What would you have done? Other kids being bullies.

[sandilion]

Took DS to a indoor play center about a week ago and he absolutely loved it. My mother came along, and it was a great afternoon!

At one point though when i put LO in the enclosed toddler area so i could have a cuppa with mum and watch as he played, he was playing happily - then a mother put her DS in there (he looked a bit older than DS - maybe 2.5) and this boy was a bit of a little devil! He was in a foul mood, and walked over to my DS and ripped the ball from his hands, DS smiled back thinking the kid was ready to play with him, but instead the kid bashed him in the face with it, making him fall back quite hard and smack his head on the toys behind him.

I quickly ran in to see if DS was ok, he was crying and seemed very shocked with what happened. The other boy laughed at pointed at my DS so i told him that wasn't very nice, picked DS up and walked out with him and took him elsewhere to try and help him feel better and forget about what happened. When i picked DS up, i glanced over to the bully boy's mother and she was watching everything that happened but did nothing. And looked away when i made eye contact with her.

Now, when i told a couple friends and DH about that incident they told me i should have told the mother off. And now i feel like i didn't defend my son well enough for not doing so. I gave her 'the look' but just wanted to remove my kid from the situation as it was pretty unpleasant.

I dont know why but i sort of keep beating myself up about this, feeling like i didn't handle it right and just wanted to know your input. i keep replaying it over in my head on what i should have done instead f what i did do... Do you think i should have said something to the mum? or was it enough for me to just nurture DS and remove him and tell the other boy that it wasn't nice? I have had a theory to not make a big deal when he gets bullied, like step in and help out.... but I also want him to grow up knowing how to look after himself too ya know. I don't want to fight all of his battles, but is he a bit too young for that yet?

How would you have handled that situation? And no flames please for me telling the other boy that what he did wasn't nice, I said it calmly. Not that it would have done anything as it really needed to come from his own mother IMO.

 

[izzlesnizzle]

I would have done the same as you. I would have said to the other child no don't do that in a nice tone and would have looked at the mother to see if she would intervene. If she hadn't then I wouldn't have said anything to be honest. I was at a singing group yesterday and another little girl pushed mine flat on the floor and she came back to me whimpering and sat on my knee crying. I looked over at the mum and she said "oh is she ok?" Most mums in my experience will show empathy and tell the child off themselves so its unlucky this woman didn't but I think its probably an isolated event which wont happen too often, so don't beat yourself up about it. If it does happen again, I think your course of action was absolutely fine.

 

[Saphira]

I've felt guilty for my reaction in certain situations with the girls too! I understand exactly how you must feel now. I think you did the right thing though, honestly! If the boy was around 2 1/2, probably much too young to really mean what he did to your lo. It happens sadly and although I think his mom could have apologized I wouldn't have confronted her personally. Comforting your lo and moving on to something else is totally fine!

 

[Bex84]

I think you did the right thing, she was in the wrong for not dealing with the behaviour of her son and to be honest if that's her reaction she may have a problem by time he gets to school as children need to be taught how to act in social situations. I wouldent have done anything different from you and it wouldent have changed anything if you had gone over other than created a scene in front of your lo.

 

[Rachel_C]

I would have done exactly what you did. If the parent isn't going to step in and tell their kid they did something so far away from okay, I'm happy to do it! Like you, I wouldn't shout, I'd just use my mum voice, usually just something like "Err no, we don't push people over, that's not very friendly".

I wouldn't have spoken to the mother either. Either she'd have totally ignored you or started to argue, neither of which will teach her LO not to behave like that. The look would be enough for me

 

[LuckyYem]

I have been in situatutions like this before and have as a pp said used my mummy voice and said "no its not nice to......" Mostly their parents have then apologised and spoken to their child if they don't I have never said anything to the parent. Now dd1 is older she will speak up for herself so to speak and say something like "its not very nice to....." And then carry on playing. Sometimes being a parent is a minefield and its easy to look back on a situation and say I should of done xyz. But IMO you did the right thing

 

[suzib76]

I would have done exactly what you did. If the parent isn't going to step in and tell their kid they did something so far away from okay, I'm happy to do it! Like you, I wouldn't shout, I'd just use my mum voice, usually just something like "Err no, we don't push people over, that's not very friendly".

