What ridiculous things have been said to you?

[summer rain]

peanutbean; I could hire a doula but from my understanding, a doula is more of an assistant and not really trained to handle the whole gamut of delivery (I may be wrong here; but the doulas I have known have been like that). So I'd still have to wait for the midwives to show up. We were planning to hire an independent midwife for this pregnancy, but I got pregnant sooner than I thought and financially it just hasn't been feasible.

I've had the whole 'its so dangerous and you couldn't get to hospital in time if something went wrong' thing from people who live further from a hospital than me; thankfully some people have been surprisingly supportive; including dh's aunt who comes from a country where homebirth is illegal but most women give birth in birth centres, and there are much lower rates of intervention than here.

 

[Mervs Mum]

Doula's are NOT there to do the job of a MW you are absolutely right SR. We are emotional and practical support and a source of information to enable women to make their OWN informed choices. I know doulas who have 'caught' babies who were BBA but that's definitely not the preferred outcome. We are trained to recognise obsetric scenarios but NOT to give any kind of medical advice (well that goes for ones working under the codes of practice of DUK).

 

[summer rain]

Thanks for the clarification; I remembered there were some doulas on this part of the board

 

[PeanutBean]

Yeah I didn't mean instead of a mw! Just as extra support if you felt yours are crap!

 

[Mervs Mum]

I knew what you meant PB I just wanted to clarify for other readers. Doulas are not medically trained nor should they pretend to be!

 

[Greta Chick]

TM!

Greta, I was reading a couple of days ago about Hull hospital having some pretty awful stats including obstetric issues. Not sure if that would be your local but I would far rather go to a birthing centre than invite trouble at that hospital!

Peanutbean, that is indeed the hospital that I refuse to go to! Although if you read my post at the top of the page, the birth centre has closed 66 times this year due to staff shortages/sickness and may well be closing for good in April next year!!

xx

 

[Pixxie]

'You say you don't want the drugs now but you're a wimp, you will be begging for an epidural at the first contraction.'

Oh, wow, thanks

 

[DazedConfused]

'You say you don't want the drugs now but you're a wimp, you will be begging for an epidural at the first contraction.'

Oh, wow, thanks

Serious punch in the face moment >_>

 

[summer rain]

Peanut bean I think I misunderstood, I really feel the way these mws are in this area that they won't even be showing up to my homebirth, so I thought you were suggesting a doula as an alternative.

 

[PeanutBean]

Are they not legally obliged to?

 

[Mervs Mum]

They are legally obliged to but they will often threaten that they won't be able to etc and of course once the seed is sewn, for some women it starts a chain reaction of doubts. One of the couples on the Doula! Film actually booked a doula for that reason but with her roll to be the one on the phone when labour started, keeping calmly insistent that they needed to send someone because the couple would be staying home. They didn't want to deal with it in labour. As it turned out they sent a mw without any problems and the couple got that and everything else support wise they could want from their doula. If you YouTube doula film there are a few trailers on there I think. It's a UK film.
By the way I'm not suggesting you have to have a doula! Just really backing what i think PB was suggesting.

 

[summer rain]

Are they not legally obliged to?

I live down a private road with no parking at present (the housing association just made it no parking recently; not even for emergencies); and they do have to be able to park relatively close to where you live in order for where you live to be considered suitable for a home birth. Our development is at the back of a pedestrianised area as well so it would be tricky should an ambulance need to be called. Also while they are 'legally' obliged to send a midwife they can find ways around this using the above 'reasons', or just mess you around for a long period of time before finally agreeing to send someone, which with my labours is time I don't have. Also they may just take so long to arrive; last time the hospital; who you have to call here as a go-between took ages to let the midwife on call know I was having a few contractions (which was NOT what I said to the hospital staff I said I know from with my other child that this baby is coming very soon and the contractions are painful and constant), I got her number from them and called her myself but then she and the other mw got stuck in traffic, even though they were coming seperately and the other one lived only about a 5 minutes drive away under normal circumstances. They arrived only 5 minutes before bubs was born and I was really panicked and not calm at all, it did make the experience quite traumatic for me. While I don't like the hospital environment I really felt my husband and I were out of our depth. We are currently going through the process of a homeswap so may not even be living here when the baby comes but we've had absolutely no indication as to whether they will approve it or not, they legally have 42 days to approve it (expires on 9th December) but it seems as though if they don't by then even if due to them dragging their feet, then the whole process will have to begin again.

