what is your opinion on this?

[rjb]

so, i am having a HUGE first birthday party for Adelaide.
something like 60 people kinda huge.
obviously, i have to invite sam and his family..
his family has not been allowed to see her lately as a few months ago they were threatening me and calling me horrible names and saying i was a bad mother and wishing bad things on both me and adelaide, and my parent caught wind of this and blocked every last one of them and forbid me from going down there. (i can't drive anyway)
so anyway, they have not been allowed to see her.
however, his family is stirring up a lot of shit because i won't let them have a seperate birthday party for Adelaide.
personally, i'm completely against it because their reasoning is "we don't want to be in the same room as your family, it will make us uncomfortable" which, sorry, but i think it's utter fucking bullshit. i mean, tough luck, it's my kid's birthday party and it isn't about you. i couldn't care less if they are comfortable.
secondly, i don't want to raise adelaide in a "seperated" family. i think it is stupid. she is not going to grow up think oh, this family loves me more becaus of this. or, this family loves me more because that.
so i told them no.
sam says that i'm restricting his right as a father, which i also think is utter bullshit.
MY family isn't having a seperate party for her!
his family was invited to her party, even though i honestly don't want them there, they ruin everything. but i do not think i should have to allow them a seperate party?

 

[hot tea]

The more parties the better for your daughter. That will not hurt her.

 

[amygwen]

I think you're being totally mature about the situation especially if Sam's family has been like that to you. I can see why you would want to have a party with both families because when she's older especially, it will be SO awkward if she has two separate parties with the different families. And you're right, it's not about them, it's not about your family, or even you and Sam, it's about Adelaide and what is best for her. It's good she's so young that she doesn't have to deal with the drama between his family but at the same time, at least it gives you a bit of time to figure things out with them so it is better in the future. Either way, I don't think you're wrong for not wanting two parties. It would be weird

 

[Mei190]

hmm.. tricky situation and I understand your reasoning.
I guess if you were comfortable with them having a seperate one she wouldn't really realise/remember at this point as she is so young.
I personally would have just the one party, they are invited and that's it. If they don't turn up it's Adelaide they are punishing.
I wouldn't know what to do either, didn't want to R&R

 

[Desi's_lost]

They arent adult enough to be civil and come? that just speaks to their character. My grandfather was divorced twice, remarried 3 times so there is strong dislike between some of my grandmothers but thats never stopped them ALL from coming to the grandchildrens birthdays. Because they are adults and conduct themselves as such.

You are not wrong for telling them no. they dont sound like the best lot to be around her anyway.

 

[xx~Lor~xx]

Difficult situation, but I'd probably just tell them to suck it up and be grown ups about it. It's not like they have to sit and make nicey nicey with your family all cooped in one small room!!! They can spread about and not even need to speak to each other, just be there for your LOs birthday!

 

[rjb]

Difficult situation, but I'd probably just tell them to suck it up and be grown ups about it. It's not like they have to sit and make nicey nicey with your family all cooped in one small room!!! They can spread about and not even need to speak to each other, just be there for your LOs birthday!

just to add to this point, this party is going to be held at this huge gymnasium/jumparoo place. extra emphasis on the HUGE part.
the families won't even have to be near each other (if they don't want to, which they won't.)

 

[rainbows_x]

I think if Sam's family don't want to bite their tongue and come for the sake of Adelaide then it's their loss! Also wishing bad things abut Adelaide is uncalled for, screw them.

 

[rjb]

The more parties the better for your daughter. That will not hurt her.

the issue here is that i DEFINITELY do think they could do her harm. they have wished terrible things on her, as well as threatening me.

 

[Rhio92]

You're not in the wrong, they sound well immature! x

 

[AirForceWife7]

This is YOUR daughter's party, not theirs! They sound like they just wanna stir-up drama for attention. I say invite them .. if they don't come .. that's tough shit on them & they missed a great day they could've spent with their grand-daughter. My mom had a seperate baby shower for me because she "didn't get along" with OH's side of the family. I let her have that but I made it well perfectly clear that there will be ONE birthday party when she turns one. Made her straighten up realllll quick. You need to put your foot down & keep it down x

 

[Char.due.jan]

With the fact they have wished things on her and due to the fact you would probably feel uncomfortable at a party with Sam's family on your own, then I think you are being completely reasonable. If they can't be matured for the sake of your baby then it's their loss.

 

[~RedLily~]

I think you're being very reasonable

 

[xforuiholdonx]

Sam and his parents are both awful sweety. Your being very mature about this. I recommend not letting them have their seperate party. There is no need for it, andbits not like she knows them anyway. If I were you I would have blocked Sam, and everyone a LONG time ago.

 

[M.e.j.b02-17]

i wouldnt even invite them..

 

[Ablaski17]

Ah Becca I was in a similar situation. Molly's christening Joes parents said they were uncomfortable because our families don't get along unfortunately. But they were told either come or not their choice. And his parents and mine were told keep their mouths shut and not start any problems and if they did they were going to be asked to leave and not be welcomed back to any affairs for my kids if they couldn't respect my wishes. I think your doing the right thing.

 

[airbear]

My parens never got along after they got divorced so we always had two birthdays and two Christmases. I was use to it and it always was nice having two parties. However now that I've grown up and heard that a lot of divorced families only have one birthday party and both families came I thought that was great because they were doing it for the birthday kid! I wish my parents did more things together for my sister and I rather than having them hate each other and to hear them talk badly about each other. It just seems immature to me that they cannot come. This party has absolutely nothing to do with them and all about Adelaide. They're just being disrespectful and selfish.

 

[holly2234]

Its really awkward with my family too. Nobody came to my wedding because my dad and mum wont get along. Its more my mum who just refuses to be around him. My grandma (mums side) refused to even go if my dad was going. In the end, nobody came. Its quite sad that they would rather miss that then be in each others company.
I know its going to be the same for Erins birthdays. I will likely do something separate because if they are together they will just be glaring at each other and i wont know where to put myself! I dont want Erin thinking its her fault people cant be happy at her party either so in my situation i think its best separate.

Since you have a big hall though, they need to suck it up and just go! If they dont, it shows what kind of people they are.

 

[kittycat18]

Tell them to stick it where the sun doesn't shine

 

[sarah0108]

I understand the situation because i have been in a similar one.

However, for me i don't mind that they will be having separate birthdays and Christmases etc.