who will be at your baby's birth?

[rubygirl01]

I plan to have my hubby and mom as well as one of my friends. She is going to be there to get pics after i have her. This is our only girl and i want a pic of hubby holding his daughter for the first time, as well as when our boys come in the room after she is born i want those first pics. Then she will will prob hold her and leave. i am allowed 4 people in the room and only plan to have 3.

 

[Mary Jo]

I kind of wish I could have an experienced friend with me, someone who'd done an epidural-free natural birth and who I wasn't shy around, but I don't have anyone, and I don't really want to hire a doula. I said I didn't really mind if my husband wasn't at the birth (if he has to look after our son) and that's because I didn't think he was all that much help when I had Adam. (I'd never deny him the experience of seeing his child come into the world, though.) Part of the problem was that I was in early labour by myself overnight on the antenatal ward and the staff sent him home. That was when I really needed him, or someone, to get me through, keep me going, buoy me up. As it was after hours all by myself in pain, with no support, I just wanted it to be over, and I requested an epidural. This isn't something I regret, really, it was the right choice for me at the time, but if I was to do it over again I would like someone else's support to push on through. Thing is, my husband loved the epidural because it meant I wasn't a screamer, and I was no bother to him, so I don't think he'll support me if I choose not to have one. He thinks, why suffer if you don't need to? I hope this time for things to progress faster so it's not an option.

My OH would really have liked for me to get an epidural as well, because he was SO freaked out that I was in pain and was just stressing me out so much. He was 5h away when I went into labour so didn't get there until things were really moving, so he was a wreck and not helpful at all.

I feel the same - I would rather he wasn't there really as it was harder for me, but I will not tell him he can't be there. He is thinking of updating people and doing other things while I labour and coming in for the pushing only actually - which I am ok with as it will let me focus more on what I'm doing and not worry about him.

But this is the reason we are considering a doula - I had a student with my last labour who was a rock and with me every second! It was amazing as she had children and had been at many births so she wasn't freaked out about birth stuff (blood, pain, weird noises, etc ) I don't think I would have had the birth I wanted without her. So this time I am going to hire a doula! I need that rock - and it is much better for me if they aren't friends/family.
Her job is to help me through no matter what - whereas with friends/family it can get weird.

Hugs! xxx

thanks Sun, you've actually made me start thinking about a doula and doing a bit of googling... I wish it was an option but I can't see my husband agreeing to having a stranger at the birth. If I decided it was something I wanted, I'd have to really pick my moment to bring up the idea because he's someone who makes a snap decision and then refuses to shift on it, or if he does it is with very bad grace. The ideal would be if, say, a friend of his's wife had used one and had found it helpful, he's much more easily persuaded about things if one of his friends recommends it. Like the NCT - we didn't join or go on a course, but a while after Adam was born, my husband met with a friend who had, and he was full of praise for the friends they'd made and how they all get together regularly. If *I'd* suggested it I'd not have got far but because someone else did...

it would be easier if he didn't want to be there but of course he does.

it was actually a student midwife who delivered Adam, and I was fine about having students around - because I always think you find out more about what's really going on because the qualified people often explain things to the students.

problem in the UK is that unless you have a home birth or an epidural, you don't have a midwife with you the whole time. but if you have an epidural it seems they are only there to monitor you and baby medically speaking and to get you through the birth, because obviously so far as the contractions etc go, if the epidural works you don't need anyone to support you emotionally and practically through the dilation. and that was where I wanted the support (before I had the epi, that is).

something tells me this is a thing I won't get my own way over. he'd never agree to a planned home birth (so it's a good thing I don't really want one either). not sure how keen he'd be on a water birth either. think he just wants me to grit my teeth till 4cm and then have the epi again! meh.

I'd never want family there, for some reason the thought of my mother being with me - close though we are - makes me shiver!

 

[SmartieMeUp]

My OH, his mum, and maybe my mum if she can be bothered to turn up/make the effort to see me.

 

[Lizzy7]

OH and my mom. I can't stand the thought of anyone else in there during the birth.

 

[DMG83]

just dh in the room. Mum dad and niece will be first in to see LO after - his parents and rest of friends/fam will be waiting til we're home and settled.. that is if LO decides to come on time, if she comes early, well MIL and FIL decided to book themselves a holiday from the 20th til 31st so they won't be seeing her til they get back - fine by us!!! secretly this is what we're hoping for!

 

[Sammiesfirst]

my oh and i havent decided who else.

 

[AmyR]

My last pregnancy I had my Mom, Mother-in-law and sister watch her be born! OH and husband (at the time).

This time probably my husband and my Mom.

 

[Mocha_Baby XD]

My OH, my sister (who is to be babys godmother =]), My aunt (who has been my support person through pregnancy), and maybe a midwife student ^^

 

[Kasia]

I'm so glad you posted this thread. I want my oh there but he says if he can't get the time off work i'll have to get someone else. All my family live in a different town so I can't ask them but I don't really want the mil or sil there cos they'll annoy me. Do you think it's reasonable for me to ask my oh to check with his boss that when I go into hospital he should be aloud to leave work to support me? Sorry for the length but I really want it just me and him.

