When to tell ppl we are expecting??

Discussion in 'Pregnancy After A Loss' started by Guppy051708, Jan 7, 2010.

  1. Guppy051708

    Guppy051708 2 by Sea 2 by Land

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    Hi ladies :hi:
    I know that when we tell people that we have a bun in the oven is completely up to us, however, since we all know what going through an MC is like (and im sure a lot of us told ppl we were expecting and then had the MC), when is an ideal time to tell people that we are expecting?

    Today we had our first scan (had spotting the day before confirming pregnancy this time and due to the MC last time) they wanted to do an early ultra-sound. The tech said the bean is healthy and had a good heartbeat at 139bpm. Do you think the chance of MCing again is "low enough" to tell people, or should we wait? When exactly is a "good time"? I've read many articles saying that if you hear a heartbeat than the chance of an MC is VERY VERY low, but experiencing an MC makes me a little uneasy. Though i am bubbling with excitement and eager to tell friends. Any ideas or advice?
     
  2. lauraperrysan

    lauraperrysan Mummy of 2!! :)

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    hi there, firstly sorry for your previous loss....it does somewhat put the fear into pregnancy!
    i wanted to wait until 20 weeks as i've had too many m/c and dont want to chance anything but my OH talked me into spilling the beans at after our 12 weeks scan as all our losses we're early and any loss after that time would be quite traumatic and would need lot's of support.
    So for me personally it will be around 12 / 14 weeks after my scan. Alot of women wait for this milestone. Yes ur m/c risk has dropped but how would u feel if it happened again and everyone knew? Would u be pleased to have their support or prefer to grieve alone?
    Hope u make the right decision for you xxxx
     
  3. LG1385

    LG1385 First Baby

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    Actually, it made me want to tell people MORE. When I was pregnant before, I hadn't told a soul, and then when lost the pregnancy and I needed a support system, or needed to explain to work why I wasn't there, I was wishing that they'd already known. This time, I told my family and a couple of close friends immediately, and work shortly after that. It made me feel like I wasn't worrying alone, and if something were to happen, I wouldn't have to explain myself.
     
  4. bky

    bky :(

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    This time we told MIL before 12 weeks but the rest of the family after. I told my boss after my 8 week scan, but no one else at work until 14 weeks.

    Last time we had told MIL and OH's grandparents before 12 weeks and I had told people at my gym as I was needing special training etc, and OH had told people at work. One of the worst things for me was dealing with people asking afterward.

    I'm not comfortable with my mother knowing even now as she has a tendency to be really awkward and would probably blame me and say hurtful things if anything happens this time. However, the rest of my side of the family is fine, but if I want them to know my mother will know.
     
  5. JASMAK

    JASMAK Mom of three

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    I am telling everyone after we see the heartbeat on the scan at 8 weeks.
     
  6. cleckner04

    cleckner04 Well-Known Member

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    Overall we didn't tell anyone till around 16 weeks. My parents knew and his parents knew but we didn't tell extended family until much later. It's a hard decision because you are excited and want to share the news but at the same time that fear is always in the back of your mind. :hugs: Good luck with your pregnancy hun!
     
  7. ellahstruts

    ellahstruts Well-Known Member

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    we havent told many people especially our children, we will tell people at 24 weeks xx
     
  8. Liz2

    Liz2 Well-Known Member

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    When I got pregnant after my mmc I didn't want to tell a soul until later on but DH wanted to tell anyone who would listen. He told all his family as soon as I got a postive test. As scared as I was, I didn't want to take that excitement away from him.
     
  9. beachlover1

    beachlover1 Pregnant and mummy of one

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    ill be telling, fingers, toes, arms and legs crossed,, all being well after my nuchal scan next week which will be 12 weeks!!

    Having had 2 MCs before this beany, since July I have told hardly anyone....not even my Mum and Dad!!!!

    I cant wait! xx
     
  10. Carmello_01

    Carmello_01 Grateful everyday

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    We'll be telling the general people in our life after the NT scan, which will be 12+5.
    My parents-in-law know,one of my sisters and my best friend. My boss guessed ( I work in catering and am normally a cheese fiend, the mouldier the better. She noticed I wasnt going near the staff and guessed. I didnt mind as she was a rock through my last miscarriage.)
    My parents live on the other side of the country, and didn't handle the last miscarriage well ( they were in the 'it's probably all for the best group'. Couldnt understand why I was so torn up. Go figure, they have 6 kids)
    Roll on Jan 20th...
     
  11. Guppy051708

    Guppy051708 2 by Sea 2 by Land

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    I bought a book today that said that if you hear a heartbeat at 8 weeks than you have a 95% "chance" of baby going full term. In other words the risk of a miscarriage drops to less than 5%. I get to go back to the OB on Tuesday (will be 8+1) so if we have a heartbeat then, i think we will tell people....though last time i didnt MC until 8+3, of course the baby stopped growing at 6+3 and thus far the bean is alive and well (as of 7+2) so this one is already a week ahead of the last one :thumbup:
     
  12. lauralora

    lauralora Well-Known Member

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    its a totally personal decison, depending on when it feels right. last time i told EVERYONE minutes after the positive and sadly m/c. this time i wasnt going to tell anyone until 12 weeks, but my mum knows me so well and she new something was up so i ended up telling her. didnt tell anybody else untill 9 weeks, but didnt tell friends and wider family untill 12 xx
     
  13. catfromaus

    catfromaus Mum to angel Aiden Lynne

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    for me, it was heartbreaking going through the miscarriage without people knowing that my baby had ever existed. I told people the week I got my bfp.

    Cat
    xxx
     
  14. Megg33k

    Megg33k Going with the flow!

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    I know I'm not there yet... but I intend to tell people as soon as I know again this time. I told them at about 4.5 weeks last time. I told them after the MMC news that I didn't intend to keep the next time a secret for any length of time either. They actually all said that they appreciated me wanting to tell them ASAP again. They would rather know and risk the heartbreak than to see me go through it all alone. I told them that if something happened again, then they had to suffer with me! Of course, I said it jokingly, but they agreed that it was better than facing it alone and would definitely want to know rather than be in the dark!
     
  15. doddy0402

    doddy0402 Mummy to 3!

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    I normally wouldn't plan on telling anyone until 12 week scan (except OH obv!)
    but a close friend of mine is now 7weeks and so I think I'm going to tell her too.
    I think personally it was easier for me to deal with my recent mc when no one else knew, because no one was treating me any differently, and I could grieve in private, but that was my personal choice, and each to their own!x
     

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