We have a daughter! VERY VERY LONG....She was quite ill.

Wow! It's been so long since I visited this site. So much has happened, and as hard as this may be to believe, this is the first opportunity I've had to post my bith story since our daughter's birth on March 20th.

I was called to the hospital on the morning of the 20th to have a cervadil inserted to begin the long process of induction. I was told I wouldn't be delivering for probably 48-72 hours. When they checked my cervix, they said "Well, you're already 3cm dialated, and since you're 8 days overdue we'll just break your waters and get you going right now". DH and I were shocked! The nurses had told us not to bring our bags because they were sure that this scenario would not happen! Anyway, within 30 mins of arriving at the hospital, I was in a bed and having my waters broken. But when they punctured the waters, nothing flowed out. They tried again, and still nothing came out. Then suddenly a thick dark jelly-like substance flowed out....meconium!

Since the baby had passed the meconium, they decided to just get me going on pitocin/oxytocin to get my labour started and get the baby out of there. The nurse said that, given that Ihad started at 3cm dialated, she was certain that I would deliver by the end of her shift...at 7pm. They cranked up the pitocin and my contractions started and got bad pretty quickly. By the time I had reached 6cm, I was begging for an epidural. The back pain and butt pain I was experiencing with each contraction was terrible. The nurse saw the way I was squirming in pain and said "I wonder if your baby is facing the wrong way...suny-side up...". She checked me and, sure enough, the baby was face up, instead of face down, meaning I was in full fldged back labour.

Finally, 1.5 hours after I first asked for it, the anesthesiologist arrived to give me my epidural. He injected it and we waited for about 10 minutes. I told him that I didn't feel any relief. My legs weren't numb and I was still in lots of pain. He called for the head anesthesiologist to come, and they decided to top me up with some extra drugs. Once they gave me those, I was flying as high as a kite. It was great! The nurse checked me again and said that the baby's head had not yet engaged. I told her "Whatever...I feel amazing!". About an hour later, I started feeling contractions and presure and lots of pain again. I said to the nurse "Something is wrong...I feel pain again!" They used a bag of ice to check my epidural. They placed the ice on my stomach and asked if I felt that. I said "no". The placed it on my legs...still not feeling. They placed the ice on my back, bum and vaginal area...COLD COLD COLD!! I felt everything. "Uh-oh", they said. "It looks like your epidural didn't take on your bottom, back or perineum!". I freaked out! I was having tremendous back labour and there was nothing they could do for me.

The contractions got worse and worse, as one would expect. My doctor arrived and I told her, through my groans and moans, that I wasn't doing well. She ordered more drugs for me, but nothing worked. Absolutely nothing. I felt everything. She checked the baby and confirmed that it was coming out sunny-side up. She told me that these labours were very long and painful. I KNEW THAT!! I COULD TELL!

With each contraction the pain grew worse and I started screaming. Like...literally...screaming. The nurses shut the doors of the birthing room because they didn't want the other women to hear me and get scared. The pain was unbearable. I was begging for a c-section. I was screaming and crying and saying I was going to die. I pushed and pushed for 3 hours until finally, my baby was born!

Mia Hadassah (Hebrew name: Ma'ayan Hadassah) was born at 11:57pm on March 20th, weighing 8lbs, 6 oz. And that's where the real story begins....

Mia had swallowed lots of meconium and wasn't breathing. The doctors cut her cord and whisked her away to do a 'deep suctioning' of her lungs. The did the suctioning and then intubated her. They attached a bag to her tube and began bag breathing for her. Somewhere along the line, they punctured her lung, thereby releasing the meconium and air into her chest cavity and around the tissue of her heart. Mia was a very sick baby. She was taken to the special care unit. I had not even seen my baby.

It took doctors 1.5 hours to stitch me up, then another 1.5 hours to finish the paper work and bathe me (DH helped with that. I couldn't hold myself up from the pain...I was still in excruciating pain after the birth). Then, they informed me of Mia's condition, told me to get some rest and showed me to my room.

I was stunned. This was supposed to be the happiest day of my life, but I felt nothing but saddness. I wasn't happy at all....where was my baby? It was hard to feel love and joy for a person I had never even seen or heard. Nevertheless, I managed to drift off to sleep for a few hours. Suddenly I woke up because of a screaming baby. Thinking it was my own, I darted up in bed, but quickly realized it was someone else's baby. I still hadn't seen my little girl. I began sobbing. The nurse and my husband heard me at the same time and rushed over. I told them i wanted to see her. The nurse said 'OK, I'll take you to the special care unit". She wheeled me through the hospital and, finally, I got to see my little girl. They even let me hold her for a few minutes. I cried my head off the whole time.

The next morning the doctor told me everything that was wrong with Mia. She had a very large infection from the meconium, she had a hole in her lung, and the hole was allowing air to escape into her chest cavity and putting pressure on her tiny heart. Mia was not allowed to nurse (doctor's wanted her stomach empty for at least 48 hours), and she couldn't be held or handled by DH or I either. It was very devastating.

Two days later (on her third day of life), the doctor said she was getting better and I could finally start holding and feeding her. The problem was that I had never been given a breast pump before, and my milk and collostrum had dried up. Nothing was coming out. This was a huge challenge and I was 100% devastated. I had dreamed of nursing my baby, and now I had no milk because no one had told me to pump or given me a pump to use.

I held Mia as often as I could and nursed her with what little I had. She took to the breast VERY eagerly, after all, she hadn't been fed in 2 days.

Anyway, Mia remained in the hospital for a week. By the sheer grace of God, I managed to find ways of staying in the hospital. I begged the nurses for an extra night stay because Mia was in special care, and they allowed it. Then, I begged for another night extra, claiming that I was still trying to establish breastfeeding. Again, they allowed it. After that, I discovered that there was a special room in the hospital for parents of sick children. I booked it...it was available. We got to stay there, and thankfully I didn't have to leave the hospital without Mia. I think that would've killed me.

Once the infection had cleared up and the hole in her lung had healed, they let us take Mia home. She is gorgeous and a doll and we adore her.
The nursing situation is terrible. I've begun a process called "relactation", where I'm trying to get my body to produce milk again, after it dried up. I'm on ALL SORTS of medication and I have to nurse her AND use a breast pump at least 10 times per day. Out of 12 hours that I'm out of bed each day, I estimate that I spend about 9 hours either nursing Mia or using a breast pump. This is a massive commitment, but I really wantto nurse. There are absolutely no guarantees that I will be successful at relactating, but I'm willing to give it a shot. Mia LOVES breastfeeding, even when almost nothing comes out.

Here are some pictures...