What caused you more trouble?

Discussion in 'Teen Pregnancy' started by nadupoi, Apr 13, 2009.

  1. nadupoi

    nadupoi Well-Known Member

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    So I'm curious. To all of those teens that are or have been pregnant:

    Outside of the baby itself, what aspect of your life changed the most and was hard to deal with? (You don't have to answer any of the questions, they're just examples)

    Such as finances due to paying doctor bills, birthing, baby clothes, diapers, furniture, etc. Did you live with your parents or on your own? Did you have a job before, or money saved? Did OH help? Did you have government assistance? Did it help?

    What about your family? Sometimes family doesnt react well, sometimes they're wonderful. Did they kick you out? Take you in and bring you to doctor appointments? Etc...

    School must be difficult too. My older sister got pregnant right before her last year in highschool and they had a tutor come to our house everyday to help her finish and do what work she needed to do. But she never went on to college or such. Did anybody drop out of school? Did you plan to go to college (university) and didn't get to? Did the school help you and offer a tutor or helpful services like they did with my sister?

    Other things such as friends, relationship with OH, what about yourself? Did it change you??

    What was the toughest situation for you to handle after you became pregnant?
     
  2. CallieBert

    CallieBert Mummy to Braden

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    The hardest thing for me, was relising that some of my ''friends'' weren't true friends, as they no longer want anything to do with me. I have my 'Best friends' who have stuck by me, but they are the ones i know i can count on

    The family, have been surprisingly good about it. I didn't tell my Mum i was pregnant, she relised when i began to show, and she was really suportive. My dad is getting there, and my little sister is so excited to be an ''aunt''. She keeps saying ''Whens baby coming so I can play its mummy''

    School is difficult. I mean, the girls are okay, but the boys are nasty pieces of work. I get alot of abuse from them, but i just need to look beyond that and know that at the end of the day? I'll be the one with a beautiful son, not them. I am going to University next year, lucky my gran is willing to look after the baby during my studies, which is so kind of her.

    Financially we go well, Luckily I come from a wealthy background, My parents have been great financially and are openly willing to get me and the baby our first home when we're ready to move out. In that way, I am exteremely lucky, i know.

    The toughest case to handle was deffinatley my peers in school, more so the boys. My school is a private school, and theres never been a teenage pregnancy in there (its a pretty new school but still) So i was very worried about that, but I've now relised, my son means more to me than what people think.
     
  3. nadupoi

    nadupoi Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for your reply. I'm sure you're gonna make a great mom.
     
  4. CallieBert

    CallieBert Mummy to Braden

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    Thank, you. I hope so.
     
  5. AppleBlossom

    AppleBlossom Guest

    Hardest things:

    Little/no social life
    Money worries
    Missing certain opportunities
    Relationship with OH changed dramatically, he did sod all baby-wise and then left
    I don't feel like myself anymore
    Your friends leaving you behind
     
  6. daniandbaby

    daniandbaby Pregnant-expecting

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    I live in england so doctors fees are free for my baby untill hes 16 or working.

    I had a job before, no money saved... Wasn't entitled to maternity pay as wasn't working long enough, Im currently recieving no funds as I'm waiting on income support claims, However i don't want to be claiming too long, I want to go back to work but I also don'twant to leave my baby with a child minder too soon. My OH helps alot!!!! Luckily he has a good paying job.

    My family are really supportive allthough It has been me that has got everything for my baby. I have started putting odd 5 pounds n tenners aside so when bubas born and i know what nappies, formula (if i can't breastfeed) I can buy a big batch so I am not scrimping and saving!!

    Not at school when I fell pregnant so can't comment on that.. I find that with my friends alot of them don't have much time for u as u can't go out like u would of before u was pregnancy... But I can.. I just don't have to drink.. I have true friends who have been supportive and funny enough they have young kids them selfs.

    I can quite honestly say being pregnant has made me more mature in so many diffrent ways!!!
     
  7. LilMama2be

    LilMama2be Mommy to a Princess

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    I graduated early, so I've been home all the time since January.
    None of my friends call me anymore.
    but its all worth it.

    My parents took it very badly at first, but everything has gotten way better.
     
  8. nadupoi

    nadupoi Well-Known Member

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    thank you ladies!
     
