hi folks (sorry, i have a little rant too...) finally after 2 years and 2 months the gyno has finally sent a letter to the fertility clinic to get the ball rolling on our ivf. its been so frustrating and at our last appointment i basically broke down when he said to do yet another cycle on 100 mg clomid! that would then be 12 cycles on clomid over 26 months! (my cycles are very irregular - last period was end of august start of september last year - so that is 5 months!) and as soon as he said i'm going to write you a script for clomid i started crying! i couldn't take another round of that stuff and it messes with my head and body really badly. hot flushes, VERY sore bbs and VERY bad cramps. i ended up saying that if i didn't get any other treatment that i'd put in a grievance to the health board about his incompetence, and the trauma of his treatment of us (he is quite nasty, tells us that we are just not meant to be parents). then, when he caught on that we were serious, said that he would draft a letter to the clinic for our referral and said that we would hear from them within 3 months! and these 3 months couldn't pass quick enough. it feels like we have been held back by the jerk that thinks he is god of fertility when in actual fact he is an arrogant incompetent nasty piece of work that shouldn't be allowed need women when they are vulnerable and feel incapable of having a baby. he made me feel worthless when in actual fact i am not. i am a good person but not without flaws, i run my own business and look after my 84y.o. grandmother (she is bed ridden after her heart attack and i am the only person she will let near her), i am married, i cook and clean, i walk our dog and i make time for voluntary work at the care home. i have sundays off as rest day but that is spent going over my business books and catching up on ironing, so i don't really get a day off. don't get me wrong i never grudge doing any of these things, but one of my flaws is that i sometimes am selfish and wish that someone would step in and do it all for once. so i came out of that last gyno app feeling like i'd just climbed Everest! i got my long awaited referral so someone who actually knows what they are doing and who will have a little more sympathy for us. i cannot wait! i have to admit though, i had a really bad phase for the past 2 weeks. i was to down in the dumps as i found out that 2 cousins are pregnant! and one of whom is due in MARCH! and the other announced on facebook that she is pregnant and she was only 5 weeks gone at the time! and she has been posting side on pics every 2 days of her "bump". and i'd be lying if i said it didn't bother me, but it does. so i was feeling very sorry for myself! and i know it is pathetic, but when you want something so bad and know that you are failing and then get all emotional, you are never going to be rational when people "rub it in your face". but i want to point out that i never once opened my mouth about it because it would not be fair to kill the joy of their pregnancy. so 3 months from the 6th of january. i should know by march if i get an appointment! i am so excited that i have something to look forward to rather that more waiting for the unknown to happen! and so much relief of all that pressure! knowing that something is getting done and that we are moving in the right direction after so long waiting! come on mr postman, bring me something nice soon! UPDATE: so it's been over a month since out gyno app and him telling us of his intention to refer us. and now we have our first appointment date! 7th of march here we come! and it's a month sooner than they said i would get one so i am delighted with that! so the race is on to shift the pounds! now i have mega motivation!