What actually is Attachment Parenting?

[freddie]

I keep seeing the term "attachment parenting" used but never really knew what it meant and presumed it was some sort of extreme parenting style, as when they've got a name they normally are lol! Have googled it a bit but to me it just sounds like the normal way to look after a baby?? What does it actually mean? Is it just parenting without set routines out of a book, ie everything is baby-led? Or is there more to it than that? From what I've read it sounds like how I look after LO - am I an "attachement parent" lol?!

 

[Staceysparkle]

AP is responsive parenting above all else but common traits in AP mothers are breastfeeding, co-sleeping, natural birth and babywearing but there is no set of rules that says you have to do all of these things to be an AP parent. I didn't manage to breastfeed sadly, didn't co-sleep from the start, have a natural birth or babywear but I still think of myself as an AP parent as I have always responded to my son's needs, never left him to CIO or "train" him in any way. You do get some "extremists" that will say you have to tick all the AP boxes to class yourself as one but to me its about your attitude.

 

[aliss]

Have googled it a bit but to me it just sounds like the normal way to look after a baby??

You're right, that's all it is.

Attachment parenting is just having a bond with your child and those bonds are encouraged by certain practices (ie. breastfeeding, babywearing, cosleeping) but those practices are not essential. You can be an AP parent without breastfeeding, without babywearing, using a crib. For women who do NOT have a bond (ie. like I did with my first, severe postnatal depression) then you can use those methods to help create a bond We did this with babywearing. It helped me learn to love him by keeping him close, rather than leave him to cry and ignore him (he cried 24/7).

Attachment parenting is a rejection of the "spoiling" attitude towards babies that developed in the last century.

Attachment parenting is what women have done for millions of years, with the exception of a brief sad blip in human history. You'd think this stuff was common sense but it's not anymore with so much of that spoiling crap going on (and it still exists, even from other mothers here!!!).

 

[tokyo]

I've just been reading a bit about 'attachment parenting' from Dr Sears (here). Here Dr Sears sets out the 7 baby Bs (bonding, breastfeeding, babywearing, bedding close to baby, believing in the value of baby's cry, beware of baby trainers and balance). It does go on to say that not all of these are neccessary, you can be an AP with only some of these, as it's all about approach not a strict set of rules.

I agree though, if you didn't parent like this how would you parent? I've never actually read anything by Dr Sears before today and I've never labelled myself as 'AP' but according to this article I am! How do non-AP parents parent then? :/

 

[aliss]

I've just been reading a bit about 'attachment parenting' from Dr Sears (here). Here Dr Sears sets out the 7 baby Bs (bonding, breastfeeding, babywearing, bedding close to baby, believing in the value of baby's cry, beware of baby trainers and balance). It does go on to say that not all of these are neccessary, you can be an AP with only some of these, as it's all about approach not a strict set of rules.

I agree though, if you didn't parent like this how would you parent? I've never actually read anything by Dr Sears before today and I've never labelled myself as 'AP' but according to this article I am! How do non-AP parents parent then? :/

"Detachment" parenting, in the sense that they leave young babies to just cry it out (to 'teach them' to not be 'clingy') or smack them for doing things like dropping food (if you are ready to vomit, you can google "The Pearls"). Baby "trainers" like Ezzo's Babywise, etc. they call it "Parent-Led" methods but it's pretty scary stuff. It's quite popular, but there are not very many fans of it here on BnB. But you'll find them in real life everywhere.

I had a very sick clingy crying little baby the first time around, I was told by a doctor at 4 months to "toughen up" and leave him to cry so he'd "sort out his issues". Turns out he had severe acid reflux disease and was crying because his throat was burning. Can you imagine if I just shut the door and called it a night? I had PND and was becoming resentful of him - by starting to babywear, I was able to at least start to form a bond with him. Other 'recommended' methods would have led to further lack of bonding.

AP methods can help women wtih PND & no bond to bond with their babies rather than continue the resentment. That's why I am so passionate about it, because I was not one of those natural instinctive mothers. I had to learn it, and AP methods helped me. I am scared to think what kind of person I had been (and what kind of child Alex would have been) if we had learned to further distance each toerh.

 

[GreyGirl]

I like those B's...I do as many as I can. I wasn't able to BF past 7 weeks and we don't bed share-but she sleeps right next to be with a side sleeper. I don't leave her to cry and I baby wear as much as possible. I agree it's about attitude and not just a tick list. I found baby wearing is helping continue to bond after a rough start.