I wouldn't have spoken to the mother either. Either she'd have totally ignored you or started to argue, neither of which will teach her LO not to behave like that. The look would be enough for me

This. If she isn't going to deal with her son she wouldn't be open to you approaching her.

 

[CT125]

I get indescribable rage when other kids even aren't careful running around near my LO in soft play places, or if kids that are too old for the toddler section are in it.
I'm not sure I would have gone to the mother though, I would have spoken to the child and if the mother wanted to get involved then she could come and have a go (if she thinks she's hard enough jk, I hate confrontation)
I woud have totally given her the evils though if she didn't reprimand her brat!

 

[MommyJogger]

I might be setting myself up here, but on the subject, I'm not really the kind of person to remove my kid from the situation. If DS were okay, I would probably tell the kid we don't push or hit people with balls. Then at this age I'd helicopter a little and make sure he wasn't going to do it again, or keep correcting the behavior if he kept messing with DS until his mom came to correct/remove/watch him. Why should the well-behaved children have to stop playing and the poorly-behaved ones keep using the area?
ETA: I don't mean to say that what you did was wrong though. There are lots of valid ways of handling the situation, I think, and what you did sounds fine to me. As long as your glare was hard and icy.

 

[meldmac]

I might be setting myself up here, but on the subject, I'm not really the kind of person to remove my kid from the situation. If DS were okay, I would probably tell the kid we don't push or hit people with balls. Then at this age I'd helicopter a little and make sure he wasn't going to do it again, or keep correcting the behavior if he kept messing with DS until his mom came to correct/remove/watch him. Why should the well-behaved children have to stop playing and the poorly-behaved ones keep using the area?
ETA: I don't mean to say that what you did was wrong though. There are lots of valid ways of handling the situation, I think, and what you did sounds fine to me. As long as your glare was hard and icy.

Same, I would probably stay and make sure he didn't do anything again. However I think you handled it fine.

I have had to talk to a few kids before as well, it really bothers me that the parents don't do anything!

 

[CT125]

I might be setting myself up here, but on the subject, I'm not really the kind of person to remove my kid from the situation. If DS were okay, I would probably tell the kid we don't push or hit people with balls. Then at this age I'd helicopter a little and make sure he wasn't going to do it again, or keep correcting the behavior if he kept messing with DS until his mom came to correct/remove/watch him. Why should the well-behaved children have to stop playing and the poorly-behaved ones keep using the area?
ETA: I don't mean to say that what you did was wrong though. There are lots of valid ways of handling the situation, I think, and what you did sounds fine to me. As long as your glare was hard and icy.

If LO was just a bit put out I'd not move him away but if he was visibly upset, really crying, I would until he had calmed down, I reckon

 

[Indigo77]

I would have knocked his mama's teeth out!

Not really....but I would have been tempted...

 

[Larkspur]

I might be setting myself up here, but on the subject, I'm not really the kind of person to remove my kid from the situation. If DS were okay, I would probably tell the kid we don't push or hit people with balls. Then at this age I'd helicopter a little and make sure he wasn't going to do it again, or keep correcting the behavior if he kept messing with DS until his mom came to correct/remove/watch him. Why should the well-behaved children have to stop playing and the poorly-behaved ones keep using the area?

I agree.

Although I actually don't think that there's any such thing as a two and a half year old bully. It's just an overly rambunctious kid (or maybe one who is having a hard day) who doesn't have an attentive enough parent. I'm not saying you did use a harsh tone with him, but I think if we use words like "bully" or "mean kid' in our heads about other children, it will incline us to treat them more harshly.

 

[Vickie]

If the other parent didn't correct the child I would do it as well. However as some of the others I probably wouldn't remove my child unless they were either really upset by it or it was a dangerous situation (i.e. the time we were at a playground when Hannah was 2 or younger and some 4 year old tried to push her off a very high slide we left immediately).

