Wedding abroad with a less that one month old?

[AngelofTroy]

My friend (one of my bridesmaids although I'm not hers thankfully) is getting married in Ireland in early July next year.

I've just realised that even if this baby comes on his or her due date (son was 10 days late) then we'd have a less than 1 month old, travelling on a plane and staying away from home for 2 nights minimum. Is this possible? Can you even get a passport so quickly?

What makes it even more awkward is that our other friend is due in April and is considering dropping out too. She IS a bridesmaid as well. I really want to go to the wedding but it just seems impractical. And if we do go and my friend with the older baby doesn't then we'll sort of show her up by going with a newborn when she says a 3 month old is too hard.

I'm not sure what to do.

So has anyone travelled with a newborn? Was it OK getting a passport?

If we don't go then how should I break the news?

 

[Rainbow82]

If baby is two weeks late then you would be travelling with a less than two week old which might just about be doable but what about if you need a c-section. I definitely wouldn't have managed that two weeks after an emcs. I doubt it would be possible to get a passport at that short notice either which is exactly what I would tell her. Say you'd love to come if baby is on time and you can get a passport in time but you can't guarantee you will be there if baby is late and you understand if she would rather invite someone else instead as you don't want her to be stuck paying for your meals etc if you have to pull out at the last minute.

 

[zorak]

Personally I wouldn't. We were invited to a good friends wedding out of State which would have been when baby was five weeks old. I declined in advance and said I'd get in touch of anything changed. As it happened I had a horrific emcs and my recovery was hell. I then got mastitas at the 4 week point. Just remember that even from a smooth birth you will be healing at that point.

It is however possible to get a passport quickly. We got baby's UK and USA passports very quickly. Being away from family we needed to know we could travel in an emergency. It does cost a lot more though.

 

[MindUtopia]

Oh my gosh, no, I wouldn't want to do that. My daughter had weight gain issues and was still being weighed almost daily for the first month and we didn't get discharged from midwife care until 28 days after. I couldn't even manage to brush my teeth daily at that point, let alone have wanted to travel anywhere. Also, realistically, I would expect you likely couldn't get a passport that quickly and I know some airlines have restrictions on ages of newborns who can fly (these would vary by airline, so depends on who you're flying). I know it took us a week or two to get the appt with the register to register the birth (which you need to do so you can get the long form birth certificate to send off with the passport application) and then the passport itself took about 6 weeks (in the middle of winter). I would think you would really, really be pushing it and that just seems too stressful to me! But I think people do understand. I had several friends who couldn't come to our wedding because of financial or family commitments and that was totally okay (we got married in the UK, but all my friends and family live in the U.S., maybe about 1/3 of them could come, none of my friends with older babies or toddlers came). If your friend is truly a good friend, she wouldn't expect you to hop on a plane the second you've given birth just to attend her wedding. When you have a destination wedding or are getting married away from where most of your friends and family are, you definitely understand that lots of people won't be able to make it. I would relax, take that time to be with my baby, and then do something special with her to celebrate once she returns from her honeymoon and is back home.

 

[AngelofTroy]

Oh my gosh, no, I wouldn't want to do that. My daughter had weight gain issues and was still being weighed almost daily for the first month and we didn't get discharged from midwife care until 28 days after. I couldn't even manage to brush my teeth daily at that point, let alone have wanted to travel anywhere. Also, realistically, I would expect you likely couldn't get a passport that quickly and I know some airlines have restrictions on ages of newborns who can fly (these would vary by airline, so depends on who you're flying). I know it took us a week or two to get the appt with the register to register the birth (which you need to do so you can get the long form birth certificate to send off with the passport application) and then the passport itself took about 6 weeks (in the middle of winter). I would think you would really, really be pushing it and that just seems too stressful to me! But I think people do understand. I had several friends who couldn't come to our wedding because of financial or family commitments and that was totally okay. If your friend is truly a good friend, she wouldn't expect you to hope on a plane the second you've given birth just to attend her wedding. When you have a destination wedding or are getting married away from where most of your friends and family are, you definitely understand that lots of people won't be able to make it. I would relax, take that time to be with my baby, and then do something special with her to celebrate once she returns from her honeymoon and is back home.

This is a good point, we had feeding issues too and I think Micah hadn't regained his birth weight until he was nearly a month old!