 

[tokyo]

I've just been reading a bit about 'attachment parenting' from Dr Sears (here). Here Dr Sears sets out the 7 baby Bs (bonding, breastfeeding, babywearing, bedding close to baby, believing in the value of baby's cry, beware of baby trainers and balance). It does go on to say that not all of these are neccessary, you can be an AP with only some of these, as it's all about approach not a strict set of rules.

I agree though, if you didn't parent like this how would you parent? I've never actually read anything by Dr Sears before today and I've never labelled myself as 'AP' but according to this article I am! How do non-AP parents parent then? :/

"Detachment" parenting, in the sense that they leave young babies to just cry it out (to 'teach them' to not be 'clingy') or smack them for doing things like dropping food (if you are ready to vomit, you can google "The Pearls"). Baby "trainers" like Ezzo's Babywise, etc. they call it "Parent-Led" methods but it's pretty scary stuff. It's quite popular, but there are not very many fans of it here on BnB. But you'll find them in real life everywhere.

I had a very sick clingy crying little baby the first time around, I was told by a doctor at 4 months to "toughen up" and leave him to cry so he'd "sort out his issues". Turns out he had severe acid reflux disease and was crying because his throat was burning. Can you imagine if I just shut the door and called it a night? I had PND and was becoming resentful of him - by starting to babywear, I was able to at least start to form a bond with him. Other 'recommended' methods would have led to further lack of bonding.

AP methods can help women wtih PND & no bond to bond with their babies rather than continue the resentment. That's why I am so passionate about it, because I was not one of those natural instinctive mothers. I had to learn it, and AP methods helped me. I am scared to think what kind of person I had been (and what kind of child Alex would have been) if we had learned to further distance each toerh.

Thanks for this - I suppose lots of modern parents are 'detachment parents' but to me that's not even really parenting! Sad really that we have 'evolved' to think that this is how babies and children should be raised. For me it's all about trying to put myself in my baby's place and respond to her how I would want to be responded to. I'm a naturally empathetic person so this is pretty much how I approach all relationships (with my OH, friends etc) so to me it's nothing new. I do think western culture has messed up child rearing (as well as LOTS of other things!) big time and we have a lot to learn from more traditional cultures.

 

[DancingSheba]

i just googled the pearls and did almost vomit lol. i didnt even know this parenting existed. BTW im from the US and wouldnt consider parenting any other way than AP. it truly is natural parenting because it feels so natural to do

 

[Feronia]

i just googled the pearls and did almost vomit lol. i didnt even know this parenting existed. BTW im from the US and wouldnt consider parenting any other way than AP. it truly is natural parenting because it feels so natural to do

Oh my gosh, I just googled them as well and went into the infant section. The top article is "Too young to spank?" I think if you have to ask, the answer is YES!

(Note that I don't condone spanking at any age. )

 

[freddie]

I know how awful, I'd never heard of them before and googled but had to stop reading!! I agree that there seems to have been some weird sort of "evolution" in our society where people seem to believe babies need to be "trained". It is sad. Well I'm glad to consider myself am attachment parent now that I know what it means... It's the only sort of parent there should be if you ask me!

 

[barefootnpreg]

I googled Ezzo's Babywise and it made me sad Its been linked with failure to thrive and malnutrition

My friend and I were talking about this shortly after I had my baby....its weird that attachment parenting is even a "thing," like some trendy new parenting style...when really, its as old as the human race.

 

[DancingSheba]

i agree they should just call it old school parenting lol

 

[Toms Mummy]

Wow! I've just read about the pearls! That's awful the stuff on their website, I read about how to train a child to sit still by timing them and 'making it fun!'.... yeah for who!! I also read an awful article of a parent's experience with the ezzo method, how heartbreaking...

I too wondered how other parenting techniques differed form ap, thinking that ap is normal but how sheltered I am to more common practices!

 

[Aimee4311]

Wow, I just read about the Pearl method. It's horrifying and so sad! People are so willing to accept the word of "experts" that they reject the ability to think for themselves! So sad.

I've realized I am an attachment parent. I also just feel that I'm going with my instincts and am doing what feels right. I bed share, I'm breastfeeding, babywearing, and respond as quickly as I can to her cries.

I reject the notion that I'm spoiling her, and think its ridiculous. She trusts me to take care of her every need. If that's spoiling her, then so be it!

 

[LegoHouse]

I think I do a lot of AP. I never leave my son for more than 20 minutes and if I do it's with daddy. I breastfeed, baby wear, co-sleep, don't let him cry. I think it is just, as I read a moment a go, disbelieving the notion that babies can be spoilt or try to manipulate anybody.