When did you tell your other children you were pregnant?

[Lumboo]

I have a 4 year old and I am not sure whether to tell him I am pregnant. I had a mc in December and he never even knew I was pregnant, but when I lost the baby somehow I felt that was wrong.

When did you all tell your children - did you wait until 12 weeks? If not, how old are your children?

 

[doddy0402]

I am waiting as long as I can! My son is 4 and he hasn't really noticed anything is different with me, but I really don't want to tell him for him to be disappointed if I lose this one aswell. Maybe after my 12 weeks scan but I'll have to see how I feel if/when I get there!x

 

[hayley x]

Daisy is too young to 'tell' but I think I would just wait til I had a bump so they could 'see' there was a baby in there? x

 

[hotpinkangel]

I have a 4 year old daughter and this time i told her at 12 weeks, I had a mc in march last year and had to tell her the baby wasn't there anymore. Seeing her crying broke my heart. Never again. X

 

[Mummy~L]

Well tell Bobby he is going to have a brother or sister but he doesnt understand at all!!

When we had a scan the other day I opened the little picture card and I said to him do you want to see the baby?? He shook his head and closed it back up!!

Hope that isnt a sign of how he is going to react!! hehe xxx

 

[Lumboo]

I didn't tell my son I was pregnant last year. I had the scan ay 10wks and because I already knew the outcome in my heart, it wasn't a great surprise to me.

When my son came home that day, he came straight up to me (bearing in mind I was feeling grateful for what I had at that point, rather than upset) and burst into tears. He said he couldn't explain why he was feeling this way but he felt so lonely?!! My DH and I just looked at each other as there is no way he could have known. DH said that nursery staff said he had acted this way since 13.30 - exactly the same time as I found out the news! Whether he sensed some loss that wasn't spoken of I don't know, but it was pretty freaky.

I just think he is far more senstive to things than we know of, and I think with him honesty will work better as then he can ask questions about it.

Still don't know as to what to do for the best, but I really feel deep down, the right thing to do is tell him. I guess that sounds silly and selfish of me, but I just sense it is better. Oh, I don't know...so confused.

 

[wannabenewmum]

I have four children already and I am expecting my 5th. My eldest is 13 coming up 14 and she knew almost at once. We told my others 10,8, and 5 before my twelve week scan. But I was honest with them from the start that something may happen. I think sometime we shelter our children far too much. If you feel he wil cope with any bad news after all you wil know him best. Children are tough and dont need wraping in cotton wool. My opinion only hun hope it goes well what ever you decide. x

 

[babyblessed]

with my second i waited till after my scan to tell my son who was 5 at the time, so i could show him the picture to help him understand but also to avoid explaining a loss from previous mc.

this time i ended up telling my eldest who is now 9 at about 8 weeks as he was so worried about me being sick he thought i was dying bless him.

my youngest knows but i dont think fully understands, he is 2 and a half.

hope this helps, but do what you feel is best for you, ifelt so sick this time i was more confident in this pregnancy...

 

[Lawhra]

My son was with me when I bought the pregnancy tests (long story behind that). I had hoped he hadn't noticed what I'd bought but when we left the chemist he said "so you might be a little bit pregnant then mummy" Ha ha ha. He is 8 btw.

I did the first test (pack of 2) whilst he was in the garden playing in the snow. He came upstairs very shortly after and I told him. He overheard me on the phone telling OH I was doing a second when I needed to pee again. My lovely boy proceeded to get me his freshly run cup of water so I would need to pee again and asked if he could be there when I did the second test. I said he could. So I went into the bathroom, peed in a cup then called him in to dip the stick (I did the dipping!) and watch the result together. It was a wonderful moment to see his excitement when he saw the line appear and yell "you're pregnant mummy!".
He is super excited and keeps trying to look after me

I know there is a risk, but everyone is different. Tell when you feel ready to.

 

[Lumboo]

Thanks for your replies everyone.

ProudMumtoOne - its funny you should post that as I ordered a pregnancy test in our weekly shopping but then ended up using an FRER at the weekend. I will have this test anyway, and was planning on testing on Saturday (which will be after my AF is due) and I was thinking of having him there to watch the result with me, as then he would feel part of it from the start. My son is the kind of kid that reacts better to stuff if he is involved with it; something a lot of Montessori educated children tend to be.

