We have to suffer....

[augustbaby09]

Ok so me and OH had been together bit over 2 years and has always been an intense relationship.Its very complicated and long but basically to sum it up - he wasn't happy about the pregnancy and punished me by not talking to me for weeks on end.I did not beg and eventually the other week he spoke to me (not so much about baby) but i could tell he was talking to me because he was curious and obviously felt ****** for treating me like this.

Anyways he has a daughter who is almost 8 and a son who is almost 10. The boy is not his biological child though and unfortunantly the child does not know this (but its their problem - they chose to lie). Their mum is well to say the least an absoloute **** . She basically does nothing with her life , has a lovely 3 bed house that his dad is having to sub let to the council for her , she has a good income from where he pays for the kids and has every weekend free - for her to enjoy with her partner and go out get drunk. She doesnt work either so she has an extremly non stressful life to say the least. Apparently she can't have children anymore - although she should be extremly greatful she has 2 healthy children and of each sex - plus a very generous man (my oh) who supports her children emotionally/financially.

She has everything yet is very jelous and she has caused so much trouble for him in the past yet he basically pussyfoots around her to keep things easy.Which ive had so many rows with him about as she basically takes him and his family for mugs and has the kids as a meal ticket and has never met me but is extremly rude about me and has sent insults via the internet.

ANyways he contacted me again so i thought right ok he obviously does want to be there for our child.Then after being all nice and stuff he suddenly txts me friday saying he does not want to tell his kids as it will cause trouble!! I rung him all yesterday and then eventually today ge ta txt saying if their mum knows your having my baby ill lose my kids and im not prepared to do that!!!


Iam sorry ok he may not be worth it etc but how dare my life/my childs future suffer because of HER!!! i know deep down he hates her . Yes she may be an extremly jelous and difficult person but what has it to do with her.To be blunt how dare he be such a weak pathetic man and txt me that! Id said to him all along i did not have this baby to keep him i purely could not have a termination. Ive not asked for money ive been very reasonable considering he blanked me for weeks on end after we'd been in a long term relationship! I mean i could easily go and say to her look yeh iam having his baby and cause so many problems....but im not like that - so why the hell do me and my unborn child have to be punished!! What am i supposed to do say to my child sorry you don't have access to your father and sister/step brother because their mum was jelous. Iam so furious and distgusted!!!

 

[Jkelmum]

MEN eh ? They are useless ....sorry i really dont know what to say but i wanna give him and his ex a slap

 

[HeidiLSparks]

I am so sorry honey. I dont even know what to say. She sounds like a real winner though. You deserve so much better though honey.

 

[babystar]

 

[Bekkiboo]

I am in no way defending his actions but it seems like your OH has been backed into a corner, that woman is using the kids to use him as a pawn and he clearly loves them dearly and that is what she is counting on!

I know someone who is in a similar situation and his ex would give and take away his daughter whenever it suited her and he struggled with it for a long time, women in the position of care for a child/ren can either be as nice as pie about it or as evil as hell, I doubt there's any middle ground and unfortunately, some women will use it as a power trip!

I think your OH is afraid that he will lose his children and I can understand his fear, this woman sounds like she would whip them out from under him in the blink of an eye should he put a foot wrong in her eyes, but again, it has to be the HARDEST thing to try and deal with the possibilty of losing you or losing his children.

I don't think he is deliberately being mean to you, I think he is in a very difficult place right now, a place where no matter what he does, he may very well lose out anyway!

I would recommend sitting OH down and talking about it, no matter what happens he will have to tell his other children about their upcoming sibling at some point and when that happens, I can guarantee that woman will start laying down ultimatums!

A little strong, but if he is that worried about that, perhaps looking into custody, or doing things officially through the court for access, this way the woman cannot legally stop him from seeing his children!

 

[Tsia]

yes i agree... he needs to sit up and grow some balls.. and go down t he legal route. whats in the best intrests of the current children? thats how the courts see it. unfotunately this cannot guarantee he will legally get to see the unbiological one.. and she will ultimately find out why.

But dos must- one day the ex will find out and he will have to face her then.. so sooner rather than later will soften the blow when you are busy with a newborn he is sneaking around to see too!

Have a word.. cos she cant go on dictating his life like this!

 

[augustbaby09]

I am in no way defending his actions but it seems like your OH has been backed into a corner, that woman is using the kids to use him as a pawn and he clearly loves them dearly and that is what she is counting on!

