waiting to breath

[SerenityIllin]

I am 9 weeks pregnant and haven't told anyone yet, not even the father.
I know i should have told him last month but i thought i might have another miscarraige. I am plaining on telling him this weekend and i am terrified that after i tell him i will miscarry due to the fact that i have had 3 miscarraiges in 2 years (from a previous relationship). He knows i have had them though. Just so stressed out and i know being stressed isn't good for me or the baby. It is just hard for me to even admit to myself that i am pregnant that to say it to him seems imposible. Any suggestions?

 

[wonders10]

I am 9 weeks pregnant and haven't told anyone yet, not even the father.
I know i should have told him last month but i thought i might have another miscarraige. I am plaining on telling him this weekend and i am terrified that after i tell him i will miscarry due to the fact that i have had 3 miscarraiges in 2 years (from a previous relationship). He knows i have had them though. Just so stressed out and i know being stressed isn't good for me or the baby. It is just hard for me to even admit to myself that i am pregnant that to say it to him seems imposible. Any suggestions?

Are you scared to tell him because he may not be excited about a baby?

I understand the fears of having another miscarriage, I have had one and that was plenty but when it happened, I was glad that I had told a few people because I had them as support for me - both while I was pregnant and then after I lost the baby. Unless there is another reason, I would tell him 1)to relieve your stress of not telling him and 2) to have some support. If not him, do you have a close friend or relative you could tell?

 

[SerenityIllin]

When i went through my hardest miscarraige everyone knew about my pregnancy, i was high risk and put on light duty at work with strick limits. When i lost the baby i almost died due to massive blood lose. He knows all of this and he also lost a baby so both of us are scared of losing another baby. When i did lose the baby people didn't even ackoledge my feelings, they said "your better off" or "I'm sorry, hey listen to what happened on my date last night". I know my mother would be totally there for me if i told her but i don't want her going though it with me again if i lose the baby because it was just as hard on her as it was for me.

 

[HerdingDogs]

Hey you. Big hugs. I was talking to my coworker today. This made me feel like crap, but it might make you feel better. She was warning me about being too excited (in a nice way). She has two great kids. But she miscarried twice in between those two kids. She and her husband didn't even get excited about their son because they assumed she would miscarry. Yes, if you have miscarried a few times then you are at higher risk but it is not a guarantee. Stay positive, stay healthy, try to STOP stressing.

As for people not talking, with my ex I had a DV situation. I would try to talk to my friends about it, and they would pretend they didn't hear or brush me off then start whining about their 1st first world problems. The truth is it isn't that they love you less or feel like you are overreacting, it's that they don't know how to handle the situation. My secretary's dad just died (the stepmom didn't tell his kids he was sick, just suddenly told them all he died after weeks of being in the hospital), but nobody brings it up at work. We don't ask her how she is, we don't give her hugs. Granted, we're sending her a gift and collecting money. But talking about loss is hard. You always have us here though.

 

[SerenityIllin]

thank you all for your support

 

[3liz]

Hi there,

try not to worry to much as there's nothing you can control.
I understand not wanting to tell too soon but I think it is terrible not being able to share your fears and dougts with your SO.
It must add to the stress and lonely feeling you must feel these days.
Anyway, I know the feeling as I am constantly scared something wrong will happen.
Good luck!