When your teenager says..........

[taperjeangirl]

deleted

 

[special_kala]

you could say that if she carrys on like she she will never get her stuff back. she will soon get bored

 

[taperjeangirl]

This is what I am thinking, but I am struggling keeping my calm with her.

When I ask her to do simple things like take her washing through, she is saying "NO! theres nothing else you can do to me if I dont"

 

[polo_princess]

Yeah try for a week/fortnight/month etc etc

Do you "ground" her?

 

[Jkelmum]

Tell her she will not be getting them back ever until she can treat you with respect x

 

[x-amy-x]

Tbh if shes acting like that about her washing ... stop washing her stuff til she puts it away dont let her win anyway!

 

[Freyasmum]

My friend took her daughter's bedroom door off - that was fairly effective (and stopped the slamming!)

 

[babe2ooo]

when she acts out u should ignore her she will hate that and just give up

 

[x-amy-x]

i wouldnt take her door off... stepping boundaries imo... growing girls need privacy

 

[louise1302]

im going through a similar thing and bran is only 12 when he gets to that point i switch off and if im really getting annoyed with him i sing a song, anything will do but swing ow sweet chariot seems to annoy him, then when he tells me to stop singing i carry on until hes a little mad then i stop and ask him if he likes me making him angry, he says no and i ask him if he thinks he should make me feel angry then he gets the hint most of the time and it usually ends up with us both laughing at my crap singing

with the jobs stuff i agree with what someone else said stop washing them she will soon change when she has nothing clean to wear, he went through a stage of refusing to bring hids washing down and i had to go hunting for his school uniform in his pigsty room i gave up looking but come the following weds when he had no clean uniform left he was fuming that he had to go in a dirty shirt
it took about 4 times of doing this but i get the uniform in the wash promptly now

hth x

 

[Rachiebaby24]

Just try and ignore her. Dont speak to her and dont ask her to do anything!!! If she has washing, leave it. If she cant bring it down herself, then it doesnt get washed. She should have the notion to do it herself anyway.

She is just testing to see how far you will go. Dont give in. But completely retract yourself from her. If she does ask you anything or give you lip, say Im not talking to you until you can be civilised and decent. Then we will discuss it. Unil then, im not interested. and walk away.

she will soon get bored of it.

 

[debra_ann1]

My teenager doesn't do this, but my TEN year old does! Boy does it drive me bonkers!

 

[Croc-O-Dile]

I feel very embarrassed here, but thought I might be able to give some good advice since I was that way. Not so much as a teen, but at 11/12 years old. My mom went bonkers trying to get me to listen. I already didn't have a door because I would push my dresser in front of it to avoid going to school. (Now we can look back on it and laugh, cause I really was an angry little thing) But at the time it was very stressful and my mom was at wits end.
She did what you did; took away EVERYTHING. I wasn't even allowed outside.

Eventually I did get tired of not having anything to do or wear. (because she also refused to do my laundry)
Here's a little inside tip: We really do think if we push hard enough and nag long enough, eventually you'll get tired and do what we want. Don't give in.
Just do exactly what these ladies are saying: Ignore her, don't do her laundry, ect. Act as if what she's doing doesn't phase you one bit. She'll get tired of it eventually.

Just a side note, and this probably isn't the case, but have you thought about having her hormone levels tested? I know it sounds silly because this is just "normal teenage behavior" but I had a hormone imbalance which cause me to be a very moody child. More than what's normal. And this is how it started, with outright defiance.

Another thing you might want to look into is putting her (and the whole family, cause it's healthy ) on Omega-3 supplements and fish oil (or flax seed if you're veg. like I was) They're really good for you and actually help A LOT with mood swings. I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality (kind of like Bi-polar, but medication doesn't help) and the only thing my doctor did was tell me to start taking Omega-3 and Flax Seed every day. I can't even explain the effect it had on me.

Good luck! xxx

 

[aob1013]

I'd say you have a week to prove yourself capable of giving me respect - or it goes on EBAY. And i would sure as hell mean it.

 

[AppleBlossom]

A good idea that I have heard hs worked is just leave her to it. Teens think they know everything, I know I certainly did. Don't ask her to do anything. Don't do anything for her. Don't wash her clothes, make her dinner etc leave her to fend for herself so to speak. She will soon get fed up and will realise that she isn't so big and clever after all and she will start to appreciate all the things you do do for her

 

[un1corn]

My 11yr old boy is like this.. we used to argue every day and he ended up losing everything and knew that I had nothing left to take so wouldnt behave anyway.

I told him that from now on rather than lose stuff for being an arse towards me he has nothing to begin with, and I mean nothing.. pc, xbox, ipod, phone he literally lost everything and had to earn stuff back by being polite and doing what he was told. He picked what stuff he got back and in what order but the rule was he got one thing back per week of good behaviour but just one moment of crap from him meant it all was taken away again.

He lived in dirty clothes for about 2 weeks cause I refused to do his washing if he wouldnt bring it down (he still does sometimes) and if he is so big and clever and doesnt have to do what he is told then I dont need to look after him which included cooking meals.. 3 weeks on microwave pizza sharp sorted that one out!!

We still have relapses but mostly ok now.. hth

 

[charlotteb24]

With my 17 year old step son, his dad stripped his room down to his bed only and took away all of his clothes apart from his school uniform and made him stay in his room! After a week he got bored and conformed, unfortunatly he's still just as badly behaved at times as he was at 12 when he did this to him! You'd think he'd learn! Lol!

 

[Sophie1205]

I agree with the laundry thing. When I was like this my mum didnt stop washing my clothes but she didnt fold them nice and neat like everyone elses. She just dumped them in a pile for me to put away and didnt pair my socks like she did for everyone else. And tbh, it hurt me and made me realise what she did for me xx

 

[KrisKitten]

i hope you dont mind me responding, answering as a teen not a parent
Iv always been brought up to be respectful, and tbh when i did do things wrong i was only ever being punished for doing whatever i did - that entailed being grounded, having my stuff taken away etc.
It sounds to me like she needs her attitude sorting, rather than individual cases of wrong doing iykwim? I had friends like this, with lovely parents they insist on being horrible to. It wound me up something rotten, and i felt for their parents. Taking stuff away was always there first trick as well. Kinda if you are gonna do things to make me unhappy im gonna do stuff to make u unhappy - well thats how it comes across.
Unfortunatly from everything iv seen that just introduces a tit-for-tat kinda relationship...always trying to get one over on the other. It makes the teen feel like they have to 'win'
Have you tried talking to her? Asking her why she cant understand the concept of respect and explaining that its not fun for you to take her stuff away. Im sure in your ideal world everyone in your household would be able to do the things they want to and be happy - its not fun for you to have to punish, u gain nothing from it.
Manners and respect arent about someone being subservient to someone else - they are about wanting others to be comfortable in your company/
Try explaining she would deserve respect herself if she could learn the concept of it to others.
Sorry if youve already tried all that, im here if you ever want the teens perspective.
Big tho, it cant be fun dealing with a bag or hormones that doesnt know how to control them yet
Dw, one day shell grow up and both of you will laugh at these arguments xxxxx

 

[KrisKitten]

Eventually I did get tired of not having anything to do or wear. (because she also refused to do my laundry)
Here's a little inside tip: We really do think if we push hard enough and nag long enough, eventually you'll get tired and do what we want. Don't give in.

lmao, too true xxx