Well I fit in here...

Discussion in 'Pregnancy After A Loss' started by oxSarahxo, Jan 6, 2010.

  1. oxSarahxo

    oxSarahxo Angel Jessie,1M/C, Preg!

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    Ok, So i'm "pregnant after a loss"....

    Neo Natal Death (baby died 7hours old) and a miscarriage.

    I'm finding being pregnant after miscarriage easier to deal with, than being pregnant after actually seeing my baby die after birth. Hope that doesn't offend anyone.

    I sometimes have days where I feel completely fine. other days I really struggle to come to terms.

    I worry that I won't love this baby as much as Jessica (my first, the baby who died).

    Most days I don't feel maternal in the slightest towards the pregnancy, but I wonder if that's me subconsciously detaching myself cuz of the worry it'll happen again.

    My m/c was detected at 7+5 but had happened before then. I'm over that mark now and feel alright. Aside from the morning sickness killing me. I struggle to eat cuz of it now.

    I'm under a Consultant Obsteotrician this time, aswell as a midwife like normal pregnancies, but the midwife cant do anything basically, Consultant says jump and she says 'how high'. I have regular check ups which is good, helps to put my mind at ease. Though I don't get excited for the scans etc like some do, cuz I see it for what it is, it's not 'a chance to see my baby', its 'checking my babys alive and ok'.

    With marrying a Soldier on 1st February 2010, I'll then me under the Army's Medical care, where by I get full private health care, so do any children, and also the best education money can provide. So hopefully if I receive good health care, this baby should be fine.

    Have a house move coming up as well, moving from South Shields (near Newcastle), to Catterick Army Garrison with Shane. And this is all before March it seems, as Shane goes to Afghan in March because he's a Frontline Signaller with the Army.

    I hope baby kicks before he goes, so he at least gets a chance to feel that.

    I'm really worried about him going, but I don't show that to him, I don't want him to worry more than he has to.

    A lot of stress, lots going on, so little time.... Just hope this little baby can hang in there for a little while longer til it all settles down. :baby:
     
  2. clairebear

    clairebear Mummy to 2 handsome boys.

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    Glad to see you back on here again! Wishing you all the luck in the world! x x
     
  3. Aidan's Mummy

    Aidan's Mummy Mummy to Aidan and Oliver

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    Aww hun, I'm sure it must be natural to feel all of those things
    Good luck with this pregnancy sweetie
    xx
     
  4. mizzk

    mizzk =]

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    Good luck with your pregnancy and as the other girls have said it will only be normal to be feeling these things, wish you all the best with your move and your pregnancy xx
     
  5. vickie83

    vickie83 Mama to 2 little ladybugs

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    Wishing you a happy and healthy pregnancy :flower:
     
  6. SugarKisses

    SugarKisses Luv my 3 miracle's

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    Oh Sarah, I often wondered how you were doing. I was Diddydons-but changed my username & im the one that lives just down the road from you in Sunderland. I dont know if you can remember but I lost my daughter too and as you can see im expecting again!
    I know the emotions you will be going through, and I just want you to know im here if you need me for anything.

    I really hope your baby moves for you both before he goes to afghan. :hugs:

    Lots of love x x x
     
  7. Drazic<3

    Drazic<3 You got the love <3

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    Wishing you a happy and healthy pregnancy darling. :hugs:
     
  8. Jem

    Jem Well-Known Member

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    Hi Sarah, so glad to see you on here again. You always have stayed in my thoughts cos of us being pregnant around the same time last time. I wish you all the best with your pregnancy and congratulations on your up and coming wedding! xxx
     
  9. JASMAK

    JASMAK Mom of three

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    Congratulations on your pregnancy. I remember when Jessica died. My heart ached for you. I am sure you will love this child as much as Jessica, and you are not letting her down for doing so. :hug:
     
  10. BrookieG

    BrookieG Mummy to Ollie

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    happy and healthy 9 months hun x
     
  11. Widger

    Widger Mummy at last

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    Congrats on your pregnancy and wishing you all the best xxx
     
  12. JadeyB

    JadeyB Mummy of 2 (1 Angel baby)

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    Hey honey,

    I'm so sorry that you lost little Jessica - life can be such a cruel place at times.

