What would you do? Introduction and a question!

[steatite]

Hi All,

I'm just joining you at the very beginning of my first trimester (haha, can't believe I just typed that!!). Got my BFP on Friday at 12dpo, confirmed with multiple tests since! I'm only 4w 1day, so very early on. Holding my breath and crossing my legs in the hope the poppy seed will stick around. Due 28th April 2014!

My question is this:

I have a good friend who started trying for a baby a few months ago. So far nothing has happened for her...as far as I know. You see, this is the problem. We agreed to be TTC partners in crime, but made what I now realise is the mistake of not having a firm 'when to tell' pact between each other. We sort of talked about how and when we'd tell other people at 12 weeks, but not each other. Now I've had my BFP I don't know whether to tell her or not, and seeing as I haven't heard from her in a week (she should have found out either way last week) I worry that she might have had her BFP and is feeling the same, or had a BFN and doesn't like to ask me how I'm doing. I'd LOVE to have one girl friend to share the news with, especially as we've shared everything else, but I'm worried it will be an unnecessary stress if nothing's happening for her yet. This whole thing is further complicated by the fact that we only started trying this month and won the fertility lottery, so I don't want to rub it in her face if she's having a normal time of TTC (by which I mean, it taking a while to get there). Kind of feels like the pregnancy equivalent of survivors' guilt.

What should I do? I don't know whether to send her a general 'how are you doing' text and hope she responds, or wait for her to get in contact. Maybe she's sitting with a positive pee stick and thinking the same thing! Arrrgghhh!

What would you do?

Thanks for any advice, or sharing of experience from those in similar situations!

 

[lovebabyhopes]

If it were me, I'd tell my good friend, especially if we were TTC together. I'd be sensitive though and try not to be too overbearing about it, in case she had a BFN.. but if she's a good friend, she'll be happy for you and be by your side during the stressful beginning stages of pregnancy. Plus, she's eventually going to ask how your TTC is going and you don't want to lie. That's worse IMO.

Good luck and CONGRATS!!

 

[sara1983]

I agree, I would tell her now because she will find out eventually and I think she would be hurt if you didn't tell her. Just be very sensitive about it in case she did get a BFN, but it should give her hope and I'm sure she'll be very happy for you.

Congrats and welcome!

 

[Moom7900]

I'd also tell her. When you started TTC together, I'm sure you both knew it was likely that one of you would fall pregnant before the other - and I'm sure you'd have wanted to know if she had got her bfp first. I think it makes it a lot easier that she's only been trying for a few months, rather than the heartbreak of trying for years with no luck.

She'll most likely be thrilled for you, and feel boosted to keep trying - and who knows, maybe she'll have her own bfp very soon, and you can share your pregnancies too?

Congrats on your pg, and good luck xxxxxxx

 

[steatite]

Thanks for all these thoughtful replies! I'm so happy to have found this community. I will think of the most sensitive way to bring it up and tell her when we next speak. Dream scenario is that she has the same news!

In the meantime, I'm looking forward to oversharing on this forum.... ;-)

Thanks for the congratulations and for making me feel welcome!

 

[Nats21]

I'd tell her too hun. Good luck and congratulations on your bfp xx

 

[44npregnant]

I would tell her. I didn't wait to tell anyone I knew because, heck, I know! And there is no point in waiting, eventually they will know you already know any way...does that make sense?

 

[c.m.c]

I did this with a friend..... I think tell her

I told my friend...I got a BFP end of April then she got hers 2 weeks later. Mine ended in ectopic but I've told her about this new pregnancy too.....even though no one else knows.

I was glad of her support and your friend will be too. She will feel special that she knows u trust her and when she gets her BFP u will be a support to her too


O and congrats to you

 

[steatite]

Thanks guys, this has been really helpful. I'll wait until the weekend and then phone her for a good old catch up.

Thanks for all the congratulations and welcomes! Still can't believe this is happening. I am waiting to tell my parents and in-laws when my in-laws come to visit from overseas in a few weeks, so I imagine the first-time grandparent excitement explosion will help with that!

Wishing all you ladies comfortable nights, and look forward to hearing your updates.

Xxx