When to tell family?

[MummaBear16]

When did/will you tell your family and friends about ttc? When waiting to try, when ttc, or not until you're pregnant?

I think every friend and family member is going to be different for me! Trying to figure out when to tell who is tricky

 

[sweetysangel8]

I don't plan to tell anyone we are ttc just so we aren't being asked month to month if I'm pregnant yet. The plan is if we can keep it a secret, most won't even know I'm pregnant until I'm done with my first trimester. Our family knows we would like to try, but no one knows when.

 

[newlywed2013]

When we were ttc our first, only my parents and his parents knew, so it was a surprise for everyone else when we announced our pregnancy, which we did fairly quickly to close family and frienda

 

[kksy9b]

A couple of my best friends knew we were trying but everyone else we waited until we were pregnant to announce anything. If we had trouble I didn't want to get the "are you pregnant" questions. With the next one, a lot of people know we are trying next year but not exactly when. My cycles are all wonky still after DS recently weaning so I'm not positive we will be able to start when we plan.

ETA: while we opted not to tell people we were trying, we announced very quickly. We found out at exactly 4 weeks. DH told his entire work the next day (very small company who are all good friends) and I told my besties too. By the time I was 6 weeks our families knew. Over the next couple weeks we told other friends as we saw them. Once I had my first appt at 10 weeks, I told my co-workers and announced on FB. Even if it ended badly, I wanted to celebrate that baby as much as I could. Thankful we had a healthy baby in the end, but we will announce early with the next as well, no matter what may happen afterwards.

 

[bumblebeexo]

We didn't tell anybody we were ttc. It took us a year both times to conceive and I knew if people knew we were trying we'd be asked constantly so we decided not too. We didn't tell anybody other than my best friend before the 12 week scan that I was pregnant.

 

[fxmummyduck]

The first one we didn't tell anyone, we were waiting to get married and thought in we'll start ttc now thinking it would take us a few months at least to get pregnant and we fell really quickly! So not wanting to detract from the wedding we waited until after our 12 week scan to tell everyone!

This time around I have told my best friend we are wtt now and when we're going to TTC and if/when we get pregnant again I'll tell her...reason being, she has just started on iui then ivf will come after, so I don't want to spring news on her, we're really close so thought we'd share the journey. I might tell my mum and sister a bit earlier this time but wait again with everyone else.

 

[hanni]

We didn't tell anyone (apart from me telling my best friend but she doesn't really count!) We won't tell anyone next time either.

 

[bakedbean]

We won't be telling anyone until I'm 12 weeks However, i may HAVE to tell my employer as soon as i find out im pregnant, due to the nature of my job.

 

[awnmyown]

I'm usually the oddball in this conversation. I think that we live in a world that is more and more aware of the struggles families have with getting and staying pregnant. And that by making those closest to us aware that we are trying and that we want children as soon as possible, they're actually more sensitive and supportive. The hubs actually proclaimed at our wedding that we couldn't start making babies soon enough, and it actually was a wonderful thing. Our friends that would have gotten rid of their baby things are saving them in case we could use them. Those friends that struggled have stopped to tell us that it'll happen. Our parents actually give us zero pressure now; they know we're doing everything we can to get pregnant, and if we haven't made an announcement, there's no reason to bug us. They bugged us more before because they wanted a sense of *if* they'd get more grand kids. Having the reassurance that we're hoping to make that happen, they're content to sit back and await the surprise of our announcement.

My girlfriends that are also trying, have formed up a little support group. It helps. To have friends to cheer you up after a rough month. Wine and chocolate when AF shows up. Being able to discuss charts and plans and cheer each other on.

So I guess it all depends on how you feel about it all, and how the people around you tend to react. We're pretty small and tight groups, and it feels good to support each other since we're all in similar places in our life.

All that said, there are some people I don't and wouldn't tell. Co-workers. I have one that already tries to tell me when I can or can't get pregnant, and I'd rather keep up the impression I have no interest in kids, just so they'll lay off. And despite knowing it's 2015, sometimes I still feel like it could be a bit of a career hamper.

So pick and choose, but go with what's right for you. When we actually get our BFP, I think I'll let my besties know, and no one else until the 12 week mark. I think the hubs would probably tell his bests too, just for the support in case something goes wrong. As much as we support each other, guys understand guys and woman get woman better sometimes during these things.

 

[MummaBear16]

Some great reasons and advice, thank you

I don't know who I'll tell when I'm ttc! Probably my sisters, and bestie. I think parents and other relatives would be when I'm pregnant. I have no idea when I'll tell my employer though Any advice on that? My job is quite active, but shouldn't be dangerous, juts probably harder when I'd be heavily pregnant.

 

[kksy9b]

I would tell them before people begin wondering "is she pregnant?" There was a gal at my old job that didn't tell anyone until she was almost 6 months. People had been talking about it for a long time but she would never confirm. It made her seem stand offish about it and was hard for people to get into the pregnancy/talk about it.

 

[awnmyown]

I think it really depends on your work culture and the whole legalities of it. If you're in a position where you have no worries about job security, I don't think there's any reason why waiting until after the 12 weeks is a big deal. My first thought is that earlier then that makes it awkward if you have a MC. Not that it couldn't happen after 12 weeks, but the chances are lower and if it happens, you definitely will need some time off to recover (before 12 weeks, you might be able to just get away with basic sick time).

Personally, I work for the government and have no worries about how my boss would take the news as far as employment goes. But I'm a private person and don't really want the hassle of my co-workers poking and prodding, so I'd probably wait as long as possible (ie. When they start accusing me) to tell them. I'd tell my boss as soon as it felt right; certainly not much after 12 weeks that's for sure.