Well, it happened and I completely froze.

[sunnylove]

A near stranger asked if they could hold baby. He's been home from the hospital now for 6 months and most everyone knows that he was born 3 months premature. The most strangers or acquaintances will do is touch his feet or his hands. Okay, it bothers me when they touch his hands, but whatever. Today, a co-worker of my husband's, who I'm sure I've met before but have absolutely no idea her name or anything like that, put her hands out as if to pick the baby up from sitting on his dad's lap, stopped and then asked if she could hold him. DH kind of said "Uhh..." and then looked at me, and I froze. I was like "Uhhhmmm... sure." I didn't know what to say!! There was no excuse like "Oh that's OK, he's kind of fussy" (I thought I could save that and use it for the future) or anything. I nearly said "Are your hands clean?" but felt that was kind of forward (though, in the end, asking to hold LO was forward since I don't know her).

Urg. It's hard to decline someone in that kind of setting, esp if it's DH's co-worker. "I'm uncomfortable with that" just sounds kind of mean. :\ What do you ladies do?

 

[lau86]

Honestly no one has ever asked me! I think my reaction would be a bit like yours. I would probably be a bit taken aback but my baby wasn't prem so it's not as much of a worry

 

[kirstybumx3]

Rio was 2 months prem. I've always made sure peoples hands are clean but I don't deny people holding him. He was held by sooo many different people in NICU I figure as long as these people are obviously clean and well I'm ok with it. Especially now at his age.

Everyone is different though you should do what you feel comfortable with. If you felt uneasy and your oh knew couldn't he have said no for you in a polite way as he knows her better?

 

[nabo86]

my LG was not prem but when we took her into DHs work a couple of people held her and I had never met them - I didn't mind too much until I realised the second person had just been for a cigarette and stunk of smoke! I made some lame excuse to get LO back and then put her back in the car seat cos I didn't want to risk anyone else holding her...

i might have said something - if you've never really met her then its likely you'll never meet her again... but like you i'd probably have felt too awkward!!

 

[Gem1302]

I've never had anyone ask to pick him up, but 2 women (OHs brothers girlfriends grandma & aunt) that I'd never met before thought nothing of picking him up off of my lap when he was 2 months old. I followed them EVERYWHERE and held his hand while they walked about with him. I wasn't happy so I understand why you wanted an excuse, especially with a premie. After 5 minutes thankfully jenson started crying & I grabbed him. OHs brothers gf did apologise without me saying anything and say it's because they see him as family since he's her daughters only cousin, but I sure as hell didn't see it like that lol.

 

[Louise88]

Everytime I go into my oh's work place he straight away gets James out and just hands him to the staff to have a cuddle, these people I don't know but I don't mind really. Think I'd be different if say some random in the street wanted a hold lol there was also one time when my son was only 2 weeks old I took my dd to playgroup I have to follow her round and watch her and she fell over and cried, she'd obviously hurt herself but I had James in my arms and I had to ask the nearest mum if she'd hold my baby while I gave my dd a cuddle.

 

[Pearls18]

Tbh a stranger has never asked to hold one of the boys, if I knew them (like a co worker or something) I would be happy, only if they were a complete stranger I wouldn't be comfortable with it, in case they run off! Washing hands would never occur to me, when people hold babies they only touch their clothes, but I didn't have a poorly or early baby, I'm guessing hand washing is something that is really important and ingrained in you if you do. But don't feel guilty for how you feel, follow your own instincts.

 

[catty]

Iv personally never had any issue with it. Think everyone thats met LO has held him, even my OH's friends who have never held babies before. HOWEVER my babywas not premature so I think that might make a big difference.
I was in the doctors and lucas was smiling at a lady, she put her arma out as if she wanted to hold him. I just turned away and ignored her. I might have been rude but we were in the doctors waiting room and id never met her before id rather not pass him around there. Not keen on complete strangers touching him I find it strange

 

[babybaker2011]

I actually had this happen to me yesterday. The sales clerk was ringing me up and then put on hand sanitizer and then asked to hold my baby...I was at a loss for words and completely put off, so I just said, "sure..." with half of a smile. My mom was completely wide-eyed and just gave her the oddest look.

The same thing happened with my DD1 as well when she was about 2 months old, I was sitting in a restaurant with a friend and an employee there asked if she could hold her.

I, myself, would never ask a complete stranger if I could hold their child, but to each his or her own I guess.

