What's with STUPID comments from MIL!!!!

Discussion in 'Baby Club' started by Mantha, Jan 24, 2011.

  1. Mantha

    Mantha Mummy to Lewis :) x

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    Usually i find my MIL lovely. But just a lately she has been doing my head in with the stupid comment and patronising me!!! I dont like sharing my LO lol his my baby, and OH's of course. So i am actually quite selfish when it come to grandparents having him. But other week when we was at theres he was quite tired and whingey so MIL didnt get him as he was asleep so she was sat there with a face like a smacked arse, pardon my french. Then when he woke up i let her have him for a little bit as i couldnt do with the sulking and she turns round and say ' this is what u live for when ur my age ur kids and grandkids' almost as if to make me feel bad. Lol but when ever i pass him to her she always say ooooh watch his head as though im guna hurt my own child, his been holding his head up for months for god sake i think i know how to hold my own child and pass him to someone. This is what really annoys me, me and OH was touching LO's head as he has 1 hair thats loads longer than the rest lol so we was having a look at how long it had got, she say 'aww his thinking i wish ud stop touching my head' so we all know that really she wants us to stop touching his head'. Why do that, we all know she doesnt know what his thinking. Aaaargh
    Also OH wants me and him to go out on saturday night as we havent been out just me and him since i had Lewis, which suits me fine as i dont really want him staying out just yet but ive agreed for OH. So his mums having him, i would rather leave him with her other than any1 else as i know she will look after him. An i suppose i do trust her with him. But she turned round and goes 'im looking forward to having him, ive not had many cuddles with him yet' i know she probly doesnt mean owt by it but it really winds me up. I dont want to leave him just yet, i hate the thought of some1 else mothering my baby and i know she will do everything we say different. I know im guna have to leave him at some point, i also hate the idea that his not guna need his mummy :( she seems to act as though OH' kids arent her grandkids instead she acts like there hers. He has a dughter from a previous relationship and she undermines him all the time when it comes to his daughter. Its almost like he just has the title daddy. I dont want this with my son, its his business when it comes to his daughter. But i dont want her thinking she can do sumat with my son when ive said no. I want him to know were his mummy and daddy and we say what goes. Pointless thread really, just needed to write it all down really. Im just dreading saturday night now :( i know she will be telling him his her little man and mothering him!!
    xxx
     
  2. MrsNovBaby

    MrsNovBaby Well-Known Member

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  3. kalou1972

    kalou1972 Mummy to Miller & TTC #2

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    Aww..chic...i know exactly how you feel about annoying MILS !!

    Mine hasnty a bad bone in her body but she ANNOYS me intensley when it comes to our DS !!!

    Shes gonna be looking after him 2 days a week when i go back to work so i NEED top try and let go a bit!!

    Its so hard tho !!

    My issue is she smokes....and altho she never would smoke when she has him ( she would have done if i hadnt expressed my feelings ) .....he and we still stink of smoke if we go in her house or car !! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr
     
  4. KittyVentura

    KittyVentura Autism Mum

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    Meant to do new thread - Doh!
     
  5. elephant29

    elephant29 Daddy, mummy, LO and bean

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    I wouldn't say either of u are being irrational to be honest.

    I love my in laws, they are brilliant and again this is not a thread to bash them but I get the same maternal jealousy u mentioned! My mil comes in and will say 'can I have a wee shot' and hold her arms out for Lo. This is harmless and normal behaviour but it gets my back up for some wierd reason! Also she will say 'hello my darling' and as I say this to her it feels a bit strange...maybe I'm strange!

    Also when we go into her work, gp surgery, she will cone out and immediately take Lo and vanish with her. I know she's just a proud gran and I'm being irrational but its this feeling I can't help!

    Xxx
     
  6. charli87

    charli87 Chloes Mummy

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    ohhhh i get you 100%!!

    I get like this with my MIL all the time! I hate the thought of DD not needing me and I guess I worry she'll prefer her to me.
    I tend to leave the room if she's in there then I can't hear the way she talks to DD, although its pretty hard as we currently live in their 2 bed flat with them but its like she expects to share her, errr noooo shes my baby hands off lol!

    if you ever want to chat about it feel free to pm me :hugs:
     
  7. PrincessJenna

    PrincessJenna Well-Known Member

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    My MIL smokes & so do my parents but no one is aloud to smoke in my parents house esp now cos of Millie but MIL stinks her house out so me & oh have decided to not take Millie round there anymore, even when she comes to us she stinks of them ! x
     
  8. Mantha

    Mantha Mummy to Lewis :) x

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    Thats exactly how i feel, i dont want him to prefer her to me. An i hate the fact that everyone not just MIL, makes me feel like i have to share my baby. I havent had my son for everyone else. His mine and OH's thats it, i hate anyone else beside me and OH cuddling him or anything. I sound like a spoilt little brat. But i cant help the way i feel :( when anyone in my family has a baby i dont see them as mine or think that i have a right to that baby. But i feel like everyone thinks my baby is theres. Lol
    it sounds so silly, i know it does. But i want to enjoy my son, and not feel like everyone wants him an wants to tell me what to do with him.
    xxxxx
     
  9. stardust599

    stardust599 Well-Known Member

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    You're exactly like me hun.