 

[londonangel]

I think it sounds like a recipe for stress to be honest and I would not do it. You can get a passport quickly if you go to a passport office but you may still be recovering from birth and if bottle feeding you will have to lug all your sterilising stuff with you plus baby will be exposed to bugs on the plane.

Up to you of course but I cannot imagine anything worse than being sleep-deprived and having to go abroad!

 

[staralfur]

I think I'd be more willing to do something like this with a newborn than a 3-4 month old but that's definitely based on the experiences I had with my LO - we travelled with her when she was 2 weeks old (a four hour car ride) and stayed I think 4 or 5 nights. I actually really enjoyed the trip as I was struggling with being thrown into motherhood with a fussy baby and wanted the opportunity to be out with other people doing "normal" things! We travelled again when she was 3.5 months old and it was a total disaster.

But I think airplane travel is more stressful than just hopping in the car and driving (the lines, security, waiting, delays, etc.), so I'm not sure I'd be up for that with a newborn.

Could you tell your friend your concerns and ask if it's ok to let her know close to the actual date? For our wedding we had to have a rough estimate of guests attending but didn't actually have to put in official numbers for food and such until a few days before. You could maybe then see how you're feeling and decide if you're up for it or not at that point.

 

[Zephram]

There's no way I would do that. Both of my boys were 9 days late and I was still recovering 2-3 weeks later. First was an emcs and second was a vbac with third degree tear. No way in hell I'd have been travelling. Too many logistics too, you might still be working out breastfeeding or bottle feeding or any feeding, baby may still be working it out. Not to mention unvaccinated newborn on a plane! Eek, not for me.

I would pull out, to be honest.

 

[SarahBear]

Hm... It sounds like you want to go but are worried about external factors such as what another mother will think about it and whether or not you can get a passport for the baby. Do babies even need passports? I know going to Canada from the US, Violet just needed her birth certificate when she was under 2. I'm sure it's different in other parts of the world, but it seems a birth certificate may be enough. I'd call and ask about it. As for the other mother, I wouldn't worry about that. Just like you shouldn't be judging her for not going, she shouldn't be judging you for going. I say work out the practicalities of whether or not it can be done (if that's what you want) and don't worry about the other mother... but do defend her if others speak unkindly.

 

[minties]

I don't know how quickly things work in the UK but I don't think either of mine had birth certs by a month old, it took ages!

I didn't even manage to travel to a birthday party 20 minutes away by car when Thomas was 3.5 weeks old, everything went wrong and it was a disaster and we ended up staying home.

 

[Quartz]

Sarahbear is right I think you can travel to Ireland on a birth certificate (just Ireland though I think) but I would double check. I would also check with whoever you are flying with what the procedure is for adding a baby to the flight and whether you can add them to the existing tickets you already have. I also would not worry about your friend each set of parents have different things they can cope with (also a month old is in many ways easier than a 3 month old)

That said I wouldnt you could be just 2 weeks post partum and just finding your feet as a family of 4. The timings of stressing about the birth certificate and getting the baby registered (its by appointment generally now), sorting out the flights etc would overshadow the occasion of bringing Micahs sibling home and changes the focus. For the first month or so personally I think the focus should be on making sure you adapt properly to a family of 4 and not someone elses wedding.

Be truthful about the fact that its impractical with a newborn baby its no ones fault just awkward timing

 

[hel_5]

I'm sure I travelled to the UK (from Ireland) with birth certs for one of mine (I'm English but live in Ireland) have you thought if the ferry? I always do that now when I travel and offen do it just me and the kids.

I suppose it depends on how much you want to be there xx

 

[Snow Owl]

I would be happy with this but I tended to find the first weeks they just slept! (I was very lucky I know!).

Going to a wedding would have been fine

 

[Blu10]

Personally theres no way id travel abroad with a newborn x

 

[Snoopee]

My father got married two weeks after I had DS. I didn't make it and it was only a 45 minute drive away. I ended up having a emcs so was still recovering. But the main reason was I was still getting breastfeeding established and was struggling to feed sitting on the sofa let alone out and about. I also had a LOT of milk so was pretty much always covered in milk. I might have been able to make it had it been a couple of weeks later but even that would have been difficult. I think its impossible to commit to anything when you don't know when the baby is coming or how you're going to be feeling after the birth. If your friend is happy for you to make a decision at the very last minute then great but most people need to know numbers in advance. I'd explain the situation to her and see what she says.