What is happening to our relationship? :-(

[stacie-leigh]

Up until now I thought Mark and me were invisable, nothing could make us unhappy because we are in love.

Like I said that was up until now. Don't get me wrong, I am still very much in love with Mark. But I am convinced that the feeling isn't mutual and it is starting to cause problems. I can't make my mind up whether I am just paranoid or he really doesn't love me anymore He has 2 children with another woman and keeps bare minimum contact with her to discuss when we are having the children etc.... But I think he would rather be back with her and his girls than with me and the baby How can I tell if I am just being paranoid or not? When I ask him whether he is unhappy he says of course not, but he always tells me what I want to hear, that is just him.

Earlier on the phone we got talking about people splitting up (something completely different about somebody we know) and he said that people don't leave for no reason if they have been unhappy for years, he said that for one person to leave there has to be a pull (somebody else) so I said well what about your ex, she left you and you say that you wasn't happy for years, he then said well she was texting her boss all the time. I then went on to ask whether he was upset that she left? And he said well you know I was, I was speaking to you. I replied that I didn't know, so he said I was upset because the girls were taken from me. So I said, but was that the only reason? I didn't get a reply until I asked it again later on in the phone call to which he replied yes. Which I don't believe.
So how can I believe that he really loves me when she left him and he was upset?

Sorry for complaining on here, I just needed to tell somebody x

 

[reiller]

Hi hun,


Didnt wanna read and run. I honestly woudlnt worry about it. He sound slike he was just upset that he had to leave his children
How long have you been a couple ? Have you talked about marraige etc? I understand that you may feel a little uneasy , I felt like that too but I can honestly say that was my hormones going crazy

As for "So I said, but was that the only reason? I didn't get a reply until I asked it again later on in the phone call to which he replied yes."
He could have been busy and didint get a chance to reply ?
Hope you get it sorted?
Maybe it down and have a proper chat with him

 

[vicky84]

I think its natural if he had two kids with her that there would be upset when they split - doesnt mean he doesnt love you though of course!

 

[stacie-leigh]

I know you are probably right. We've been a couple for just under 2 years and we have talked about marriage many times, usually just jokingly when my mum says we should get married and Mark says she doesn't want to marry me and I wink at him and agree At the minute I feel like my hormones are all over the place, I feel fat and ugly and don't want to keep taking it out on Mark I know everything will be great with us again, but I feel so rubbish at the minute and I am making him feel the same....

 

[mumtobeplus1]

Aww hunni, im sure its just all the hormones and adjusting to the thought of
you being a family, rather than just the 2 of you.

I think if he was wishing he was back with his ex and his girls, he would be
having alot more contact with her than just to arrange when he has the girls.

Maybe he just misses his girls and perhaps also has worries that the same thing
could happen all over again (ie: hes worried you could leave with your baby)
And its making him insecure?

I think you should just keep talking, tell him how you feel, tell him your not meaning
to hassle him or upset him, but you need the reassurance as you are feeling a bit
vulnerable at the moment. x

 

[stacie-leigh]

Thank you I know that everything you are saying is right. These hormones seem to be playing havoc with my mind. I know that he hates his ex, I see it all the time. I just feel fat, ugly and just not nice at all and it is making us miserable. Hopefully these hormones will settle down soon Thank you again, you ladies have said to me exactly what he has said

 

[2016]

If it's any consolation, I feel the same. Everything I wear makes me feel fat and ugly - I hate the colour and cut and it makes me feel sweaty and stinky! I get cross with myself for being leaky and disgusting and for the fact that every little thing puts me out of breath. Got my hair cut at the weekend and normally that is guarenteed to make me feel good but I HATED IT. For the first time in 5 years with the same hairdresser the cut just looks ugly on my fat head!
I keep thinking that my hubby isn't interested in me and is looking at other people. I get cross with him for the littlest things and just feel like he is being horrible and not supporting me at all...

From the situation you described it just sounds like your OH was feeling normal sadness when a relationship breaks up. Even if a relationship is horrible it is sad when it ends - particularly when kids are involved. Heck I cried for weeks when I split up with my ex and he was a violent posessive man I now know I was lucky to be rid of!

Just hang in there and soon you will have your own bundle which will intensify that special bond with your OH you had in the first place.

 

[tink28]

im paranoid over everything atm hun so im sure part of it is hormones, and like u say most of us do feel unattractive during pregnancy, i know i do and that doesnt help. im sure u are worrying for nothing and all will be fine, i bet things will feel even better for u when bubs is here and u are a little family

 

[miamix]

Post deleted

 

[kell]

Hun when I split with my ex I was upset because I did love him once and I was sad to lose such a big part of my life. BUT then I met my present OH and I fell in love with him, and now I have no feeling towards my ex. He is the father to my eldest 3 children but that is it. We all have a past babe, and most of us have loved before but that doesn't mean we are still in love with the ex. You OH probably doesn't want to say "yes, i was upset she left" because its the past and most people don't feel it right to discuss certain things with their OH. I'm sure you are letting hormones rule your head hun, I've been there too. I'm sure Mark is stil madly in love with you xxx

 

[FlatShoes]

I think its natural if he had two kids with her that there would be upset when they split - doesnt mean he doesnt love you though of course!