    My MIL is nice but she really annoys me when it comes to LO.

    She always comes in and says "hello my baby, my/granny's little angel, my darling, my sweetpea etc. etc." I just feel like she's MINE (and OH's) not anyone else. I can see her itching to hold her when she's sleeping and when I'm feeding her she always distracts her and ruins the feed (Macy has significant reflux and a cow's milk allergy and feeds are very stressful and difficult, I'd rather do them on my own). She also tells me what to do with her, how to hold her etc. and if I'm playing with her and her t-shirt is riding up her back or something she has to come and fuss and fix it. Also how to dress her, I just want to shout "I've had her for 3 months, I know how to ****ing look after her you moron".

    She also has an opinion on everything - her reflux, milk allergy, her weight gain, her immunisations, TV, weaning etc. She's MY child and I'll do things my way not hers!!

    I know it's ridiculous but I can't help that it really really annoys me.

    I also get jealous when MIL holds her or gets smiles from her or anything, I often wonder if she gets them easier than me lol.

    Weirdly, I don't feel this way about my own Mum at all and I love seeing my Mum giving Macy cuddles and playing with her :-S

    I find myself getting really defensive and not wanting her involved which I know is unfair.
     
  10. Mantha

    Mantha Mummy to Lewis :) x

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    Im exactly the same, im starting to think theres sumat wrong with me. I dont like people coming near him sometimes. OH has a daughter from a previous relationship and when she there i hate it. Its like OH, MIL and OH's daughter and i just feel like a spare part sometimes, like ive done my job for them all now and they want to take my baby away from me. I just want him with me which is unfair really as when his a couple of months older he needs to be involved with other people really. Im just so scared
    his not guna want me soon, so i try and keep him all to myself. But i cnt stand people calling him there baby or there little man. Ive just been reading another post and other mummys want there LO's to have a great relationship with there MIL's, but i really cnt find it in myself to want that. Maybe there's sumat wrong with me :( i just want him to feel loved. I was never told or shown very much love at all when i was a child. I just want him to know that i love him, his my whole world. I just feel like his guna get taken away from me and not want his mummy if i let others get close to him xxxx
     
  11. charli87

    charli87 Chloes Mummy

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    i understand what you mean about how your childhood has affected how you feel, as I know mine has affected me and how i feel about others getting close to Chloe, although its mainly MIL i have the problem with.
    all i can say is its completely normal how your feeling, if not then we can be weird together lol!:haha:
    big hugs hun:hugs:
     
  12. Lyndz

    Lyndz Bella's Mummy

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    No matter what anyone else does, or how many cuddles they get, you're always going to be his favorite person :hugs: you sound like you have such an intense love for him, as most mummy's do for their own kids, that he's bound to feel that. No one else will EVER be able to replicate that love you have for him.

    As for your MIL, i know how you feel. My MIL constantly goes on about "having to ask to hold her" or me "being selfish for not leaving her overnight with her" and all i can think is BOLLOCKS (excuse my language!) She's not a toy and i didn't create her for you to get your snuggle kicks!

    If you don't feel conforable with leaving him yet, then dont. Bella's coming up for 1 and i still wont leave her with anyone and i can't see a day or night in sight where i will.
     
  13. krys

    krys Madi's Mommy

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    My baby isn't even here yet and my MIL is driving me crazy. A few weeks ago she said "The baby is going to stay here every Friday" I was soooo mad, I wanted to smack her. She can watch MY child when I say so. Its not like I even go out on Fridays anyways!
     
  14. iHeartbaby#1

    iHeartbaby#1 Well-Known Member

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    I was beginning to think i was the only one :( since I made a thread like this a few days ago and it only got one reply. Comforting to know I'm not though!

    I can't figure out why but i'm the same exact way! My mom can't get enough of my LO and it doesn't bother me at all. I get the nastiest thoughts when my MIL enters the picture though.
     
  15. Noodlejuice

    Noodlejuice Mum to 3, expecting #4!

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    I'm with everyone else here - my MIL is lovely, she's caring and helpful and she does anything she can to look after people in her life. I can't fault her and I'm really lucky to have her as a MIL.

