WHEN to try???

[myangel167]

SO im just hoping for some input, I would like to hear some of your thoughts on my situation...

I'm 25, and my husband is 27. We plan on buying our first home towards the end of this year or possibly early next year. He has a good stable job and I am in school still. (I got a late start in college) I'm going into my junior year of college next semester.

I was thinking we would start trying once I'm done with school. BUT, a family member of mine made a good point...I'm home most of the time now, because a lot of my classes can be taken online, and it would be easier to have a newborn/infant NOW while I'm in school and not as busy and tired, rather than when I start my career and will be working full time. Also, it's easier to put a toddler in daycare than a baby. (you dont stress so much about leaving them if you have to) and by the time I'd have a toddler, I'd be starting my career.


ALSO, yes, i know being a parent is difficult, stressful, incredibly exhausting, etc. But i also know how wonderful it could be. It has also crossed my mind that by the time I had a toddler I might want to start working on baby #2, which would be even more difficult. So...i'm just wanting to hear your thoughts. Especially if you already have children.

I think maybe I am just thinking this way to rationalize my baby fever or something...but it seems sort of true, right?

 

[Girly922]

I don't know how it works in the US as I don't you don't get the maternity leave and such that we have here but would you be allowed to continue with school straight after having a LO. Here you have to take a year, or at least a semester, out before returning to study.

Also, I know a lady who has a 6m old and is doing most of her course online. She is really struggling to get her assignments in. Her LO is a baby who wants to be held all the time, and for months wouldn't sleep anywhere but on her. It can be hard.

Saying all that, if you think you can get your school work done, then go for it! It'll be a lot easier, and cheaper, putting a toddler into childcare.

Personally, I wouldn't be able to manage school and a baby. But then I wouldn't be able to manage work and a baby, I wouldn't be able to leave her. I'd also recommend buying your house first, we started TTC the month after we bought our home and I'm glad we waited. Buying a house is stressful! It meant that we could get all the big jobs finished before the baby came.

Good luck whatever you decide

 

[Symphony7]

I personally wouldn't want to have a baby while in school. I know I would struggle to keep up with my coursework. I'm in a graduate program now and couldn't imagine taking care of a baby at the same time. Just taking care of my dogs is a lot of work and I can say no to them when I need to get stuff done. Can't do that with a baby.

 

[HKateH]

I can't imagine getting anything in the way of work done with a LO.

As a newborn: chances are they won't be put down. Ever. Also you'll be so tired your eyeballs will feel like they're going to fall out. If your baby has reflux like mine did, you will change their clothes about two hundred times daily!

After three months: this is a fussy stage. Unless you're lucky, they tend to fight naps and you spend your whole day trying to get them to sleep for forty minutes. Cat naps. Trust me - when that baby is finally napping, you'll only want to sit and nurse a cup of tea! They also can't do much at this age but like to be stimulated so they're not likely to sit and amuse themselves with toys whilst you work.

Six months: sitting up. Just. Not properly though so can only amuse themselves for a short time. You also have to start weaning which is messy so you spend your days cooking and cleaning. You could also have an early crawler ( I didn't, thank goodness) and then, well, good bye ever sitting down again!

Up to a year: busy little bee. Won't sit down. Might nap well now so you could get work done then, but you'll also need to wash, dress and eat. Plus babies' naps can't ever be counted on as, just when you're looking forward to one, bam, LO has dropped it!

 

[fxmummyduck]

Honestly, I would say after school. I signed up to an online course through coursera, it's more fun than serious but you get access to great lectures and articles, journals etc thinking it would keep my brain ticking over and interested in something...so far I've only managed to watch one week of the 8 week lectures, done no assignments or quizzes...and guess what, the course ended!

Add to this I have a very good baby and im lucky, and if I couldn't even manage a simple lecture course...I don't know how you'd do it! But that's for you to decide!

 

[Pearls18]

I REALLY don't recommend having a baby while you're still in college, I did my undergrad before having children and was half way through my masters (which is done distance learning at home) when DS2 was born, I discourage it for 2 reasons:

1) it is really difficult trying to get much done, not just physically but once you have got baby to sleep the last thing you want to do is study, all I want to do when DS is asleep is either sleep myself or watch some tv. I am so tired I forget what happened in the news last week, let alone have the mental capacity to write a coherent essay.

2) babies are only young once, you don't want to waste their baby months worrying about deadlines, constantly worrying about the work you have to do in the back of your head. I personally find working and having a young child a breeze, I get to go to work and have a bit of adult time, I get home and can switch off and enjoy my family (because thankfully I don't have a job that involves much stressing at home lol) but with studying it's always on the back of my mind, I feel guilty for the time I don't do something productive. I had my babies young, dS1 was a happy whoops but I really wish I had done my masters first. When I didn't have DS2 and DS1 was 2 studying was actually ok, I was very motivated, he went to nursery, I struck a good balance. But I couldn't do it with a baby, not even if it was just one.

I absolutely think it is doable, I have gotten really good marks in my masters because I am much more motivated than I was back in my undergrad, my marks don't suffer, the house doesn't suffer, and my family doesn't suffer, but what does suffer is my enjoyment of my children because I have got so much on my plate. I hand on heart say it would be much better for you to finish studying first, or in the very least for it to be finished when pregnant although you're then at the mercy of how good a pregnancy you have. I don't know when I will have the energy to start my studies again, but I hate the guilt I am currently racked with putting it on the back burner.

 

[staralfur]

I was in my third year when I had my LO and there is nothing easy about having a baby and going to school. My first semester back (a month after having LO), I took all of my classes online. And I ended up only finishing 1/4 classes. I've now had to push my graduation back over a year because I'm re-taking the classes I didn't finish, as well as the one I did finish but got a horrible grade in. My GPA dropped almost an entire grade point after having LO.

Even now it's a huge struggle. I can't get assignments or studying done when the mood strikes, I am limited to nap times and after she's in bed. There's nothing more frustrating than getting in the right mindset for schoolwork and then having to stop because your child is awake.

I will say that once I actually started going to campus when LO was about 5 months, things did get easier as I was able to dedicate that time fully to schoolwork. My LO was also very high needs and I imagine that contributed a great deal to me not having the time/energy required to do well in my classes those first few months. Unfortunately you have no way of knowing if your LO will take up literally 100% of your time and mental energy or if they'll be chill and let you get some other stuff done!