What would you do?

[Jen_H]

Ladies, Its been a long time since I've been on these forums. But I need to sound off somewhere and ask people that don't know me what they would do. I don't want to speak to my friends.

I got a blazing BFP today. I was on the pill and didn't even mess up. My hubby and I have 3 other kids and did not want anymore (he was going to get the snip as soon as he had time off). I was feeling so sick and there where a few other symptoms that set the alarm bells ringing. I peed on the stick convinced I was imagining it but theres no mistaking this.

I don't even know what to do. I am worried this may end my marriage, we spoke ages ago and he categorically said he wouldn't be able to love another child. My hubby works away and isn't home for another 2 months so I wouldn't even know how to bring this up on an unstable FaceTime connection! Part of me feels guilty for not being excited like I was with all my others but the other part of me already feels so much love for this tiny bean growing inside me.

What do I do? Crying and staring at a pregnancy test is not solving this problem!!!!

 

[Amygdala]

Aw, I'm sorry it feels like a difficult situation right now. However, I do believe these things work themselves out in the majority of cases. Your husband may have said he couldn't love another child but I think it's extremely unlikely that he won't. It's his baby after all and I'm sure he loves the other three. So even if he reacts badly (and I'm not saying he will!), I'd trust that he'll fall in love with baby once he meets them.
As for telling him, that's a difficult one. I definitely would do it asap. Both so he doesn't think you kept it a secret and so you don't have time to worry about how he's going to react. Would a phone line be less wonky and allow you to talk properly? Or could you send him a letter explaining the situation and asking him to phone you at the end?
Any way you end up telling him, I seriously doubt it'll end your marriage. In fact I would categorically say that a healthy marriage can deal with this and a marriage the breaks up over a surprise baby wasn't worth having in the first place.
Try not to worry too much about the what-ifs. Just face the situation head on as soon as you can and it'll most likely turn out much better than what you're imagining. Congratulations on your pregnancy!

 

[SleepyBaby]

Me and the Oh decided after a miscarriage followed by a blighted ovum enough was enough, i have a son and we have a daughter together so that was us happy enough.

When i first though i was pregnant this time, the only reason i thought maybe i could be was i went off coffee, suddenly didnt like the taste and though yikes... so i took the test then went and cried in my garden for an hour or so, told him we needed to talk, when he arrived i just came out with it, in a "you got me pregnant asshat" kinda way, yanno broke it to him gently. We talked for a bit and left it there, now gradually we are both getting excited about it!

Your oh might say he cannot love another child but in reality as soon as baby grabs his finger, he wont be able to help himself!

hope it all works out for you xx

 

[BSelck24]

I definitely don't think something like a surprise pregnancy should end your marriage or will end your marriage. It is not your fault, he had something to do with it too!

It may not be in the grand plan, but your husband will eventually come around. And I will also throw out, that if you and your husband decide to end this pregnancy I am not judging, I just feel like you both need time for it to sink in!

 

[cluckerduckie]

I can't speak personally for #4 as I'm still on #3 and hubs said that after 3 he's finished. I respect his decision but generally speaking, if we do have a 4th, it wouldn't break our marriage. One more child isn't as bad as it sounds after 3.
To relate, I had a difficult time telling my mother about this pregnancy. I'm in a different country and my husband is only home for maybe 5 months a year.

Precautions were taken and I don't want to say "oops" as sperms are violent and know how to do their job. Getting pregnant on the pill isn't too proven effective. He could have taken measures too and not you if he didn't want another.
In my opinion, I wouldn't break it to him over facetime. You're both adults and he in time, will accept it.
❤

 

[tinymumma]

Hubby and I were TTC for 12 months before this BFP. We have a very rocky relationship but are working through it now. Half way through my BFP cycle he told me that we should wait to have another baby. I was heartbroken. Little did we know I was already pregnant. I couldn't bare to tell him when I took a test and he ended up guessing.
At first he was quite secluded and didn't want to speak about it but now, he is excited and can't wait.
Your hubby will come around, whether it's at the first scan, or when you're further along, he will xx There is no way a parent cannot love their child and I highly doubt it will ruin your marriage, my dear xx
Babies sometimes have a funny way of entering our lives, sometimes it seems like the worst possible time but that little baby chose you both as their parent xx As you know, children are absolute little miracles and our heart swells to accomodate them, regardless of their coming about
Congratulations to you sweetheart and I wish you a H&H 9 months xx

 

[floridamomma]

After 6 miscarriages my Dh was not wanting to to try. He flat out refused. Yet here we are at 12 weeks for the first time in 7 pregnancies and I can't keep him from crying every time he touches my belly. I hope that he comes around. My husband said no because he was scared to lose another baby, also Jr. was nervous about the financials.