    BUT...she's driving me nuts with Jasper! Little things, like making gentle digs at "are you being selfish with that baby again?" (always with a smile, but irritating nonetheless...no I'm not being selfish, he's not a toy to be passed around, he's my CHILD who I am taking care of), or when her neighbours/close friends came round the other day when we were at the in-law's house. I was holding Jasper and she told them "you can have him for a munch next time" (at which point I said "oi! He's our baby, you can't offer him to people, you have to wait for us to do it!"...also said with a smile, but I meant it too...) I also hate that if she's having a cuddle she just passes him round to whoever she feels like, rather than asking or passing him back to me or OH...he's MY BABY! It makes me nervous about her babysitting...god knows how much she'd be 'playing' with him, taking him out to show him off and letting all and sundry have a cuddle!

    I'm even getting unreasonably irritated with the fact that she wears a very flowery perfume and Jasper is really snuffly...so I don't really like her cuddling him when she's all fragrant like that. I've stopped wearing my perfumes for a while so it doesn't irritate him...I don't want him passed back to me smelling like an old ladies bathroom threw up on him!

    I feel bad for saying anything negative about her as she really is lovely, but really, really glad to be able to have vented :thumbup:
     
  16. Noodlejuice

    Noodlejuice Mum to 3, expecting #4!

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    I'm exactly the same - my mom can cuddle to her heart's content, and I love it (and would leave him with her happily)...but when MIL is around I'm like a bear with a cub!
     
  17. elephant29

    elephant29 Daddy, mummy, LO and bean

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    It's so wierd that everyone feels this way! Makes me feel better though.

    Everytime MIL comes into our house she wants LO. Like the other day SIL was taking her for the afternoon. MIL and FIL came down as well and MIL was immediately holding Aria. Sil wanted to get going so I took her back to finish gett her ready. MIL was like 'oh I can do that and it'll give you a free minute'...Again I'm sure it was with the best of intentions but my goodness woman I'm giving LO away for the afternoon, I dont need to let her go when I'm still in the room!

    I think we feel this way because this woman (MIL) has as much access to our LO's as our own mum's but we have grown up with our mum's, we know them inside out therefore trust them completely never to try and take over. I'm not saying I dont trust MIL cause I do, very much. However I have only been with OH 2 years this year so have only known MIL for that time. It's not a great deal of time and then you have to hand your most precious little person over. It's a very wierd feeling, one I wish I didnt have!

    xxx
     
  18. Cat lady

    Cat lady Well-Known Member

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    I feel exactly the same, except mil did really upset me when Thomas was first born. Thomas was very ill when he was born and needed an operation. When we phoned mil to tell her we were being transfered to a specialist hospital as they thought something was wrong - she became hysterical on the phone and I ended up reassuring HER!!! When I was told 2 hours earlier my son would die without treatment. I have kind of never forgiven her since! I just cant get over it.

    Now she calls him nannys little star or nannys little soldier and I am like NOOOOO!!!! HES MINE!!!

    MILs and all other g'parents are abit thoughtless time to time and I suppose the majority of us will feel that they think they could do it better etc. But they are ours and we do need to let them be!...We can all just come on here and moan.
    xxx
     
  19. chocoholic01

    chocoholic01 Well-Known Member

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    I could have written this post myslef. Strangely my mil hates anyone else having my lo and takes a proper huff if when at church others want cuddles and things. She is having lo for 2 days a week and my mam for three. I would rather have my mam lo all the time. MIL questions what I do and I am sure that when I come home from work she will not want her to get excited to see me but will want her crying for her grandma. My mam will get my lo excited for me but my mil wants my lo to be hers and just hers and does not want to share her. She does not even like her going to sleep when we are there.
     
  20. hodbert

    hodbert Well-Known Member

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    OMG I feel exactly the same! my in-laws are great and sooo lovely and weirdly I dont feel like it when FIL has Holly, but he generally asks or waits for me to ask if he wants to hold her/feed her etc. But MIL I feel like takes over and it drives me crazy!! I put Holly in her bassinet yday after we'd been out and she was still sleeping. I put her in a position so the kitchen lght wasnt in her face but then MIL goes over and moves bassinet further away and then starts fiddling with the ties on the hood to make it more upright, in the process waking Holly. I just felt like screaming 'get off my bloody child, I have already sorted her out and I am perfectly capable!!!!' Its like she doesnt trust me sometimes, yet when she feeds Holly I can almost guarantee Holly will get gassy and cry afterwards every time because she doesnt burp her often enough, even though we've told her a million times she needs burping every ounce!!!! And then she'll coo at Holly 'ooh someones got the tummy gripes' Yes because you were too busy chatting to burp her you silly woman!!! Grrrrr!! And yet again, I dont have a problem with my mum lookng after Holly at all! :wacko:
     

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