Wanting a baby, but at uni!! need advice!!

[Libb]

Hi everyone!

I've joined this sight, seeking a little bit of advice..

Last year I had surgery to remove endometriosis, and now it has come back.. I don't have a huge window of opportunity to fall pregnant. I am only nineteen. But my partner and I own our own house, I am at uni and he is working full time. I really want to start trying to conceive soon, but I don't know how I will cope with uni!!

Has anyone here studied while pregnant/ with a new born?? Any advice would be greatly appreciated..

Also, I have a bowel condition called gastroparsesis.. And I have been told that a caesarean would be my best option for delivery.. Can anyone tell me about their caesarean experience? or experience of being pregnant with an intestinal track condition?

Thanks heaps guys!! Can't wait to read your responses
Have a lovely day everyone xx

 

[amotherslove]

if you're already struggling with endo, i would start NOW! otherwise you may lose your chance imo.

i'm in uni too! i was pregnant twice during my first degree and raised a baby while i finished it, and i'm going to be having another baby during this second degree i'm doing. it can be hard. you have to ask yourself about your motivation level, and about your academic skill. im very good at school and having a kid pushes me to do well. so i've been able to manage.

support is important too, because you'll need adequate and affordable childcare.

i wish you the best. feel free to friend me! here for you!

 

[Libb]

Thank you!

We have decided to start trying ASAP. We tried during ovulation this month, (about a week and a half ago) and I have started to develop really sore breasts.. So we are hoping for a positive test this month!!!
I am really good at school, and think that having a little one will increase my motivation! & my uni has a daycare centre, plus my mum is moving down to where we live soon.
Thats awesome that you were able to raise a bub while at uni, and are having another!! What was the hardest part about it? Exams, assignments.. etc..

I'm not too sure how to friend on here.. lol..
Thanks heaps for your advice!!

 

[amotherslove]

the hardest part honestly? the mom guilt. you will feel TERRIBLE when you cant focus on your child and you have to focus on studies. the mommy guilt is hard.

also if you procrastinate at all and then your kid gets the flu and now you cant do the assignment... that sucks hahaha.

and sleeplessness. sleep will be scarce. but you learn to cope.

 

[amotherslove]

and good luck!!!! let me know how it goes!!!!

 

[staralfur]

Normally I would definitely say to wait but if your window is small then it may definitely be worth the tradeoff.

University with a new baby was incredibly difficult for me and I've always been good/motivated to do well in school so that wasn't a factor. I think for me the biggest thing was actually my baby's temperament, which unfortunately you won't know anything about until you meet your baby. Mine was high needs to the core, needed to be held and breastfed around the clock, woke every hour... trying to find the time and energy to then turn it around and focus on doing schoolwork was nearly impossible and I was miserable. My grades dropped, my mood dropped, I was very overwhelmed all of the time.

But I did get through it. I would never again have a baby while going to school if I had any choice, but I made it out the other side okay.

I'm not trying to scare you or be a total downer because I know you have some other circumstances which make it so that it might be necessary for you, but please be prepared for it to potentially be much more difficult than you might think/what others might have experienced. That way it at least won't catch you off guard and you won't find yourself wondering "why is this so hard for me when other people seemed to be able to do it just fine?" because that was a big factor for me as well, I felt like I must be doing something wrong. But honestly looking back I believe it was mostly due to my LO's temperament, as I said. Had she even just slept better so that I was more well-rested, or slept happily on her own for a couple of hours so that I had my hands free and ability to focus on something else for a while... I think it would have made a huge difference. But as I also said, you won't know what or how much your baby needs from you until you're already committed to it!

 

[MindUtopia]

I would just say give some good thought to your finances, work out exactly what your bills would be, factoring in formula (whether you plan to BF or not because there are many reasons you might end up needing it), baby supplies, extra food costs, etc. plus housing costs (if you end up needing to move for more space) and childcare costs. Being pregnant is easy while you're studying, except you're likely to just be more tired (but as you don't have a baby to look after yet, you can just go to bed early, so it's very manageable). But the hard part is balancing your degree with parenting and high childcare costs. I did my PhD while pregnant and then the first 4 years of my daughter's life. It was doable only because I had family help with childcare costs during the tough months when things were tight. My course didn't provide enough funding that we could have covered them on our own some months, plus all our regular expenses, even though my husband runs a successful business and we generally have a good solid income. Until we got our 3 year funding (so for the first 2 years she was in nursery), it was about £900 a month for childcare alone, plus all other costs. Once she was 3, it was more like an extra £600. It is doable, but you need to be really focused, get up early (lots of mornings I was up at 5am working before my daughter woke at 7 even after being up 2-3 times during the night) and stay up late (after she went to bed at 7pm, I'd go to my desk and carry on until bedtime. It can be tough on your relationship because you don't get to see each other as much as you used to. And of course, the financial pressures can be really tough.

For me, finishing my degree would be a much more secure future for us, so it was worth the investment, but if I was young, even with potential fertility issues, I'd probably wait an extra year or two so that I could make sure I could commit myself to my baby as fully as possible and also to my studies. I was lucky that I was still able to take a full year of paid maternity leave (from my work) and could take a leave of absence from my degree and then go back when she was 1, so I got to have the same experience everyone else did without feeling like I was missing out on all those early months. When we started though, I was 31 and I only just finished my degree this year (I'm 36), so it would have meant waiting until about 37 to have our first (it was a 7 year course), which was too late for me as we really want to be doing other things than still having babies in our 40s.

So yes, it's totally doable, just make sure you've thought it through, planned how to afford it all, and are genuinely ready for reasons other than feeling pressured by health concerns (if it helps at all, my good friend has severe endo and was also told she'd be very lucky to get pregnant, she finished uni, travelled and worked all over the world, finally met someone and they decided to TTC when she was 39, she got pregnant right away and had her first at 40, so doctors gloomy predictions don't always hold true!). Good luck though with whatever you decide.

 

[GI_Jane]

The adjustment from a family of 2 to a family of 3 is HUGE. You think you know what it will be like and that you will cope, but when it really happens it is a massive life shift and that assumes your pregnancy and birth go smoothly.

The shift to being a mum was harder then I ever could of imagined and to do that whilst studying for my degree/masters/PhD- there is no way I could have done that so I take my hat off to all those that have accomplished that. Maybe some subjects are more flexible in their classes and assignments/exams?

On the flip side- I have PCOS, endometriosis and only one tube. I have been able to conceive in my 30's after having the endometriosis cauterized....

If your endo is already back is it worth completing your degree, having the op again and then ttc?

Sounds like you have already made your mind up so good luck.