What to do with my 11 year old : /

[Petunia]

Hi all first let me say hello! I've posted on the pregnancy forum before my son was born in October, but never here so Hi!

Apologies if this has been gone over before..

I'm really struggling with my 11-year-old daughter at the moment. She started secondary school this year in an area we only moved into in August. She's done amazingly well at making new friends at school, but the main problem is outside of school. All of her friends are allowed more freedom than I feel comfortable with at that age.

My DD can walk the mile to and from school on her on, walk to her friends house and go to the shop down the road without supervision. I've even said yes to going into town into the local shopping centre with friends, but I don't feel comfortable with her going outside the centre without an adult being nearby somewhere.

Her friends however are allowed to spend all day in town and go to all the outside shops as well, and they all hang out in the local park, which is one of those parks with lots of paths and trees and bushes. It's not the type of park one would want to find themselves in after dark even as an adult. They are all also allowed to walk further than her, like across the village to friends houses where I only allow my DD to walk to the friends houses that are on our side.

Her friends keep asking her if she wants to go out to the park, and she keeps telling them she's not allowed, which leaves her stuck indoors all day on her own because they don't want to sit in. I like the part of the village that we live in, but there are a lot of areas around here which are known as being a bit rough, and that's where a lot of her friends live. I don't know the kids, or their parents, or their neighbours.

I know my daughter is a very sensible kid, and I totally trust her (she's even allowed boyfriends because I do trust that with her it's nothing more than someone she will walk to class with and she talks to me about everything), I just don't trust them or the area. My friend says if I don't let her out she'll rebel, and I hate seeing her trapped in the house (I have a an ex-prem baby, so I can't take her out myself much anymore).

It feels like everyone wants me to treat my 11-year-old like she's a teenager, and if I don't I'm being over protective! My partner agrees with me tho.

I have no clue how to handle this. Any thoughts?

(thanks for reading this stupidly long post!!!!)

 

[MyFirstNoodle]

I personally don't have kids however my brother and sister are around that age. I TOTALLY agree with you not allowing your daughter to go places that you do not feel comfortable with. You have been reasonable and have allowed her to go into town and the local shops etc. but at the end of the day she is still only 11. There needs to be some boundaries. I wasn't even allowed out of my road until I was 13 and things were alot different back then.

I think if your not happy with your 11 year old daughter going to this park and the other side of the village then you should stick to it. Don't allow people to tell you whats right and wrong, I think you should go with what you think is right. I understand you feel guilty that she has to sit in but why can't her friends come over to your side of the village and all play together? Why do they have to play on the other side of the village?

I'm sorry I'm not much help but I did want you to know I think your right for not allowing your daughter to areas that your not happy with at her age. Good luck hun xx