When Is It Safe to Tell?

[TheInnocent]

Hi. I'm Maddie, I'm 17 and just found out this week that I'm pregnant. Obviously I don't know what to do. My boyfriend knows and we are obviously going to have to tell my parents. I'm about 3 1/2 weeks because he and I have only been together once and I just. I don't want to tell my parents before I have to, in case something "happens" and I don't end up having the baby but they know I'm sexually active, trust issues, etc. So I want to avoid that if I can, but when is a "safe" time to tell, like far enough there isn't a big risk of miscarrying and end up bringing them this emotional turmoil for nothing. I'm not a dumb kid who just runs arond. I just feel guilty for doing this to them and want to avoid telling them until 1) I'm too far along to hide it or 2) I'm out of the woods and it's safe to tell.

What can I do to keep this pregnancy though? I take life very seriously, especially those of unborn children and this is for real now. I'm in the process of attempting recovery from a year long battle with Bulimia, and am so scared the baby is going to not be well. I just don't know. :/

My boyfriend is just scared at this point, but supportive. My parents are going to kill us. I know I would. I just *sigh*. Thanks for any answers/support

P.S. I understand the importance of having safe sex, waiting until I'm married or grown, etc. Too late for that now, but the only option I have now is to go through with this.

 

[butterflywolf]

It's purely up to you, but I do suggest you get in contact with your Doctor/OBGYN. First apt will be around 8 weeks and they may or may not do a scan at that point. Most places may not do a scan until 12 weeks.

Chances of miscarriage depends about 15-20% of all pregnancies end in a miscarriage. Most of them as chemicals. (Pregnancy that ends before 6 weeks). Chances of a miscarriage drop once you see the heartbeat which at that point drops down to 5%. And then once you are 12/13 weeks 1-3% chance.


Make sure you taking a prenatal (I buy the up and up brand from target).

I know it may be quite the scary time but the longest I would wait is the 6 weeks at least get out of the chemical danger zone. You need to make an apt sooner than later with your OBGYN and I'm assuming you are still on your parents insurance. I wish you the best of luck in everything. If you need someone to talk to I'm here.

 

[Sker]

Well, it's up to you honestly. But from what i've seen, most people from what i've seen tend to wait for either the 8 week mark or the 12 week mark. Best of luck hun!

 

[kdj0223]

I can imagine this is a scary experience. And please don't worry about being judged here. I'd certainly recommend contacting your OBGYN. To avoid the insurance fiasco, you may want to see if your local health department provides prenatal care. There is no doubt that this will likely change the relationship you have with your parents, but I'd tell them sooner than later. Granted, there will be an initial shock, but they too will realize that they can't "wish" a baby away and will eventually have to accept it. I truly wish you the best of luck. I will keep you in my prayers. And remember, at the end of the day and after all our faults, God will always love you. Take care!

 

[TheInnocent]

Thanks loves. And Yes I have some prenatals i used to take for my hair and such. I'm going to wait till 10 weeks to tell anyone. Just to make sure not not freak anyone out in case something happens. I have to really make an effort to take care of myself as me disordered eating gets the better of me ALOT. :/

 

[Nikoru0111]

You definitely won't be judged on here and you can always count on the ladies here for advice, support and kindness. There is another girl on the teenage parenting section of the forum going through what you are now. She is the same age as you. She has told her parents and working through things. Her name is Heather. It might be helpful to go take a look at her thread and perhaps she wouldn't mind you pming her for advice. You could probably help each other.

I would definitely look into getting some prenatals and if your parents find them and you aren't ready to tell them yet just say you read online that they were good for nail and hair health.

EDIT: Oh you posted just as I did. Sorry for repeating what you said.

 

[Nikoru0111]

This is the thread.

https://babyandbump.momtastic.com/teen-pregnancy/2234227-pregnant-older-guy-not-sure-do.html

 

[LadyBug923]

Congratulations Maddie! I don't think you have to worry about any judgement on this site, we are all positive and all of our goals are a healthy pregnancy and healthy baby! I personally waited until 8 weeks to tell the grandparents and waiting until 12-13 weeks to tell anyone else. But you may want to consider letting someone close to you know. Maybe someone who understands your eating disorder. This is a very stressful time for you, I'm sure, and it may help to have some support wherever you can get it. A counselor, close friend, family member? No matter what happens the important thing is your happiness and health and tho initially people might be shocked I'm sure they will be supportive and understanding. I'm always here to talk, feel free to message me! Congrats again and a happy healthy 9 months to you!

 

[george83]

If your worried about telling without needing too you could also look into the possibility of arranging a private scan for around 8 weeks. It obviously isn't a guarantee but if everything is ok at that stage your chance of mc will go right down. There is another thread at the minute discussing private scans so you could read that and see what other people are suggesting. Congratulations though, I hope you do get plenty of support

 

[JumpingIn]

Do you have anyone you can reliably lean on for these first few weeks should your symptoms get bad? Pregnancy is tough sometimes, often it's difficult to just get on with life as normal. You know where we are

 

[Leilani]

Hi - when you say you are 3 1/2 weeks pregnant, I'm guessing you mean it's been 3 1/2 weeks since conception, which would actually put you at more like 5 1/2 weeks pregnant, as pregnancy is dated from the first day of you last menstrual period. If nothing else you need to book in to see a medical professional (depends where you are as to who you see) and perhaps arrange an early dating/viability scan, then you and your boyfriend can decide how to proceed with telling your parents.

Good luck.

 

[TheInnocent]

Does anyone have advice on how to hide my growing belly? I would want to tell my family on New Years eve I think and have the fresh start for the year to put things behind us. But I'm paranoid of someone noticing my belly.

 

[butterflywolf]

Pregnancy bands, baggier shirts, just say you're getting fat since it's the holiday seasons with plenty of nummy goodness XD

Honestly I'm at the point where I am JUST starting to show (almost 11 weeks) and I can easily pass it off as extra flab. (This is my second child, 5th pregnancy).

Sounds like you have a good idea when to tell and I do hope it all goes well for you. In the mean time are you being seen by a doctor yet?

 

[heather2629]

You are very mature for your age, and I'm excited for you! It may be scary, but it's an exciting adventure. If you need anyone to talk to, don't hesitate to message me! Best wishes.

 

[LadyBug923]

sweatshirts and loose fitting sweaters. Good thing about winter is you won't look out of place wearing layers or loose fitting thicker clothes. No one will say anything especially if you live in a colder climate. What little bit might be visible through the sweaters hopefully people will pass off as holiday weight. Hoping things are going well for you! Stop by and update every now and again.