What do you think about getting married right after high school in my situation?

[Laschai]

We would be getting married on our 4 year anniversary (we started dating when I was a freshman), I'll be 18, he'll be 19.

We've been talking about getting married seriously since we had been dating maybe 5 months. He first mentioned it a little over 2 weeks after we started dating...

I really love him and I know he loves me (seriously, you should see how he looks at me... it makes me want to cry happy tears... ok sometimes I actually do...)

My mom thinks we shouldn't get married until I'm at least 24, her general rule is 25, so she's bending by saying 24...

I'm not very religious but I do think marriage is sacred... I know it shouldn't be rushed into, and we've talked a lot about what we plan to do for college and jobs. We haven't decided which colleges to go to, but there are a lot of state colleges in my state, so we have options.

We're thinking we'll each have part-time jobs in college, and he'll work full-time while I'm in medical school. Then we'll have kids during my medical residency (we both want kids, a LOT) and of course once I finish, residency is 4 years, not forever.

I know the divorce rate is high amongst young marriages... I just really want to stand in front of my friends and family and say how much I love him... I get teary-eyed when I read sample vows sometimes....

I just really think we have a good chance...

We haven't started planning a wedding yet, so it's not a "having doubts" situation.

Opinions?

 

[LoveCakes]

Me and oh got together when we were 17&18 and married at 24. This was right for us as personally leaving school and going to university changed our relationship. We've been together so long we've grown up together but your early 20s are a time that you can change a lot and make important decisions. School is like a bubble and leaving home and having responsibilities changes your perceptions.

My advice is to wait a few years. Get engaged to confirm how committed you are but don't rush in to everything.

 

[Baby Bell]

Hmmm that's a difficult one. I have a few friends who when at school were in long term relationships, been together for years and who thought they would be together forever, then they grew up, life got in the way, being responsible and getting 'real' jobs got in the way. They all ended up breaking up before they were 20/21 and don't even speak to their exs any more now they are 30!

BUT my mum n dad met when my mum was 17, engaged at 18 and married at 19, over 30 years later and they are still going strong.
Only you and your oh can know how you feel about each other. But I would get engaged to show each other your commitment then get married in a few years......once you've been through all these 'life changing events' like uni and jobs and independence.

 

[hopeandpray]

I don't think it's a great idea. There are so many people that at that age think that they've met "the one" and it just doesn't work out for most people. I'm a medical student a year away from graduation. Medical school is tough and it changes you. So many relationships have broken up since people graduated from school. There are really only a few people still together.

I hope that it does last and that you grow together. The worst case scenario if you wait until 24/5 is that you get married on your 10 year anniversary and know how much you've grown together and been through together. The worst case scenario if you get married too young is that you end up driving each other apart as you go through a major transition in both of your lives.

At the end of the day it's your choice. I am speaking as someone who had been with her boyfriend for 3 years when I started medical school. He wanted to propose to me. I'm very glad we didn't get married. I'm now hoping to get married maybe a year after I graduate.

 

[smileyfaces]

I think you should wait. I think your age shows from the way you have written your post and believe me at your age I thought I would be with my boyfriend forever (we discussed kids and marriage and I couldnt ever imagine my life without him). We split during university when we were about 20? I agree with a pp, get engaged but dont rush into marriage, there really is no rush.

 

[Kiki1993]

I say do what makes you happy! Me and OH were in a similar situation, me and OH started dating at 15, got serious quick and are planning to just elope in dec 2016 or a proper wedding sept 2016 depending on money! We will be 23 and 24 at that point, I am back in college too and we are desperate for kids!
Remember it isn't about your families wants, it's what you want and it's not like you just met you have been together 4 years. Hope this helps!

 

[prettybirdy27]

The fact that you're questioning it and asking for opinions tells me it's probably not the right time. I know it's a bummer to wait but I think that would really be in your best interest. A few other PPs have mentioned that you change in college, and you really do. You will not come out of college as the same person you were when you went in.