 

[AP]

Alex was 3 months prem and I didn't have a big issue with it to be honest. I just had to rid myself of the NICU concerns, I told myself they wouldn't have discharged her otherwise. I think there's a difference in the way countries work, I've seen of preemie moms overseas that are tight with even leaving the front door for months. I don't hear so much of that here in the UK, and holding a 3m corrected baby wouldn't be a huge issue here to most. I do have issues with people that refused to listen or give you your child back then you ask though

 

[Shortstuff88]

My son wasn't early but hubby and I were very clear on hand washing before holding him when he was under a month. I had no problem telling people that they'd need to wash their hands first, especially the nieces and nephews. My friends, however, due to the nature of our job (caring for those with learning disabilities) were always the ones who would go wash their hands without me even asking. It's just something that is ingrained in me now from work and even when people have been offended by me asking I can't say I mind because I know I'm doing it for my son. If there is a next time just ask if they mind washing their hands first it's a reasonable request.

 

[Heather.1987]

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[_jellybean_]

I wouldn't really consider that a stranger, iykwim? I'd carry hand sanitizer with you, and politely ask people to sanitize b/c you worry about germs. If you put it on you--like, say that you're a worrier or something like that, they are less likely imo to get embarrassed. I wouldn't think it'd be a big deal if someone asked me to sanitize before I held a baby.

 

[cat_reversing]

I'd do whatever you feel comfortable with. if the issue is cleanliness then carry sanitizer and ask them to use some, if it's not wanting someone you don't know well holding your baby then just say not today or that lo isn't feeling well or something, doesn't matter what they think, it's your child!
I never liked people I don't know or don't know well holding my child, I still don't like strangers touching her hands, I don't know where their hands have been and lo puts her hands in her mouth all the time. I was in a small supermarket once and a staff member asked to hold lo, I was thinking 'er..no' , the woman then asked if lo would go to her so I just said no, she's tired. the woman stopped asking.

 

[Srrme]

I can relate, being the mother of a 28 weeker. I was so paranoid (still am with my newborn, and strangers who I don't know touching him or my toddlers). If I was in your place, I probably would have told her no. I used to carry hand sanitizer around and request any family members who held my baby (or touched him) to sanitize their hands first. I watched my baby for 60 days in the NICU, and I wasn't going to do that again if he happened to catch a cold from someone, etc. so was very cautious.

 

[Cccbb61013]

I'm a germ-a-phob but I still let people hold my baby. I'd probably let a real stranger hold my baby if they wanted to. I see people wanting to hold my baby as a kind gesture so it's not something that freaks me out. I hate when kids hold him though. He is 5 months now. I hardly took him around anyone when he was a newborn though. I was so scared of him getting sick. But he still did. It's hard to keep them safe from everything unfortunately.
Forgive me, but I don't know much about pre-term babies. Is he more at risk if he were to get an illness because he was born early? If so, I'd just tell people that & ask them to wash their hands first.

 

[sunnylove]

The big issue for me is not that he was born premature and I'm not a germaphobe. I just don't like people I don't know holding my baby!! Over Thanksgiving we visited DH's parents and his mom asked to hold LO which I was completely fine with. Like 2 minutes later, one of her friends walked over to us holding him. Um. I gave the baby to DH's mom, not this lady whose name I don't even know! I let her hold him for a little bit, then went over and snatched him right up and said he needed to feed. I don't mind doing something like that because I wasn't even asked if she could hold him. DH's mom just thought it'd be a-ok to pass him off. Nope.

But when people ask? Ugh. There was a co-worker of my FIL who was started touching his hand, waving his toy around and THEN asked "Can I touch him?" My DH kind of joked "Well, you already have." But I just don't know what to say when people point blank ask "Can I hold him?" I was totally lost in that moment. I think next time I'll just say something like "Well our ped doesn't want any non-family members holding him." Which is not really true, but it could be...

 

[_jellybean_]

Not really sure what advice to give. I guess you can just say that you're not comfortable with anyone other than family holding your baby. Just out of curiousity (I thought it was the germs), why does it bother you if it's someone that isn't someone off of the street? I can understand that, and I don't like people to be all over my kids b/c of germs, but...is there a reason? Are you scared of someone running away with lo? Just curious.

 

[Heather.1987]

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[Peggy O]

I used to just say "she may have a slightly compromised immune system" (basically a lie) "and we prefer not to pass her around", then smile like it's totally normal. I am somewhat of a germaphobe and Lily was in the NICU, so I felt no shame about this. I will/would probably be way more relaxed about it if and when we get a next time with a second child though. Looking back I feel I was a little paranoid, BUT I don't regret what I said at all. It would have completely freaked me out at the time.

Edit
PS ~ If you find yourself in a situation like that again, and have time to plan a little, a wrap usually keeps people at a decent distance We used a mei tai carrier at family parties and places I thought people I am not close with may have asked to hold her.