 

[PeanutBean]

summer, what a nightmare for you! I wish I could offer something constructive to say but I have nothing!

 

[summer rain]

Don't worry about it; hopefully it will all be sorted one way or another by the time baby comes; I am going to speak to the midwife tomorrow at my appointment (which I am walking to in the snow because I know if I try and reschedule again it will be put back another week or so) because I've had absolutely no chance to discuss my homebirth or the feasibility of it whatsoever so far.

 

[wild2011]

My labours are in the precipitous category and my last two I had one fairly strong contraction with nothing for at least 30 minutes and then 30 minutes or so later it was constant, also my labours have halved every time in length so I am expecting the overall length of this one to be around 45 minutes; if it follows the same pattern. I have been recommended a home birth which I was keen on but not sure now as the local midwives don't inspire the greatest confidence in me but then again not sure how feasible or safe it would be to try and get to hospital; even at the first twinge.

i get the same as you re the get to hospital and people not understanding i go quick, first lo my waters went and i went ot hospital which i lived opposite os 2 min walk, 45 mins later i had her in my arms. 2nd lo, i woke up for the loo on dd and it all started contractions on top of each other, ambuolance arrived 15 mins later, she was born in the ambulance after a labour of 28 mins total. 3rd was a planned homebirth, overdue and back to back, i laboured for 1hr 30 mins, she was such a toughy and it hurt like hell back to back for me, ive been prepared to go back to 28 mins and quicker for this one, as mw's think it was long due to her position. im now further away form hospital tho and my mw only works 8-4 then i have to call hospital to send someone, so looks like i may be going it alone, or calling a ambulance to assist at home till she arrives lol. gulpppp i know i can do it but still get nervous cos its so quick.

 

[Celesse]

Whilst I was pregnant with #1 I had the usual "why do you want to do that cos of the mess/pain/safety/blah".

Since having her the most ridiculous thing I hear, time and time again is: (in a I-know-better-than-you tone of voice), "Well, you will be wanting to go into hospital for the next baby after what happened last time". ...

.... I mean WTF do they think happened last time? I had a normal labour to a point and at the point where it stopped being normal I was safely and quickly transferred to hospital, in plenty of time as to have no additional negative outcomes for me or the baby...Thus proving the safety of a planned home birth!!!!!!!

 

[summer rain]

My labours are in the precipitous category and my last two I had one fairly strong contraction with nothing for at least 30 minutes and then 30 minutes or so later it was constant, also my labours have halved every time in length so I am expecting the overall length of this one to be around 45 minutes; if it follows the same pattern. I have been recommended a home birth which I was keen on but not sure now as the local midwives don't inspire the greatest confidence in me but then again not sure how feasible or safe it would be to try and get to hospital; even at the first twinge.

i get the same as you re the get to hospital and people not understanding i go quick, first lo my waters went and i went ot hospital which i lived opposite os 2 min walk, 45 mins later i had her in my arms. 2nd lo, i woke up for the loo on dd and it all started contractions on top of each other, ambuolance arrived 15 mins later, she was born in the ambulance after a labour of 28 mins total. 3rd was a planned homebirth, overdue and back to back, i laboured for 1hr 30 mins, she was such a toughy and it hurt like hell back to back for me, ive been prepared to go back to 28 mins and quicker for this one, as mw's think it was long due to her position. im now further away form hospital tho and my mw only works 8-4 then i have to call hospital to send someone, so looks like i may be going it alone, or calling a ambulance to assist at home till she arrives lol. gulpppp i know i can do it but still get nervous cos its so quick.

Yeah thats my dilemma; I feel your pain (literally lol). No-one in my family has labours this quick either so they don't understand; aside from my youngest sister all of my mum's were on the long side 10 hours+ and same with my sisters as well (my eldest one had to have an emergency c-section after a 36 hour labour that was going nowhere); my last one was about 1hr 45 minutes in total (1 contraction then 30-45 minutes later contractions on top of each other) but thats only because I had such stubborn membranes and his head was literally stuck there half sticking out of my nether regions for a good hour until they broke my waters then I was ready to push immediately; similar happened with my second baby.

 

[wild2011]

i learnt to deal with it, just scared of being alone, the last one i got up and did a dance round the room when it finally happened.hehe i do feel blessed they are fast in a way, bet i get sick of oh ur lucky. like my supportive mw say when they are that fast the pain is so intense and severe and although its over quickly and you forget about it, it is at the time extremely dramatic. x