Was broody & excited...now just terrified!

[Vanilla Spice]

Hey Guys!

My OH and I are planning to start trying in September and just a few weeks ago I was so broody that I didn't know whether I could wait that long...now I have a totally different emotion about trying - I'm absolutely petrified about trying and becoming a parent.

What's wrong with me???

It wasn't that long ago that whenever I thought about finding out that I was pregnant I would get butterflies in my stomach because I was so excited but now when I think about it I feel sick. I'm now questioning whether I want to become a Mum at all.

I have good friends who have just become Mums and I spend time with them and listen to how hard they have found being new parents I just sit there feeling more and more scared.

Has or does anyone else feel like this? Am I just getting cold feet because we are (quickly) getting that much closer to the date we plan to start trying? Or is becoming a Mum really not for me? I really don't know - my emotions are all up in the air that I'm completely confused.

Just needed someone to talk to because I don't want to upset my OH just yet because he's still really excited and I don't want to burst the bubble...not until I'm sure what is going on with me!

Thanks for listening!

 

[Augie]

I'm going through the same thing you are. I've been sooo excited about trying for a baby. We decided on May 2011 and suddenly it hit be today how close that time is coming. I started freaking out thinking "Do we have enough money? Are we prepared for a baby? Can we do it? Are we ready to be parents? Is DH ready to be a dad? Am I ready to be a mom? Can I handle the sleepless nights with a new baby with doing school?!" ARRGGG!!! So, I decided that it is still something I want so so bad, but when May comes, I'm going to be more casual and let fate handle it by just ntnp...

 

[Vanilla Spice]

Hey Augie,

Those are exactly the same questions that I have been asking myself the past couple of days.

A friend of mine said to me the other day that having a baby is a "Do or Die" kind of things...how do I know whether I'm going be able to "do" it or am I just going to "Die"? It's not like I can take the baby back to a shop if I can't cope!!

Aaaarrraaagghhhh!!!

However, it is a little comforting that I'm not the only one who feels like this and even more so that even know you are asking all the same questions as I am - you still really want to be Mum.

Thanks for your words!

 

[louisianagirl]

I went through the same thing for years! I always wanted kids but never really knew when the time would come. When I got married, hubby and I decided to wait a year before evening talking about trying. On the way back from our 1 year anniversary weekend, he asked "so are we going to try and get pregnant?" His willingness gave me the reassurance I needed, but I was scared to death. I found out a few weeks ago that I'm pregnant. We tried 1 month. It happened before we could change our minds...lol It was like a light switch though. The minute you know you can actually chart temps, check cm, etc....You just want it so bad. I am 30. DH is 35.

 

[Edgewood222]

I think everyone has some sort of fear going through pregnancy be it when the little one arrives, having the baby or the process. The unknown is always scary. Change is scary and thats another thing that a baby will bring to the family. You will make the decision that is right for you, but I'm sure if you wanted a baby badly before that you won't back down on it. Either way you will do whatever is right for you and there will always be people like us to try and help you cope or reassure you. My fear is the birthing part...I am not a fan of pain, but I love kids

 

[Cupcake11]

You sound exactly like me!

I was so ready and wanting to TTC and hubby was a little more reserved but we soon settled on the date june 2011 to start trying. about a week after settling on this date i freaked out!! I didnt feel ready to have our lives changed so much!

In the end we booked a holiday for oct 2011 instead so are holding off on baby plans until at least after then!! I feel relived! I still defenitaly want a baby and am broody to start trying in oct now, but i may change my mind nearer time again!xx

 

[glitterbug]

Don't ask what i'm doing here....I guess i'm kind of waiting to try myself since I have one already and we're not sure when we might try for another!

All I wanted to say, was that for years I didn't want children at all. I was convinced I'd never do it. But something clicked overnight (literally) and it was all I could think about!!