 

[hubblybubbly]

What you did was perfectly fine. I try to swing it so that my lo doesn't have to stop playing as they shouldn't feel "punished" and the other kid doesn't get the area to themselves by acting unkindly.

At soft play the oth day there was a kid if about 3 swinging the "boxing cushions" at mine and my friends toddlers, he was deliberately trying to knock them over, we got them to do the next activity instead climbing bouncy stairs and he ran up behind my friends lo and grabbed him round the waist pulling him backwards. I automatically shouted "ah ah" so he stopped and turned around and I told him not to pull people about, it's not nice, but he could stay and play if he was going to be kind. His dad just sat and drank his coffee so I did the death stare. The only time I would say something to the parents is if the child did something like bite or pinch, in which case I would be asking them to take me to their parents (which I did when a girl repeatedly pulled Los hair-mum was totally oblivious but did give her child a telling off and made her sit out for a while)

I often think kids behaviour at soft play is them trying to play and join in, but not knowing how, and not being taught was is and isn't acceptable, it's normally th kids who's parents are sitting down not joining in or encouraging their child who are rough, and part of it is them trying to attain the attention they are lacking from their own parents. They aren't bullies or mean, and I'm often left feeling sorry for the kid.....but it's still freaking frusrating when it's your child getting hurt!

 

[sandilion]

Oh sorry i shouldn't use the word bully, i agree that's a bit rough especially for a little 2 or so year old. I feel a bit bad now for using that term! I was tired last night when i made this post so wasn't choosing my words too well.

And I also agree with the idea of not removing my LO straight away ... i guess it was a bit of a knee jerk reaction as it was the first time he has copped something like that in front of me (he may have had it done in childcare for example of which i dont know about)

Next time ill take a deep breath, check if he is ok and not be so quick to remove him as i don't want him feeling victimized by instances like that either. I really want him to learn how to fend for himself and be strong willed, so yeah i can see how me removing him instantly can actually cause the opposite with that. I guess i just went into mumma bear protector mode lol!

Thanks heaps for all of the replies, you have all made me feel a lot better and confident but also have given me other ideas for the next time this happens. I really appreciate it

 

[KittyVentura]

I wouldn't confront the mother. That is not behaviour I want to demonstrate to my children. I would firmly correct the child myself. A stern voice at their level explaining how they had hurt my child and what they need do to prevent it happening again. I have actually raised my voice at a child being maliciously unkind and following Fin to shove him over. I pretty much will chide any child who is being unkind or at risk of harming others exactly as ?I would my own. Sometimes clearing my throat to alert them to being watched and then sternly shaking my head, sometimes gently explaining how they might hurt a child with what they are doing and sometimes having words. But on the flip died I am like the pied piper in play areas and wind up with them all playing with us anyway so as already interacting and balanced by the play it does work.

I'm yet to have a parent comment but pretty much if you aren't doing the necessary parenting and it is putting others at risk then I will parent for you and I actually couldn't care a bit if you do not like it. Xx

 

[Louise88]

I had a similar situation a couple months ago, took my daughter to the garden centre with my mum and dad they have a soft play area where your kids can play in while you have a coffee. I placed my daughter in the toddler bit and watched her from the table she was getting really excited and trying run around with the other toddlers there was this one girl who looked about 3 so a good 2 years older then my dd and she ran up to my dd shouted move and pushed her really hard so my dd went backwards and fell. This girls mother was sat on the table next to me saw everything and did absolutely nothing! My dd didn't cry but I felt like doing it because it was the first time I'd ever seen another child be nasty to her.

I didn't say anything to the mum either but I know if it were my dd who was hurting or pushing another child I'd be giving her wrong straight away and apologising to the kids mum.

 

[mummyof3babas]

u would have had words with the mum tbh if she just sat there and done nothing!

 

[_Vicky_]

I've just skimmed but these threads really are making me sad let me say it loud and clear
TWO YEAR OLDS ARENT BULLIED OR BRATTS!!

Seriously I just want to say just you wait!!! Maybe it's time to move up to the kid section as the language people use to describe tiny kids is really getting on my nerves!!