What age gap is better and why, 2 years or 3 years?

[jessicasmum]

Hi not sure where to put this so posting it here and also in the preschool/toddler section.

As the title says really, what age do you think is better between your children 2 years gap or 3 years gap?

I already have 3 children; DD1 12 years, DD2 turning 3 years next month and DS nearly 8 months. We are thinking of maybe having a 4th and final child either start TTC February 2018 or February 2019, so will either have around a 2 year gap or 3 year gap between the 4th and DS. I know we already have a 2 year gap between DD2 and DS and some might be wondering why am i asking this question when i have this gap but the thing is DD2 has autism and obviously i know to some extent what it's like with this gap of 2 years but it is somewhat different with her different needs compared to a NT child.
My concern if we go for the 2 year gap that we will probably end up with 3 children in nappies at the same time because DS will only just be around 2 depending how quick we conceive and DD2 will probably be still be in nappies because she's non verbal at the moment so can't really communicate her needs. But on the other hand having a 2 year gap we will get the baby stages over quicker and hopefully #4 and DS will have a close relationship, also it will then be quicker then for us then focus on a career for myself. 3 year gap would be good for that hopefully DS would be out of nappies and that hopefully he'll be able to understand about the baby.
Just looking for a bit of advice from people's experiences and opinions on having a 2 and 3 year gap.
Thank you in advance

 

[MindUtopia]

I think it depends so much on your family's needs and finances really. We will have a 5 year age gap and that I think will be just about perfect for us. I also would have been happy with 4.5 years (and in fact, I was pregnant but had a mc and we would have had a 4.5 year age gap with that baby), but I wouldn't have actively tried for any less. For us, I wanted my daughter starting school before we had another baby. We couldn't have afforded her preschool without me working and I wanted to use my maternity leave to be around as much as possible during her first year of school. She's also at an age where she can actually help with concrete tasks and will tolerate having to be patient if baby needs something. For us personally, since about 3, we've also been able to just have a bit of our normal lives back. We've been able to have some date nights, to have the rare night away (it's very rare, but even a few have made a big difference), we've gotten to sleep well for about 18 months as she STTN, and we've had a break from the stage when they really need you all the time, so I think we feel recharged and energized. I might have been ready after 3 years (with the exception of needing to work for her to stay in preschool), but definitely not at 2. For us, we're only having two though, so I felt no need to rush and I wanted to enjoy the time we had alone with her before we had our last baby as it feels a bit bittersweet already that we're experiencing so many 'lasts' even while I'm pregnant.

 

[SoldierWife]

We wanted our kids closer together in age. That way they're going to be doing a lot of the same things while growing up. My two sons are 2 years apart (3 and 1) and I have one on the way that'll be two years younger when this baby is born. We love having them close in age, diapers are a little crazy as we have had them both in diapers most of the time but in my opinion it was totally worth it. My kids have such a good relationship

 

[jessicasmum]

Thank you both for replying

We originally before having my first child thought we would of had 2 children with a 5 year gap but my health made us be back and forth of ever having any more after my first child because had such a hard time after having her. I do still wonder what it would of been like for DD1 if she would of had a sibling when she was 5 rather than the massive gap of 9 and 11 year gaps with her siblings now.

It does sound like getting over the first part of having the 2 year gap is really tough but I'd so love when over that that DS and #4 would have a close bond.

 

[love.peace]

I have almost 2 years between my youngest two and really love it. We only had 2 in nappies however I found as I was changing one anyway it was only one more. Pros of having a bigger age gap though would be that the older child would understand more and get less jealous (possibly?) and also it would be easier for sleep etc. We are hoping to ttc in February so would have 3 years between the youngest two. So perhaps ask then and I may have a different answer lol