    I know exactly what you mean about not feeling connected to this baby and I definitely think it is our minds subconsiously protecting us from pain. When we take these little ones home that will change I'm sure.

    I also know what you mean about the scans, I don't feel that we enjoy them in the same way as I am just relieved that everything is ok.

    I went for one yesterday and I didn't care that I didn't get a photo. All I cared about was bubs being alive and kicking.

    I hope that everything works out well for you and you manage to relax a little in your pregnancy. xxx
     
  13. oxSarahxo

    oxSarahxo Angel Jessie,1M/C, Preg!

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    Oh I'm glad you said that, and congrats on being pregnant again sweetie! I really hope this is our time to have our healthy babies.

    And yeah I did remember you, often wondered what you were up to these days.

    Thanks for the message, and yeah you'll no doubt hear from me since youre further on than me lol.

    Have you had the mixed emotions that I talked about too? x

    Thanks very much for the message, I'm glad people haven't forgotten about her. x

    Thank you, I hope I do x

    Thanks very much, I hope I can relax a bit too, though with him going to Afghan soon and being away there for the rest of the pregnancy, I'll probably find I['m worried sick all the time. x
     
  14. SugarKisses

    SugarKisses Luv my 3 miracle's

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    Thank you babe. Same to you too :hugs2: Im pleased you still remember me :D
    Like I said, if you ever want to talk or ask me any questions, you know where I am. Is everything going well for you babe?

    Yep, had all the mixed emotions...my heads been all over the place....but im finally starting to relax now, however me and my partner have just split (hes sophie's daddy & we have been together 5 years) but he doesnt want this baby just like he didnt want Sophie....so we agreed that for now its the best thing to split....who knows what will happen. Right now im feeling upset about it which is understandable given our history and past but I am also relieved as I havnt been able to enjoy this pregnancy very much :nope:

    Here if you need me x x x
     
  15. oxSarahxo

    oxSarahxo Angel Jessie,1M/C, Preg!

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    oh im sorry to hear that. it is hard splitting from someone who u went thru that with, i had the same thing with matt, jessicas dad. we're eventually friends now.

    i'll pm u my number and if u ever wanna give me a text feel free.

    im numb right now, just been out and my car broke down so that was less than fun, up to my knees in snow pushin it home. pregnant lady pushing a car LOL. eeeh hey, a laugh a minute around here like. x
     
  16. kristy87

    kristy87 Well-Known Member

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    glad to see you back here hun, congrats on your pregnancy xxxx
     
  17. hayley x

    hayley x 1AngelSon,1EarthDaughter

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    :hugs: congrats on your pregnancy - havent seen you around in a while.

    I remember when you had Jessica, she really touched my heart. :hugs: I had a little boy in March last year and he died from SIDS, I woke one morning to find him lifeless and there was nothing to be done to save him :cry:

    I too am now pregnant and have found it very hard. Cause Alex didnt die during pregnancy I kind of felt bad for worrying about pregnancy so much iykwim? But everyday is a worry, you just want them to make it here safe, but then we know more than others even when they are here, doesnt neccessarily mean they are safe :cry: It really is a rollercoster of emotions, but finally have something positive to focus on and a reason to start living again. I too am under a consultant and have had lots of scans and monitoring.

    I also worry that I wont love this baby like I love Alex, he really is our world, and I feel so guilty for being pregnant again. But after every scan, the relief that shes ok and the amount of worrying, I just know I do and will love her with all my heart, its just hard to imagine having the amount of love I have for Alex for another baby as well.

    Good luck with your wedding, you deserve all the happiness in the world :hugs: xxx
     
  18. Megg33k

    Megg33k Going with the flow!

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    A H&H 9 months to you! I like the cut & dry of how you state everything. You seem like you have your head on straight despite the stress! :hugs:
     
  19. Hoolie

    Hoolie Well-Known Member

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  20. Hoolie

    Hoolie Well-Known Member

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    Congratulations on your pregnancy Sarah.

    I hope all goes well for you.

    Alex
     

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