I know someone who is in a similar situation and his ex would give and take away his daughter whenever it suited her and he struggled with it for a long time, women in the position of care for a child/ren can either be as nice as pie about it or as evil as hell, I doubt there's any middle ground and unfortunately, some women will use it as a power trip!

I think your OH is afraid that he will lose his children and I can understand his fear, this woman sounds like she would whip them out from under him in the blink of an eye should he put a foot wrong in her eyes, but again, it has to be the HARDEST thing to try and deal with the possibilty of losing you or losing his children.

I don't think he is deliberately being mean to you, I think he is in a very difficult place right now, a place where no matter what he does, he may very well lose out anyway!

I would recommend sitting OH down and talking about it, no matter what happens he will have to tell his other children about their upcoming sibling at some point and when that happens, I can guarantee that woman will start laying down ultimatums!

A little strong, but if he is that worried about that, perhaps looking into custody, or doing things officially through the court for access, this way the woman cannot legally stop him from seeing his children!

Yeh i can see your point and i can see what he is thinking. It is just so unfair and it seems if anything ive been very reasonable ive not demanded im not made threats and i get punished. I know he thinks she will take them away , however i also know when we went on holiday before she didnt let him see them for 3 weeks 9due to jelousy) . She soon let him when she realised no one else would look after them and her monety ran out. So deep down i know he knows she wouldn't as she wouldn't want them 24/7 and deffinantly would not want to not be getting money from him (as majority she spends on herself).


I do think if he put his foot down in the past he wouldn't be in this stiatuon (as for so long he let her take them all for mugs)and ok its unfortunante the mother of his children is an extremly unreasonable person who just likes a row basically and drama - yet he really ought to sort it out as ive been very nice and patient but i can't be left hanging not knowing where i stand. I mean does he really think he can keep this secret from his son that he is not his dad (there is no shame in not being his biological father) Plus on top of that hide forever that there is a sibling of theres. I mean i shalln't be spiteful and announce anything to anyone but he needs to face up to things.He is a 30 year old man for god sakes.Thank you though very much appreciated and your right with what you said.

 

[augustbaby09]

yes i agree... he needs to sit up and grow some balls.. and go down t he legal route. whats in the best intrests of the current children? thats how the courts see it. unfotunately this cannot guarantee he will legally get to see the unbiological one.. and she will ultimately find out why.

But dos must- one day the ex will find out and he will have to face her then.. so sooner rather than later will soften the blow when you are busy with a newborn he is sneaking around to see too!

Have a word.. cos she cant go on dictating his life like this!

I said to him in a txt do you really think she will take them away from you - she would not cope without you having them and she could not possibly go without the money from him. They are her meal ticket and ive realised that from the things she has said and done before.

Well i understand he may be in a difficult situation but plenty of people do and end of the day they may be her kids but it has nothing to do with her.It doesn't mean he'll love them less or see them less.I already said to him do you really think i want my child to not have anything to do with them.Id help you make sure you see them as much as possible.

Ive said that he says he doesnt want control yet he is letting her control his life and it is not a normal set up.Plenty of other woman don't go nuts if their exes partner has a kid.It isnt like she is lonely and unsupported either.

I missed my scan last week due to a broken down vehicle and my re scan scan is tomorrow at 2:45 which i told him about.He did actually answer the phone to me tonight - i could hear his kids so he couldn't talk much. He did say he is at work at chances are won't be there. Which to me says a lot as he has had 5 days notice and i know he could easily have a day off work or be given less jobs if he requested and be finished by 2pm!. So im just going to keep my cool and not bother - let him sort himself out. Its unfair on me and the baby ive already been in tears because he won't be there.Iam just lucky my mum and I are so close.

 

[NoSpringChick]

It sounds to me like he is just using her as an excuse and it's his desician to not bother with his new (your) baby. She didnt stop him talking to you when he found out - he did that, and what a prat to ''punish'' you for getting pregnant! Was he poinced on against his will and made to not wear a condom?

My adivice for what it's worth -- do yourself and your baby a favour, forget about his ex in this and make sure you get the csa onto him for maintenance.
You can't force a relationship with the children but who knows in the future maybe they will want to get to know their new sister/brother.

 

[amylw1]

awww hun, try not to let it bother you BUT i would make sure the CSA are involved once the baby is born. this isnt to be spiteful but your child is entitled to either contact, support or money at whatever way you have to get it.

 

[LittlePickle]