What is the perfect age gap?

[christina1612]

Hi ladies

my lb is now 17 months and we are thinking of trying for baby no 2 soon, but a few of my friends have this age gap and they've told me of jealousy, difficulty with their toddlers dealing with it etc. I've also heard good and bad things of waiting until my lb is ready for school. Can anyone share their experiences with me please?

 

[MumToEva]

Short answer - there is no perfect age gap! There are pros and cons to any age gap, so it's just what suits your family.

17 month age gap here, so no point giving you opinions on that if your LO is already 17 months, but my SIL had a 3 year age gap and it seemed to go ok - a bit of jealousy, but no more than my age gap. Depends on your older child's personality I think. Though at that age my niece definitely had more understanding that mummy was busy feeding baby etc than mine did at 17 months - that did tug at my heart strings at times!

 

[Bambino123]

I'm hoping 3 years! I'm due in one month when my first born turns 3. He had a complete personality change from 2 years 4 months to 2 years 10 months. My lovely little boy turned into an absolute terror. I actually don't think he spoke for 6 months, he either screamed or shouted. I was wondering how on earth I would cope with a baby too. Thankfully a month ago my lovely little boy returned, so I'm touching every bit of wood that I can find hoping that his lovely personality is back for good. Every child is different though

 

[Pearls18]

You will be told over and over but there is no perfect gap. You can't predict how much children will get on or if they will be jealous,it's down to their personality.

We went for 3 years because that's what suited our lifestyle, I wanted to go back to work, I didn't want 2 in nappies etc but I felt it was close enough for them to be playmates as it's the gap my brother and I have. DS2 is 3 months and DS1 has been fantastic, not an ounce of jealousy, he helps, he empathises, and he already tries to play with him lol. But DS is a very secure, independent child, he has always taken things in his stride I didn't expect any less from him lol. I'm more concerned about when Ds2 is older and sharing toys lol, that he may not be so good at! Tbh if we had of had a smaller gap with him I think he would have been the same.

I think you have to look at what ago works for you in terms of when is best of you to have a baby physically, financially etc, and you will work with whatever gap you have.

 

[lovelylaura]

It's just what works for your family. I have to agree that if they are jealous they would be at any age. Freya will be, its just her. If i waited 5 years still still wouldn't be happy. Poppy though loves all the excitement of it and i didn't have a problem when freya was born and she really excited for this baby to be here. You just have to work out what you can cope with and afford if you work.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

no jealousy with either of my age gaps (22mths first gap and 7yrs second) but both have pros and cons.

 

[Quartz]

i agree its about what works for you as a family. For us taking into account factors such as moving house, childcare (my mum and dad look after them while I work 2 days and I wanted DD in school when I went back), maternity leave etc and for us it was around 3 1/2 year mark.

For us its perfect, DD was old enough to be secure and absolutely adores her baby brother and loves him to bits. But with school (and when he was born preschool) always has time away from him and he does away from her so he can do the activities etc that she did.

That said its a lot about making sure you handle it well (whatever age). I know I have been very lucky in that I have my parents to help so I could make sure that I still give DD some one to one attention (over the holidays for example I have booked in a couple of just her and me activities for us to do) and in the evenings I work with OH to ensure both get some one to one time and family time.

Now at 5 and nearly 18 months it is easier with two as they play together but DD is clearly the one in charge!

Having said all that from friends it does appear that under 2 years or 3-4 years is easier than the 2-3 year as the 2-3 year stage can be quite a tricky one!

 

[Iveneverseen]

Theres 2years 9months between my first and second. and theres 5years 4months between my second and third.

For me much easier and enjoyable having the bigger gap. my daughters are 7 & 10 and my son is 2 at the end of may the dote on their little brother and help out and play with him.

plus they are pretty independent so can do a lot for themselves.

We are going try try for our 4th and last later next year, so by time baby would be born our youngest will be 4. other two 9 and 12

I love a bigger gap. I think toddlers still require a lot of help and still need a lot of attention and stuff done for them weathers older children not as much.

but everyone is different.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

if I had to choose id do big gap over small gap

 

[christina1612]

Thanks everyone. Sounds like a bigger age gap will be better, as we would have to move to a bigger place first, and financially we will probably be better. Plus my lb will be more independent, i wont have two in nappies and ill have time to rest with baby when he's at school and have time with him when baby naps x

 

[Iveneverseen]

My youngest is 22months and there are people with kids that age and babies. I personally couldn't do it, I don't think it would be fair on a child of that age to have another they still heavily rely on you and are still babies really. they still need a lot of attention and stuff done for them which you cant do as much if you have a baby too.

plus I go through hellish pregnancies and births ect so it would rather him be a wee bit older. x