I know anecdotal evidence isn't the best, but I know a couple that started dating when they were both 15. They were the strongest couple I knew, but once they got into college, things started to fall apart as they both met new people and learned new things about themselves. Finally, after 7 years where they were planning to marry each other, they broke up, and it was very very messy. It took everyone by surprise because we all knew they were destined to be together forever, but once they got into college, they grew apart completely.

I'm not saying you should or shouldn't get married based on the experiences of other people. But please consider waiting, because college is a game changer.

 

[lozzy21]

Wait! The person you are at 16/17 isn't the person you are at 20 let alone 25. Things change, people change, people grow up and grow into different people.
It's not as simple as you love each other. I thought I loved my boyfriend at 15 and it ended, badly. I met my now husband when I was 18 and he was 19. We have been together for 9 years and were married with a daughter. It's totally different to the relationship I had when I was in school.

 

[Kiki1993]

I do understand those telling you to wait, it wouldn't hurt your relationship to wait for marriage, you could do it after college and nothing would be different if you marry now or then.
But it is no ones decision but yours, if you love him, see yourself together as elderly folk, if you think you will handle college life as a married couple etc .. you are obviously questioning the pros and cons to both decisions, maybe write a list, if family support/a nice wedding/TTC is important once your married maybe wait until after college. I will find it hard to wait once married so do you think you could cope for 4 years while at college? I mean we were going to wait a year after marriage to try, I shortened it to the honeymoon night Longer maybe but only if I don't qualify for SMP
I hope this helps in some way, sometimes I wish someone can take the wheel and make my decisions ha.

 

[MrsHudson]

I have to say wait too! DH and I met when he was 24 and I was 18. We were together 6.5 years before he proposed and married just this year. Yes we stuck together that whole time but we have grown so much since then and definitely are not the same people we were then. It worked out for us but had we got married back then (and I did pressure him) I think we wouldn't have lasted. Some people may disagree but I say move in together first. That will show you if you really can make it work and then you can work on getting married. Living together changes everything and if it doesn't work out, then you can leave.

I wish you luck!

 

[Smile181c]

MY OH and I first got together when I was 15 and he was 16. We moved intogether when I was 18 and him 19, then we got pregnant at 20/21 (planned), and then married 2 years later (I was 22/ DH 23) and we're a year into our marriage and still going strong. We'd have been together 8 years in February.

We've been through a TON of crap and we've gotten through all of it BUT we haven't had the added stress of university and possibly being apart etc so I can't say how our relationship would look like now if that had been in our past. I think ultimately the decision is yours and your OH's. I can understand wanting other's views on the situation but really it's no ones business. If you've sat down together, and this is what you want then go for it

 

[Laschai]

Unfortunately my mother has told me that she won't pay for my college education if I get married before I finish college, so I can't get married when I want to. I'm now looking at dates for after I've graduated college. Sigh.

 

[Kiki1993]

MY OH and I first got together when I was 15 and he was 16. We moved intogether when I was 18 and him 19, then we got pregnant at 20/21 (planned), and then married 2 years later (I was 22/ DH 23) and we're a year into our marriage and still going strong. We'd have been together 8 years in February.

We've been through a TON of crap and we've gotten through all of it BUT we haven't had the added stress of university and possibly being apart etc so I can't say how our relationship would look like now if that had been in our past. I think ultimately the decision is yours and your OH's. I can understand wanting other's views on the situation but really it's no ones business. If you've sat down together, and this is what you want then go for it

Aw I remember you! We were waiting together when I first came to Baby and bump! We had the same original TTC date but you put yours forward I think and I put mines back!

 

[Kiki1993]

Unfortunately my mother has told me that she won't pay for my college education if I get married before I finish college, so I can't get married when I want to. I'm now looking at dates for after I've graduated college. Sigh.

She is just trying to protect you, remember that you can get married after college and it wont affect your relationship waiting a bit longer