of those centres so it wont be with you then the courts probs give him that to begin with then there will probs be some sort of review after 3 months etc and he will most likley get unsupervised visits where he can take the kids were he wants (Probs not for a long amount of time as your breastfeeding), but to be honest unless hes really messed up then i cant see why the courts wouldnt grant him it ... sorry x

 

[Fraggles]

Awhh Hun i really feel for you but this is a tricky one...

Do you know if hes would get a sols involved? or go all the way to court ?....

A friend of mine had the same problem, said he could come over and see LO but with her there only, like your ex hers did the same and said he wanted the lo by himself without her there (He didnt like being around her at all and they do not get on one bit) she refused and it he went the whole way and took her to court, He got more from the court then what he was actually asking for in the first place, 6 hours on a sunday away from her starting at 7 months and at 9 months there was a review and he gets overnight stays as well now every week... She did fight this as muich as she could but the sols basacly said to her the courts dont care how you feel a father has a right to see his child without you there and they wont take her feelings into consideration!! She was also trying to fight beacuse her ex had a new gf that was going to see her LO as soon as he got unsupervised visits b

Basically what Im saying is if your ex is willing to go the whole way and you dont even agree to an hour unsupervised then he may get more then he actually wants at the moment,...

you should never be in this kind of situation, but i just wanted to give you some thoughts of what could happen...

I'd of appealed that, most courts wouldn't dream of separating a baby at such a young age from their mum.

When BFing they have even less chance.

 

[CLH_X3]

Awhh Hun i really feel for you but this is a tricky one...

Do you know if hes would get a sols involved? or go all the way to court ?....

A friend of mine had the same problem, said he could come over and see LO but with her there only, like your ex hers did the same and said he wanted the lo by himself without her there (He didnt like being around her at all and they do not get on one bit) she refused and it he went the whole way and took her to court, He got more from the court then what he was actually asking for in the first place, 6 hours on a sunday away from her starting at 7 months and at 9 months there was a review and he gets overnight stays as well now every week... She did fight this as muich as she could but the sols basacly said to her the courts dont care how you feel a father has a right to see his child without you there and they wont take her feelings into consideration!! She was also trying to fight beacuse her ex had a new gf that was going to see her LO as soon as he got unsupervised visits b

Basically what Im saying is if your ex is willing to go the whole way and you dont even agree to an hour unsupervised then he may get more then he actually wants at the moment,...

you should never be in this kind of situation, but i just wanted to give you some thoughts of what could happen...

I'd of appealed that, most courts wouldn't dream of separating a baby at such a young age from their mum.

When BFing they have even less chance.

She was bottle feeding, so the court just said he can make a bottle and feed the lo, (I think she just started going on to jars as well when he started having her offically as the arrangment started a couple weeks after the last court hearing) its sad but it did work out for the best for them both. the lo is 2.5 years old now and the father wants more again so things will be going back to court again within the next 6 months as she doesnt want to give him more time on a weekend.

Atm he is getting 6 hours on a Sunday .. 10-4pm and on the next sat he gets the lo 6pm -12.30 the next day ... which isnt alot as the lo goes to bed early and sleeps til about 7-8! and then its back to the sunday again. If that makes sense. so my friend gets a little break which she likes but doesnt want to give more time up ....

sorry to the original poster! bit of subject


I hope you find a way of doing visits that your happy with jess_smurf