I agree!!

I was DEVESTATED when my ex left me yet now I am totally over it and completely happy with my new partner.

 

[blinkybaby]

I think the breakdown of a relationship hurts regardless of the circumstances if there was love there once, even if it is not there anymore. Just the whole idea of it is upsetting. He may have been hurt by her actions at the end of the relationship, but that doesn't mean he doesn't love you! Pregnancy hormones and just generally feeling frumpy and run down are so common and I often feel like you do - honestly from your post though I really don't think you have anything to worry about. xx

 

[Angel_dust]

I agree, he was bound to be upset when the relationship ended but he has moved on now. Is hard when you feel so insecure and hormaonal though

I've been convince my OH doesnt love me any more, our sex life has dwindled to him not seeming all that bothered and i take that as being because im all dumpy . My skins oily and my hairs crappy and all my clothes look frumpy.

I know deep down its just me being pregnant and hormonal and men dont always understand.

 

[lulu35]

so weird, but thats like reading about my own relationship, even my OH name is Mark!!...massive hugs to you sorry its not much in the way of advice x

 

[mommy2baby2]

Pregnancy hormones! They work wonders and try not to let them get to you!

I think he does love you and IS happy with you but at one point he loved his ex very much. So much that he had two children with her. No matter what happened between them, they will always have a love for each other, even if it's just because they are their children's parent. Just as you will always have love for him because he's the father of your child.

I'm sure he WAS upset that they split. Most people are, even if they are the cause of the breakup. At one point there was still that love/emotion there and regardless of how it ended, or who ended it, the emotions were still there. (this applies to people who have been in serious, committed relationships, none of that 2 month "love" BS).

An ex is an ex for a reason and he is now with you and obviously loves you very much and I'm sure he wouldn't change that for anything. I'm sure he "loves" her but is not "In Love" with her anymore as he is In Love with YOU.

But as with anything, if you are concerned, sit down and talk to him, it sounds like you two have pretty decent communication (even if you think he just tells you what you want to hear), ask him to be completely honest with you.

 

[Love3Hope4]

Hey sweetie....honest to goodness I think this has so much to do with hormones and the insecurities of the pregnancy. I don't feel so much like my husband doesn't love me but there are days that I can't stand him. But I KNOW that's not my heart, that's my hormones. These babies are worth the world to us but these pregnancies can do a real number on our hearts and minds. I'm sure Mark loves you just the same as he always has. My husband often tells me "I know this isn't you. This is my pregnant Krissy. And I love her, too, but I can't wait to hang out with the non pregnant Krissy again." And I know exactly what he means. If these thoughts and emotions get to bad, talk to your Dr. I have already been talking with mine and she has the meds ready for when I ask. You may never need them but you deserve to be happy during this time. Big hugs and try not to worry!!

And let me add that when my first marriage ended 2yrs ago, my heart was destroyed. I am madly in love with my husband now and he knows it. But he also knows that the ending of the first marriage took a piece of my heart that will always be broken. When you trust someone and you have a family together, to watch that person so carelessly destroy it and walk away, it is something that a small piece of you may never over come. I have no feelings towards my ex. I don't even hate him anymore. But when I think of what he did and how he ended our 12yr marriage, I still cry from anger and hurt. Again, Mark loves you. I bet your a lucky girl to have him.

 

[Nessicle]

aww it is hard hun - I went through something similar where I felt very insecure and paranoid that OH didnt love me any more or that he was thinking about ex's etc. It's natural to have all these anxieties and fears when pregnant cos we feel pretty vulnerable xx

 

[stacie-leigh]

Thank you for all your kind words ladies. I'm not feeling as emotion as I did yesterday but I do still feel very insecure. I am sure that Mark does love me very much like he tells me, but sometimes I do wonder why when I am so horrible to him at the moment His ex is a complete nightmare and has been desperate for them to get back together for months and has been trying to use the children to get that. Sometimes I guess it just all gets on top of me, but the main thing is that we are still very much in love and having a beautiful baby girl I am also going to try and believe all the lovely things Mark says to me, he is my world and I hope he knows it x

 

[Nessicle]

Just hormones hun - I'm a complete cow to my OH (called Mark too!) and have been for months, he's still here and we've only been together a year lol x

 

[stacie-leigh]

At least we have an excuse x