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- Nov 28, 2012
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As you can probably guess by the title, I've just been told my first child is a girl.
"Girl" is almost like a bad word to me. It brings to mind all the frilly pink and glittery things I hated so much as a child. The dolls I was afraid of (with their freaky lifeless eyes). Barbie, who I could never identify with in her pink mansion with her pink convertible. The mean girls in school who made fun of me and ostracized me for not liking any of these things, and being more interested in dinosaurs, dirt, and catching frogs and lizards. My wardrobe consists almost exclusively of jeans and t-shirts. I have no real fashion sense, and I don't care to. I don't have to be able to walk in 5 inch heels to kick tail at video games.
From the time I was little, I always dreamed of having a son one day. Or multiple sons! Someone I could share all these things with and not feel judged. We TTC for almost 3 years with two losses, and I was SO EXCITED when we finally got pregnant and made it into the second trimester. I felt so strongly baby was the boy I had always dreamed of. Treated myself to a 12 week private scan (my doctor's office refuses to do NT scans), and baby was going crazy like a little ninja! Jumped spread eagle, and we got the shot. Everyone swore they could see boy parts. I knew it was 12 weeks, and they're all supposed to look the same at that point. But part of me said that they didn't usually get shots like that, either. My entire family was convinced it was a boy, and I was so happy. They were disappointed. My parents only have one granddaughter out of all their grandchildren, and she's 15.
So imagine my surprise at my 16 week gender scan when that pickle had disappeared, and all we saw were three little lines and the tech typing "IT'S A GIRL!!!" on the frame.
The first words out of my mouth were, "At least my mom will be happy!" I'm kind of ashamed of that now.
Now, I know there are tons of girls in this world that aren't girly-girls. Clearly, because I am/was one. But when you walk into a baby store, all you see in the girl's section is pink pink pink. And if it's not pink, it's got frills or lace on it. Barf.
The way I see it, I only have two futures at this point:
A tomboy like me who gets mercilessly tortured by her female peers for her entire childhood like I did for not fitting in with the status-quo. OR, a girly-girl who loves all of these things, who I will be totally and completely unable to relate to.
I feel like I can handle the first option. I lived it. I can relate to it. I can help with that. I can help her understand she doesn't need the approval of these vain girls to be the most amazing little warrior she can be.
But the second option scares the hell out of me. It's like... What if I end up living with my own worst childhood enemy? I'm truly afraid I won't be able to be a good mother to a girly-girl.
Any advice?
"Girl" is almost like a bad word to me. It brings to mind all the frilly pink and glittery things I hated so much as a child. The dolls I was afraid of (with their freaky lifeless eyes). Barbie, who I could never identify with in her pink mansion with her pink convertible. The mean girls in school who made fun of me and ostracized me for not liking any of these things, and being more interested in dinosaurs, dirt, and catching frogs and lizards. My wardrobe consists almost exclusively of jeans and t-shirts. I have no real fashion sense, and I don't care to. I don't have to be able to walk in 5 inch heels to kick tail at video games.
From the time I was little, I always dreamed of having a son one day. Or multiple sons! Someone I could share all these things with and not feel judged. We TTC for almost 3 years with two losses, and I was SO EXCITED when we finally got pregnant and made it into the second trimester. I felt so strongly baby was the boy I had always dreamed of. Treated myself to a 12 week private scan (my doctor's office refuses to do NT scans), and baby was going crazy like a little ninja! Jumped spread eagle, and we got the shot. Everyone swore they could see boy parts. I knew it was 12 weeks, and they're all supposed to look the same at that point. But part of me said that they didn't usually get shots like that, either. My entire family was convinced it was a boy, and I was so happy. They were disappointed. My parents only have one granddaughter out of all their grandchildren, and she's 15.
So imagine my surprise at my 16 week gender scan when that pickle had disappeared, and all we saw were three little lines and the tech typing "IT'S A GIRL!!!" on the frame.
The first words out of my mouth were, "At least my mom will be happy!" I'm kind of ashamed of that now.
Now, I know there are tons of girls in this world that aren't girly-girls. Clearly, because I am/was one. But when you walk into a baby store, all you see in the girl's section is pink pink pink. And if it's not pink, it's got frills or lace on it. Barf.
The way I see it, I only have two futures at this point:
A tomboy like me who gets mercilessly tortured by her female peers for her entire childhood like I did for not fitting in with the status-quo. OR, a girly-girl who loves all of these things, who I will be totally and completely unable to relate to.
I feel like I can handle the first option. I lived it. I can relate to it. I can help with that. I can help her understand she doesn't need the approval of these vain girls to be the most amazing little warrior she can be.
But the second option scares the hell out of me. It's like... What if I end up living with my own worst childhood enemy? I'm truly afraid I won't be able to be a good mother to a girly-girl.
Any advice?