Whether to tell estranged sister I am pregnant?

[victoriav]

I've had a rocky relationship with my sister for some time now, but it's got progressively worse over the last 5 years, to the point where I haven't seen her or heard from her since August 2009. I won't go into the gory details, but safe to say, she wrecked my self esteem over a course of years, was physically and emotionally abusive and generally an emotional vampire, expecting my role as a younger sister to be there when she wrecked relationship after relationship and had crisis after crisis.

My Mum hasn't heard from her since December 2010 either.

She doesn't know I am pregnant. I've never really held the belief that blood is thicker than water; if someone's cruel, then the fact that they are related to you is by the by. However, there is something nagging at me saying it's a bit weird that she doesn't know I am pregnant. My Mum won't tell her, but I don't know whether to drop her a text saying I am expecting, at the risk of stirring up old resentments and arguments, or not. I am not on facebook and other than my Mum, don't have any other familiy members or friends in common that she speaks to, so chances are she won't find out at all.

Do I just leave it and maybe in years to come she will get her introduction to her niece/nephew if we ever see each other again, or do I let her know?

I am a bit torn. Any thoughts or perspectives would be most appreciated ladies.

 

[leahsbabybump]

personally i would say that if she is so destructive and caused so much hurt in your life then i wouldnt bother for the simple fact i dont think i would want them in my babys life anyway and like you say you havent spoken to her for 3 years so unless you want to reconcile your relashionship with her i myself wouldnt say anything xx

 

[MoonMelody]

I am estranged from my sister as well, also since 2009. She knows that I'm pregnant, and apparently is freaking out about it.

 

[bobblebot]

if there is a 'benefit' of some form in doing so, do it...if however there is a chance it could stir a hornet's nest and be a catalyst for any stress, resentments, arguments etc then i would leave it.

ask yourself what would it possibly change in telling her? and if the changes err more on the side of possible bad consequences then why cause you and your family potential problems.

 

[ShireLass]

My brother lives in the house nextdoor (we share a wall in fact) but he hasn't been speaking to me for the last 2 years and acts like I don't exist any more.

We invited him to our wedding still, which he declined, and I'm intending to post a pic of baby through once he/she is born, with a note telling him he has a niece or nephew, then I'll carry on ignoring him. It's up to him if he wants to know us.

victoriav - I'd leave it till babies here if she doesn't find out sooner, you don't want her showing up and stressing you out while you're pregnant.

 

[Tommee]

I also agree that blood isn't thicker then water, I think sometimes our hormones can make us not think straight, once you've told someone something remember you can't take it back. Could you be opening old wounds?

DH hasn't even told his parents I'm pregnant and I'm due in less then 4 weeks. They don't give a toss about our DS so what would be different about this one?

Maybe wait until your baby us here then see how you feel?

 

[ChristinaRN]

Sounds like you could open up a whole world of hurt by telling her. Honestly, it doesn't sound like there is any benefit in telling her, and only the potential of causing yourself a lot of stress. I'd decline from contacting her.

 

[victoriav]

Thanks so much for your thoughts ladies. You've confirmed what I was already thinking. I don't need added stress when I am pregnant and I can't see that this would cause anything but. It's also reassuring to know that I am not the only one who comes from a complicated family!

Really appreciate your words xxx