  9. babystar

    babystar Guest

    Not a teen now I know...but when I had my 1st I was... granted I had left school so I didnt have the issues of dealing with other school kids and their opinions....

    However I was mentally immature for my age. I found it hard to give up my social life to start with and resented it somewhat. But then I realised the ppl who were hanging out with me at the time couldnt care less and stopped calling etc stopped coming round or inviting me out so I found I wasnt going out anymore. No one came round they were all interested in partying etc etc etc. That made me grow up big time.

    My mother was ok with the pregnancy. I had been with my ppartner 3 yrs (we r still together now). My father did not take it well. He is very very old fashioned. I was unmarried, had no job, left school too young no qualifications. No drive in life but go out get drunk and/or high (at the time...I stopped nce I found out I was preggers)

    Having my daughter changed my life tho. It made me grow up. She was the best thing to have happened to me. As is my 2nd daughter. And as will this nxt baby be

    :hugs:
     
  10. KJunkie

    KJunkie Guest

    The hardest thing for me so far is just being pregnant, and the fact that I am going to be a mother soon enough. It seems so far away, yet I know its close. I just can't seem to get over all the scary things that pop up in my mind. Like what if I do not know what to do AT ALL? What if my child is born with a life threatening disease? Or what if my child is born with a physical disability beyong repair? Will I be able to provide the proper things they will need in order to have a somewhat regular life?

    My friends have babies already, or two atleast. So, I know that they will be supportive and there for me when possible. I am in college right now, but plan on staying in school no matter what; I hope! My OH has been great so far, but another human being is completely unpredictable in most cases. I trust him and love him; but if he chooses to back out at some point than I can't truly stop him. (I do not for one second believe this will happen though!) (Just me worrying ..lol.)
     
  11. MoonMuffin

    MoonMuffin Mom of 2!

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    The hardest part is how lonely it is. Ya your friends say that they are happy for you since your happy and all, and then they don't show up to your baby shower (after they rsvp yes) and then you never hear from them again. I got pg during my first year in college, so I lost all my high school friends cause they went off to college, and I lost all the friends I made at college. Only one person still calls, facebooks and sees me. No one has common interest anymore and now they don't even bother to give me a "what's up?" on facebook. A few people do, but none of the people I considered my best friends. Also the finances are really tough. We thive with my husbands mom and she drives me crazy! We have to live paycheck to paycheck and this area is sooo expensive so we can't even get an apartment. That's what's putting the most stress on me atm.
     
  12. tasha41

    tasha41 Mum & Dad + 1

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    Outside of the baby itself, what aspect of your life changed the most and was hard to deal with? (You don't have to answer any of the questions, they're just examples)

    Finances.. things haven't been too bad for me. I've always had a reliable (part-time) job, and my boyfriend works full-time... I'm waiting for my maternity benefits (paid through the government but not government assistance?) to come in.. but nothing yet.. so I'm on a limited budget right now because I don't know how long my money has to last me until I hear about my mat pay.

    We had lots of help buying the baby stuff from our relatives, and got lots of lightly used baby items from friends and family also. We bought loads of diapers ahead of time when I was pregnant and they were on sale for half price (Huggies and Pampers) and that's helped. Formula, we buy a case of 12 cans of the concentrate and it usually lasts about 10 days, Elyse is a pokey eater compared to a lot of other babies.

    I live with my parents and the baby, my boyfriend lives at his parents' house.. he pays like $200 rent to his parents, which is nothing really.. so our living expenses are very low.. which helps A LOT, we're trying to save up for a house!

    Obviously, my parents didn't kick me out, lol.. they didn't even yell at me when I told them (though they weren't happy either).. my dad was a total asshole to me during my pregnancy. He'd say awful things to me, he wanted me to have an abortion, etc. but he LOVES Elyse, which surprised me a bit. He even visited me in the hospital everyday when she was born and when I had to go back in because of an infection! And he drove me to some of my doctor's appointments too when he was off work. Talk about a confusing relationship!! lol.. my mom was great; always 100% supportive and even excited. Spoils Elyse. My sister (17) loves Elyse too, always bugs me to babysit, she's a total baby hog at home too, takes her off me as soon as she comes home from school, plays with Elyse for a bit so I can wash up at night or so I can catch a TV show, etc.

