What now?

[Novbaby08]

So my babys dad, as most of you know has in short put me through hell. Recently he got in touch with a mutual friend of ours and said this to her on myspace. I don't know what to think about it, he hasn't contacted me, but I feel so confused. I really want Harley to have her dad in her life and be happy, but I cant help but feel betrayed still after all he put me through.:


guess wat ive cleaned up
im soo happy
now all i need to do is become a father
i know its a big step but i have to be a man about it and help raise a baby girl!!! im soo happy
i just hope she will let me be in her life you know wat i mean???!!! well i hope your doing great.., ill ttyl k bye and please be safe

 

[polo_princess]

How comes he has said all of this to someone else but not you?

 

[XKatX]

As PP says - it's what he says to you that counts. If he has the strength and balls to come you and sya it - then fair enough.

 

[ryder]

I dont know what happened before, but if he has truly changed then he should definately be contacting you and telling you these things. And he needs to prove it to you too I think!

 

[Novbaby08]

yeah I know. Don't worry I couldn't get my hopes up anymore then a 90 year old man could get an erection. He destroyed my hopes long ago. Like I said this guy put me through hell. And I'm surprised because he was asking this person monthly about me, but she wasn't suppose to tell him anymore, because I told her that if he didn't have the balls to ask me himself he didn't deserve to know. I don't know. But I'm not so trusting that I would allow him into her life readily with open arms. She thinks I should approach him, because he's scared to approach me, well too bad, he wants to be a man he can do that himself. I chased after him so much in the beginning of my pregnancy, I was told off, cussed out, and just treated horribly. I'm not so willing to approach him myself.; Thats his job now. if he is truly sincere and has every intention of changing and stuff, he needs to prove it. And what I told my friend was despite him saying that, unless he comes around and proves himself before she's born she's still getting my last name, and he will not be on the birth certificate. Children are not something that one decides to be part of then decides they don't this isn't something he can say yeah I want to be part of then change his mind down the road. Children are forever. So yes I'm suspicious, on my guard, in disbelief. He betrayed me before he could do it again. I'm not excited about him saying that. He said that Oct.9th its the 23rd. if he wants to be there where is he now? Being there for her starts with being there for me.

 

[SpecialGift89]

yeah I know. Don't worry I couldn't get my hopes up anymore then a 90 year old man could get an erection. He destroyed my hopes long ago. Like I said this guy put me through hell. And I'm surprised because he was asking this person monthly about me, but she wasn't suppose to tell him anymore, because I told her that if he didn't have the balls to ask me himself he didn't deserve to know. I don't know. But I'm not so trusting that I would allow him into her life readily with open arms. She thinks I should approach him, because he's scared to approach me, well too bad, he wants to be a man he can do that himself. I chased after him so much in the beginning of my pregnancy, I was told off, cussed out, and just treated horribly. I'm not so willing to approach him myself.; Thats his job now. if he is truly sincere and has every intention of changing and stuff, he needs to prove it. And what I told my friend was despite him saying that, unless he comes around and proves himself before she's born she's still getting my last name, and he will not be on the birth certificate. Children are not something that one decides to be part of then decides they don't this isn't something he can say yeah I want to be part of then change his mind down the road. Children are forever. So yes I'm suspicious, on my guard, in disbelief. He betrayed me before he could do it again. I'm not excited about him saying that. He said that Oct.9th its the 23rd. if he wants to be there where is he now? Being there for her starts with being there for me.

I completely agree with everything you said here as I'm in the same situation kinda sounds spooky actually. I think actions speak louder than words and he has said these very nice things but wheres the proof to back it up. Don't run after him I'm sure he knows where you are if he wanted to get in contact with you. Stay strong and you'll be a brilliant single mother, look how far you've come so far. x

 

[ryder]

Totally agree with you hun! If he is to be there for the baby, he should be there for you...

Does he want to get back with you? Or just be friends so that he can see your baby?

 

[ANGYPANGY]

i would wait until he talked to you then take it one day at a time. good luck

 

[WelshGirl]

He goes on about needing to be a real man to bring a little girl up......well, sorry if this sounds harsh, but if he was a real man, he wouldn't be too scared to tell you all the stuff he's told this other person!!!!

You shouldn't have to do the running around here - let him come to you, he needs to put the work in to show that he is serious about it.

xxx

 

[Angelmouse]

Sounds to me honey as if he knew your friend would tell you. He's trying to get you to go to him; he is, in short, a manipulative little scrote!

As you have deduced for yourself, he isn't making any moves towards behaving like an adult and talking to you personally and you should therefore be completely annoyed that he is making the assumption that once baby arrives then he's just going to pop on his daddy cap and 'be there for her'.

I would do a deal with him if he ever does attempt to talk to you; 'Fine, you pay Child maintainance then you can be part of her life!' If not then he can just do one and you'll say no more about it.

I'm glad you're being strong about this honey and remembering all the crappy things hes done to you. Use it! Be angry but let it keep you strong too.

 

[Novbaby08]

Well i doubt he told her in hopes she would tell me, and I don't buy it any of it so far. He would have to prove himself, he said that over 2 weeks ago. If he meant it then where the hell is he?! I'm not getting my hopes up. Though I noticed in the last week or two his family has been nicer to me at school. But thats about it. I have no intention of running back to him. I have no idea what kind of relationship he wants with me. But if he really is true about wanting to be there for our daughter and stick around and stuff, then I won't stop him, but I still have no intention of putting him on the birth certificate. I know he wouldn't pay child support and stuff, so yeah. but I'm just waiting to see what the future holds. The reason he told that to someone else my guess, from knowing him, he's a pussy lol

 

[Angelmouse]

I don't think you've got anything to worry about hon, you SO have the right attitude towards the whole situation.

 

[Novbaby08]

lol well I have the last 8 months to stew on it, LOL if he had said this back when I was in my first trimester still I would've been over the moon with joy thinking he's finally realized and stuff, but because its been so long I've been sitting no this. my pregnancy is almost over, and he has yet to show up and be there for me, I'm used to not having him here. It would almost be weird to have his support. though I do wonder about the message because his family has been nicer to me lately especially his mom, yesterday she walked by me smiled and waved. it was weird. but like I said I'll believe him when he shows up and proves himself, otherwise I'm still planning it like I'm doing it alone