I don't see that as being an unreasonable request. I would definitely ask for my husband to take the time off work!
In response to the original ? I think it will just be my husband and I & possibly my mom. She is such a worry wart but hubby freaks out during situations that involve me & pain so I think my mom will be great help.

 

[ahcigar1]

Doctors of course and my Husband. That is all. Then after baby is done with all the examination etc I want to have a few moments of just the two of us with no doctors or nurses or anything, before start to bring people in from the waiting room.

 

[babyhopesxx]

My oh and my mum my mum was with me when i had my son and she was a great help. She's been through it 3 times before and doesn't get freaked out with this sort of thing. My oh wants to be there but i'm not sure how he will cope coz he doesn't like hospitals, or pain, or blood, or anything else medically related

 

[firsttimer87]

I'm so glad you posted this thread. I want my oh there but he says if he can't get the time off work i'll have to get someone else. All my family live in a different town so I can't ask them but I don't really want the mil or sil there cos they'll annoy me. Do you think it's reasonable for me to ask my oh to check with his boss that when I go into hospital he should be aloud to leave work to support me? Sorry for the length but I really want it just me and him.

I don't see that as being an unreasonable request. I would definitely ask for my husband to take the time off work!
In response to the original ? I think it will just be my husband and I & possibly my mom. She is such a worry wart but hubby freaks out during situations that involve me & pain so I think my mom will be great help.

Kasia - i dont see how work can refuse him time off for the birth of his child. Its totally unreasonable. Has he actually asked work what their stance on this is?x

 

[babydustcass]

My OH and my mum just like with my son. My OH is great in labour but my mum was really the rock I needed. I had a very long labour, 36 hours established and just gas and air all the way, if she werent there Im sure I would have crumbled to forms of pain relief I firmly didnt want in the beginning. We now live 180 miles from her, so she has some travelling to do to get here in time but I dont think she would want to miss it anyway, and I know I need her there again. OH got a little overwhelmed last time bless him and I think he needed my mum there just as much as me hehe

 

[heather91]

Just OH for me and I wouldn't mind even if I was on my own. I hate being bothered and fussed over when im in pain! X

 

[SatansSprite]

Just my OH for me. If his mom offers (which I doubt, since she's likely going to be the one watching my son) or even his sisters, Id accept the offer. No way anyone from my family though, they'd stress me out more than anything else. Oh and his family though are a GREAT support, so, OH for sure and if I get offered from anyone in his family, but this is unlikely due to them having their own families, but, I guess time will tell.

 

[Zooy]

Hubby and my mom. Dad and my mother in law want to wait in the waiting room.

 

[amerikiwi]

For my first birth, I had me, DH, my mother-in-law and my step-mother-in-law. Father in law was around the hospital but had excused himself by the time the real action started--although he did open the door right as DD was crowning and asked "anyone want a tea". LOL.

Having family that had been through childbirth greatly helped my DH. When I was swatting him away for rubbing my back the wrong way, one of my MILs would find just the right spot to rub my back then let DH have a go again. DH admitted after the birth that he thought about asking me if I wanted an epi, but since no-one else said anything about it, he realised I was coping fine and didn't say anything (he knew before that I didn't want one). For most of the time, I was off in my own world, and they reassured him that I was doing great. Basically, they kept him from trying to be "helpful" when it was not needed, and helped know how to be helpful when it was needed. Honestly I think he would have been lost without their coaching. With a little coaching and support, he was absolutely brilliant.

As for the actual delivery, I am naturally a very shy person, yet you could have brought in the BBC, a marching band, a tour of school kids, etc. and I wouldn't have cared.

 

[Makena29]

Right now I only want my OH there (in addition to my midwife, of course) during the business part of the birth. I'll probably want my mom, grandmother, and dad around during the early part of labor (unless it's 2:00 am), but when things really get moving I just want it to be my OH and I.

 

[Makena29]

I'm so glad you posted this thread. I want my oh there but he says if he can't get the time off work i'll have to get someone else. All my family live in a different town so I can't ask them but I don't really want the mil or sil there cos they'll annoy me. Do you think it's reasonable for me to ask my oh to check with his boss that when I go into hospital he should be aloud to leave work to support me? Sorry for the length but I really want it just me and him.

It is totally unreasonable (and probably illegal in the UK) for your OH's boss to keep him from the birth. He should absolutely talk with his boss about this beforehand. Do you know how your OH feels about being there for the birth? If he's hesitant to talk to his boss, you might ask your OH if there's more to it. Perhaps he's worried about being at the birth and wants to use work as an excuse not to be there. Some men are really squeamish and birth, and he might think that using work as an excuse will protect your feelings.

 

[Rhiana79]

Just me and OH. My is stating once she knows I'm in labour she is dropping everything and driving the 100 miles from her place to the hospital.
Nothing I say will stop her, despite me possibly being in labour for hours and the fact I don't actually want her in the delivery room with me.
She just keeps telling me I'll change my mind by then and will want her in with me. I can guarantee I won't, she'd annoy the hell out of me.