I understand what you are all saying about risks, but I guess we have them in our daily lives anyway. If things are meant to be they will be, and how cool will it be for him to think he was the one who confirmed presence of his sibling!

Also, it may stop him from headbutting me in the belly during playtime!

Thanks again for all your advice - I won't be making any firm decisions until the weekend, so really interested in what other people did. Xxx

 

[Lawhra]

It was wonderful sharing the experience with him, so I recommend it. It will be a special moment for you both forever Good luck, I really hope you get your positive.

 

[chelseaharvey]

My little boy since the age of 4 knew we were trying for another baby & the past 2 years has been on our TTC journey

From the age of 5 he would watch to see what happened to the PG tests & if we got 1 line or 2 he knew what it meant

He was with me when i got my BFP & saw the 2 lines, he knew as soon as i did that we were having another baby

 

[cowboys angel]

We told my 7 year old stepdaughter rather early. I had been down at college when I found out, and had a threatened miscarriage. At 10 weeks I dropped out of college after I was told I had to choose either college or my baby. She asked why I was back, and we kept saying cuz I was sick, cuz I was sick. Then one day I was having a rough day, cramps, felt sick, was curled up holding my stomach and she was like "Momma? Is your tummy okay?" I told her yes, my tummy was okay, but we would talk about it when Daddy got home.

When her dad got home, we sat, all 3 of us, and had a little chat. We explained to her that Momma was having a baby, but that the baby was sick and having some problems, so the doctors wanted me to be home where people could take care of me. At first I wasn't sure I wanted to tell her even that much, cuz she was (predictably) very excited about the baby, but I'm glad we did, cuz I have continued to have a lot of problems with this pregnancy and carrying to term, but she already knew the baby was 'kinda sick' so whenever we start having problems she just goes "Don't worry momma, my baby sister will be okay, and will be here to play with me soon." At one point we had to tell her that her baby sister might not be coming to play with her at all, and she said "I know we'll be sad, but then she can play with the Angels too!"

Such a sweet little girl.

We pretty much decided that honesty was the best plan (with age appropriate limits lol). If this was a normal, healthy pregnancy, I would've probably told her around 14-16 weeks, which is when my clothes started not fitting all that well.

 

[ChristinaRN]

I have 3 kids 9, 6 and 4 and we told them at 8 weeks (after a scan confirming a heartbeat). We explained to them though that it was VERY early and that life is very fragile and that something could happen. They of course are all very excited. My 4 year old asks me constantly when the baby is going to come out (due in June) and I have explained to her that if the baby comes out too early it will be too little to live and that it has to grow big and strong. She now proudly announces daily to her preschool teacher that the baby is STILL in my tummy growing so that he doesn't come too early and die. All of my children are VERY aware of how fragile human life is at every stage so I think that helped us in being able to tell them so early on.

 

[Kiddo]

We told Harvey pretty much straight away. He's only 17 months at the moment so doesn't really understand.

I don't know what I'd do if he was a bit older. I do like the idea of them sharing the experience of seeing the positive pregnancy test but on the other hand, 9 months is a long time to a child and they might get impatient. I suppose it all depends on the child.

I'm sure whenever you choose to let on will be right for your family.

 

[Lumboo]

We told Harvey pretty much straight away. He's only 17 months at the moment so doesn't really understand.

I don't know what I'd do if he was a bit older. I do like the idea of them sharing the experience of seeing the positive pregnancy test but on the other hand, 9 months is a long time to a child and they might get impatient. I suppose it all depends on the child.

I'm sure whenever you choose to let on will be right for your family.

Thank you - we are going to do the test tomorrow. I think these little tickers that you all have with the baby as a piece of fruit will get him excited, and he is one of these patient kids, so the wait will be fine. At least this way he will not be so rough in cuddles and will understand when I say my b*obs are hurting and he decides that moment to go for a tight hug! (ouch!)

As to whether things go wrong...well they could go wrong at any moment really, so today I feel we can't go through life constantly scared of what may happen. If you would have asked me yesterday I would have cried my eyes out - emotions all over the place right now.

I feel like I love you all for your support and advice!!! Hugs, Xxx