Once I was pregnant though, I went through the same emotions as you. I was scared I wouldn't know what to do, my head was filled with horror stories about how hard it would be, of horrible babies who cry day, day out.
But when that day finally arrived and I gave birth to my baby boy, I have never been so in love in my whole life.
Yes it was hard, but BRILLIANT at the same time. The sense of achievement you feel when you settle your baby to sleep, or make them smile and the love you feel for them, even when they cry, is something you cannot put into words.
So don't worry about how difficult people tell you it's going to be. I bet if you asked each of them, they wouldn't change it for the world!!!
I hope you feel better about things soon.
xx

 

[odd_socks]

I think everyone has some sort of fear going through pregnancy be it when the little one arrives, having the baby or the process. The unknown is always scary. Change is scary and thats another thing that a baby will bring to the family. You will make the decision that is right for you, but I'm sure if you wanted a baby badly before that you won't back down on it. Either way you will do whatever is right for you and there will always be people like us to try and help you cope or reassure you. My fear is the birthing part...I am not a fan of pain, but I love kids

i would say the same
i admit the thought of it scares me i question whether i will be a good mum and be able to cope with a baby and pregnancy but the want to be a mum takes over for me and although it scares me its all i want. Its natural for a life changing thing to scare u just makes it more real x

 

[hannab]

these past couple of days ive felt exactly the same. it feels like all the excitment and enthusiasm about ttc has just gone out of me. its probably just a low before i get mental again and start deciding which brand of nappy to buy! my friends coming back to work after maternity leave soon and shes looking forward to it because shes had a rough time 2nd time around. the way shes been makes me doubt how good itll be eventhough i enjoy spending time with her baby. its a very mixed bag of emotions

 

[odd_socks]

its like an emotional rollercoaster thats for sure

 

[vaniilla]

I think the best advice for this is what I got told a while a go, if you wait for the right time to have a baby it will never happen but thats because ideally things could always be better and the only thing that can prepare you is actually doing it, everything in life is a big step especially when its your first

everyone feels the same at that point, I was so terrified of what if I'm terrible parent, what if I can't cope, what about money, but you manage, its one of the best things that will happen in your life,

remember you're not 'suddenly' a parent, you become one, its a learning process that changes a lot along the way, for me the biggest panic was I didn't feel like any of it was happening, I just couldn't believe I was going to be a mum until lo was born, in the big scheme of things pregnancy and the baby days go so quickly and all the problems you had are forgotten and you only remember the good days and forget how tiny they used to be

sorry for going into a long rant but just trying to offer some reassurance because although although we were ttc for 5 cycles and wtt for a year before that it hit me like a truck load of bricks, feel free to pm anytime if you have any questions

 

[Chantibug]

honestly, you can never be "prepared", not fully. It's hard work , but adjusting generally doesn't take long, and the friends who talk about how hard it it, etc .. well, thats what new moms do. They dont have attention of a belly anymore, so they want the world to feel for them... i did it, so im not judging, just being real You'll do fine, and you know what, if you change your mind between now and september, so what? Better to figure it out before you actually get that bfp

Good luck and hugs hun!

 

[xclairx]

You have described exactly how i feel!! Over christmas & New Year all i could think about is having a baby, & everytime i thought about it id get excited & get butterflies in my stomach. I mentioned it to my partner & he said we'l TTC after we get married summer next year, which does excite me but it also scares me!
I have a massive phobia of the late stages of pregnancy with the big bump & also childbirth, i get really anxious & worked up & then i convince myself that i just wouldnt be able to cope.
I hope i feel a little calmer about it by summer 2012 but to be honest iv felt like this for years, but i no i dont wanna get to 45 when its too late to have a baby because i know 100% that id regret it. Yes it will be hard work im sure & im not good without sleep believe me lol & i really dread the childbirth , but whats the alternative getting too old & living with such a huge regret.... This is the only thought that spurs me on, hope it helps you too hun
Good Luck

 

[OmiOmen]

I felt like that each time we TTC and even stated to at the end of pregnancy. I now feel like it now we are WTT for number 2, I have no idea how people cope with more than 1 but everyone says you just do. So I do think it is normal to feel like that from time to time and like someone else said there is never the perfect time, just a better time.

I am not going to lie it is a LOT of hard work but it is worth it and you just cope with it. I had a rough pregnancy and a son who is always on the go, still sleeps really badly and I am back in full time education (and am going to have to go without sleep the next 2 nights just to keep up with work) but you just sort of get on with those things. Seeing your child smile is worth the exhaustion and stress alone, it sounds crazy but I swear it is true.

 

[Vanilla Spice]

Thanks everyone - all your responses have been really helpful and i am feeling a lot more positive (and excited) about things again.

I've decided to be proactive by having a chat to my doctor and getting more knowledgable about the whole process by buying myself a book - hopefully that will help.

Thanks again!