Wanting to be married before baby

[ashxd]

Am I crazy for wanting to be officially married before I have my baby?

We've been together for 3 years and we are doing awesome! I don't need it for reassurance, I'm more concerned about being a good example for my future child. Although it's father and I are very happy and stable, I feel like I'd be a contradiction to tell my kid that I want them to be married (or at least in a long term relationship) before they have children.

SO doesn't want to get married now because he feels like people are going to think its just because of the kid. lol we are complicated people! hahah

Opinions?

 

[MrsHudson]

Well my DH wanted a kid a long time ago and I happen to be traditional so I told him we needed to be married first and that's what happened.

I totally get where you're coming from and I don't blame you. Though I will say it doesn't really bother me if people have kids not married, because everyone's entitled to do what they want. I say if you want that and he wants that who cares what anyone thinks? Do what's right for you.

 

[ashxd]

Well my DH wanted a kid a long time ago and I happen to be traditional so I told him we needed to be married first and that's what happened.

I totally get where you're coming from and I don't blame you. Though I will say it doesn't really bother me if people have kids not married, because everyone's entitled to do what they want. I say if you want that and he wants that who cares what anyone thinks? Do what's right for you.

I'm just questioning everything I think now because my emotions are out of whack! This baby has made me a sapppp! haha. Thank you!!

 

[sil]

When my DS was born, DH and I were not married. We got married when he was 3 months old. At that point, we had been together for 7 years. I don't think the actual title matters as much as your overall happiness and stability as a couple

 

[pink_phoenix]

I think your setting a wonderful example as you are now hun.
Like u said ud like your future children to be married or in a long term relationship before considering kids, you say your relationship is 3 years long and that is long term and a great accomplishment in its self.

Also high morals and self respect seem to be very important thing to you and that's a wonderful trait to pass down to any children xx

I'd say take things are they are and don't rush into getting married. It seems as thought it's something that will happen anyway so just sit back and enjoy the ride xx

 

[Luckybug]

The most important example you set for your children is the love and respect you have for each other.

 

[MrsHudson]

I know what you mean! But if you wait you could have time to plan exactly what you want so you have think about that too.

 

[Zephram]

The best example you can give is to be in a loving, happy and healthy relationship. Whether you happen to have a piece of paper saying you're married or not doesn't change the quality of your relationship.

You're not crazy for wanting to be married, but it's not the 1950s anymore and families come in all shapes and sizes. I wouldn't push your OH into it, if you both agree it's the right time, then go for it, but if you'd rather wait until you're both in the right space for it, then good too - at least if you wait until after baby is born then you can have a champagne.

 

[Buffyx]

I totally understand. I wanted to be married before children.

 

[Catiren]

my boyfriend wants to marry me before baby is born but he planned on proposing after we got a new home to live in together with our babies. i personally told him id love to walk down the isle with a belly and looks like ill be doing so this spring! he doesnt like being pressured and he's planned this out before we even planned having a baby together.

 

[ashxd]

Thank you all!! Love hearing other opinions!

 

[mysweetangel]

Totally not crazy! When I got pregnant, my husband and I weren't married yet but had been together for 3 years and we both decided we wanted to be married before she was born as well

 

[pansorie]

Been with my boyfriend (who I usually call my husband) for 5 years. We are happy as we are. We have a great relationship, and I love him like crazy, I hope the love and respect we have for each other will outweigh the fact that we are not married.

 

[seritamarie]

I used to want to be married before having children. But honestly now for some reason, I think it would be cute to have them walk down the aisle with me

Haha i'm crazy! I love to plan so much and think about every little detail about the future. Who cares if people think if you are just getting married because you have children together. My boyfriend used to think that, but we know where we stand in our relationship and now realize its silly to put off certain things just because of what other people would think!

 

[xCookieDoughx]

I wanted to be married before I had kids but it just didn't happen before I had my son. We got married when our son was 4 months old and now expecting our second. It's really not much different tbh. Just means that I won't have to re-register the birth this time also me and the baby will have the same surname from birth lol! X

 

[steph.]

I wanted to be married before we had dd1 so I walked (or rather waddled) up the aisle at 34weeks. Tbh I regret it. I've been skinny my whole life, but had put on 20kg+ and was retaining so much water that my face was swollen and unrecognisable, my feet swelled so much that I had to borrow my mum's shoes on the day, my arms looked over-sized, my boobs were kinda spilling out. I hate looking at my wedding pictures and feel really jealous when I see pictures of women looking amazing on their wedding day. I thought I would have a neat bump and be glowing but the reality of pregnancy was very different. I know it sounds very superficial but tbh I'm not planning on getting married again ever, that was it, and I looked like a sweaty hippo.

I know what you are feeling, so my advice to you would be to do it before you hit the 3rd trimester.

 

[pgfairy]

I've always been a big believer that marriage is a great thing to do, but when you do it really shouldn't matter if you know you're going to spend the rest of your life with someone. Doing it today, or wanting to do it with your little darling as the ring bearer/flower girl.....wanting to do it with a big bump....whatever. As long as you're doing it when the two of you want to do it most is the important thing I think. If you're going to be together till you're 90 don't you want to look back on your wedding and think 'I'm so glad we got married THEN'? I think you two should decide when you want 'then' to be for the two of you without all the societal pressures and family angst and 'this is how it's supposed to be right'? things weighing you down.

 

[dan-o]

We got married after being together for 9 years, when 7m pregnant with ds1!
We wanted the same surname etc.
It was lovely, we had a intimate church wedding, just family and a couple of friends, then had a buffet celebration at my mums house afterwards.

 

[dan-o]

I wanted to be married before we had dd1 so I walked (or rather waddled) up the aisle at 34weeks. Tbh I regret it. I've been skinny my whole life, but had put on 20kg+ and was retaining so much water that my face was swollen and unrecognisable, my feet swelled so much that I had to borrow my mum's shoes on the day, my arms looked over-sized, my boobs were kinda spilling out. I hate looking at my wedding pictures and feel really jealous when I see pictures of women looking amazing on their wedding day. I thought I would have a neat bump and be glowing but the reality of pregnancy was very different. I know it sounds very superficial but tbh I'm not planning on getting married again ever, that was it, and I looked like a sweaty hippo.

I know what you are feeling, so my advice to you would be to do it before you hit the 3rd trimester.

Aww I'm sure you looked gorgeous hun, something always glows about a pregnant woman! People look at my wedding photos and say wow you were fat. I'm like yes, I was 7m pregnant with high blood pressure
I was also fat, compared to now, but that's besides the point

 

[heaveneats]

i totally understand.

for me and my hubby to be, we got engaged after our daughter was born, she was one of those lovely surprise babies, and we had the hard discussion of do we get married before we start trying for baby #2, we both came to the conclusion that we wanted a closer age gap between our kids and it wouldnt happen if we waited until after the wedding. Now we are happy knowing that both our children will be at our wedding, and there to share the special day with us.

its all personal choice, you are not crazy for wanting either or