    I was in college already. Did the first semester of the year then left. I'm not returning to that program, I'm going to do distance ed (online courses) instead so I can work on that while I'm on maternity leave and be at home with Elyse at the same time. I saw the nurse at my school and she gave me a helpful book (that I've used a lot- it's the Baby and Child Care Encyclopaedia by Parents Canada)... gave me phone numbers for various programs, etc. The only thing that is negative about school is that I have less flexibility now.. I can't take another 4 years, I need to get a job and start paying bills and stuff.. so while I WANT to take a 2 or 4 year nursing program, I can't right now. Well, I could, but it'd be really hard for a long time.. and I don't think it's fair to Elyse that I take out student loans and stuff (my RESP won't cover a 4 year program now that I've dipped into it to do half my accounting program..) and I found courses that are good enough, pay well, in the same field, etc.

    Friends.. it certainly changes things! Can't go out paryting and drinking when you're pregnant, can't stay out late really lol, etc.. the crowd I was in was all about the party and I can honestly say that while I didn't "lose" a lot of friends, we've totally drifted apart and things will never be the same. I made friends with other people that have kids that I knew before but wasn't close with, they've been AMAZING, it's refreshing that they can relate to me; I can't really relate to teenagers without kids or adults with kids if you know what I mean.

    My boyfriend and I - our relationship was really strengthened by it all. It's been hard since Elyse was born.. we don't live together and he doesn't get over everyday (works 12 hour days, too tired- I understand but I'm exhausted too, and I don't get the option.. so it's sort of unfair in a way)..

    And it has definitely changed me.. I still don't feel like myself. I feel sick, tired, cranky. I want a home for my family (boyfriend, Elyse & I), and it's frustrating that it's not there.. I'm gonna sound whiney but I'm pretty much a single parent.. I'm mom 24 hours/day, my boyfriend is only around 2-3 hours per night if at all.. and Elyse usually sleeps through the majority of his visit.. so I really am doing most of it on my own. After a long stressful, tiring day, if he can't make it over.. I'm shit out of luck.. and even worse, when I'm upset or stressed out, I don't have someone to hold me and comfort me at night or someone that does nice things for me.

    Like I have my family & they help out & I'm grateful for it, but it's not the same! AND I feel guilty accepting their help.. I don't feel guilty asking my boyfriend to change his daughter because I need a break etc.

    It was tough telling my parents.. but it's harder being a new mother! I had a c-section and my recovery is going very slowly.. this is definitely the hardest thing to deal with so far of my entire life. ALSO I thought I was really mature and that I grew up a lot over the course of my pregnancy.. but I'm now a mom and I realize that I have a lot more growing up to do and while I knew I couldn't be 100% ready I had no idea how much you sort of learn as you go. It's scary, frustrating, and exhausting at times.. but I can't describe what I feel when that baby is calm, happy, and looking me right in the eyes & I know I've done my job:)
     
  13. tasha41

    tasha41 Mum & Dad + 1

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    ^ Agree with what she said about friends 100%... lonely is a perfect description... and I'm afraid that my friends won't show up at the baby shower even though they said they're coming! :(
     
  14. nikky0907

    nikky0907 Well-Known Member

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    To tell you the truth not that much changed for me but nothing is the same...It's confusing I know. :lol:

    Before getting pregnant I was in my 1st year of college(university) and I continued to go, except since Lola was born I'm doing it from home (on my 2nd year now). It's hard to take full time care of a baby and at the same time write papers etc.
    Of course my expenses massively increased and very little goes to me, everything goes for Lola. I do have a job but am currently on maternity leave still. But I manage just fine with money (don't get help from the government).
    Live alone, not with my parents so I pay my mortgage, bills, gas, expenses, insurance etc.
    Not alot of money went on doctors, some of it was covered by my insurance, some I had to pay.

    What really affected me was not having my freedom anymore, not being able to enjoy in those teeny luxuries I did before and going out carefree.

    Basicly my whole life changed alot from the basis.
     
  15. nadupoi

    nadupoi Well-Known Member

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    Thank you ladies so much for your insight on all the tough stuff. You really are great people and I'm sure you're wonderful mothers!
     

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