What am I suppose to do? =(

[Bingo]

Thank you guys. The reason Ryan is in jail is because he raped me multiple times while we were dating, and now I'm pregnant with his daughter.

It seems like he's changed but I don't know. I guess when the time comes I'll know the answer....right?

My honest answer would be no and you shouldn't be seeing him either. He is in prison because he raped you, you should not have any contact with him. I don't think you should allow him any kind of contact with your daughter, including photographs.

I'm so sorry you had to experience such an awful thing and hope you are getting lots of support.

 

[mammym]

I'm so sorry to hear what you have been through, you have done amazingly well going to see him and hopefully that will be closure for you, it would be a great place to end all contact and consentrate on you, your baby and your own future, he's made his mistakes and he needs to live with the consequences and if that means losing his daughter then so be it, even then its not enough punishment. You will know what to do when she gets here, trust your instincts as only you know what to do for the best. Good luck with your future and with Baby Aurora. xx

 

[Baby France]

I'm sorry you had such a terrible and traumatic experience.

My honest opinion is that you are a victim and for your own mental well-being you should have absolutely nothing to do with this man. When he raped you, he forfeited his parental right's and I'm sure that any sane person would say that you should stay the hell away from him. I am very surprised that you went to see him in prison but I understand that some victim's get closure from confronting their attacker. Are you receiving any counselling for your trauma you have suffered? I think that if possible you should discuss this situation with a professional. I honestly don't believe that men who are prosecuted for sexual crimes are rehabilitated that easily. It is great that he apologised to you but don't forget that he probably did so as part of his own therapy, which is designed to help him rather than you. I hope that you are receiving lot's of support from your family and friend's and that you have a very happy life with your little girl x

well said...I don't think he's thought about you when trying to contact you. IMO to contact you whilst heavily pregnant with his daughter after everything he's put you through only tells me that he's not once thought about the stress and strain he's putting on you asking to go and visit him.

Put yourself on the opposite side...would you ask the victim of your attacks to visit you while in such a 'delicate' state? I don't think so because I doubt you're that type of person to do something so horrific in the first place but then to contact you too. I know pregnancy isn't an illness but your wellbeing should be number one priority, yet he wants to put what he wants first i.e. apologise and request to see his daughter. Selfish springs to mind!

Good luck x

 

[Audball2108]

Thank you guys! I do now think that it was a mistake to see Ryan, but I at the time was thinking he should have to right...now I know he doesnt deserve shit from me!

 

[Mrs Liamxxs]

I had no idead your situation was so bad when i first commented on your thread but after seeing your comment of what you went through in slight more detail, i changed my opinion from 'just trust your instincts' to ' stay the hell away', most of them say they have changed and show you what you want to see so that they can gain your confidence and win you round, but deep down inside...they never change hunni, forget all about him (easier said than done, i know) and concentrate on your little girl, i wouldnt even send him any pictures hunni, he really doesnt deserve anything from you at all. keep your chin up and head held high, we ae all here for you should you need any of us xx

 

[taylor197878]

just want to say i would run and run i wouldnt trust him round ur daughter,

i wish u all the best

 

[Audball2108]

Thanks! You guys are so amazing...what would I do without you all??

 

[MrsNovBaby]

I am sure that you will make the right decision xx

 

[DottyLottie]

Thank you guys. The reason Ryan is in jail is because he raped me multiple times while we were dating, and now I'm pregnant with his daughter.

It seems like he's changed but I don't know. I guess when the time comes I'll know the answer....right?

I agree with the others, trust your instincts.
However, what he has done to you is pretty horrific, and I think you have to consider what you or your daughter would gain from being a part of his life.
It sounds to me like all the pro's are for him and not many for yourself or your daughter, but again, really only you can judge.

I cut the biological father of my two eldest children out of our lives, he was violent towards me, and even though he showed remorse (and certainly never went to prison) and is for the most part a nice guy, I decided he was not the best influence on my children, and that they stood to learn little or gain much from him being around, so I felt it was fairer to them to keep him away. I don't feel they have missed our or suffered as a result, they have rarely asked about him and expressed no desire to have him in their life. I felt guilty for depriving him, but his needs do not come before my childrens, soin the end, he lost, not them....
I realise my situation is different to yours, but I just wanted to share my thoughts.

Ultimately, only you can make the decision and know what is right for your child.

 

[chocolate]

It sounds like you have already made your decision - I also agree that once your girl is in your arms, you will just want to protect her from everything and anything and that there is no way on earth you will want him to have anything to do with her.

I would also think about it from your daughters perspective - when she grows up she may wonder why you put her at risk by allowing him access - even if he turned out to be a great dad and changed his ways, I think she would still question the 'what if he did it to me' etc.

Sorry you went through such a horrid time, but Im sure you will realise your daughter is that light at the end of the tunnel