why am I crying?

[lola]

So sorry but I really just need to know I am not losing my marbles. I had an early miscarriage last month and I know I should be okay but this will make my 3rd 'chemical' pregnancy, I really hate that phrase sorry. For some reason it seems so hard this month and I can't stop crying I have been so okay all month and now waiting for AF to arrive I can't stop crying, I want my baby so badly it is tearing me up inside, I am scared of AF as it will only remind me and yet I want it to come so its over.

I don't know why I am crying so much tonight it just seems so silly as I know so many people have such awful losses but I feel like the past few years of TTC has flattened me. I just want my babies.

Anyway sorry again to blub here but I didn't know where or who to say this to x

 

[Vickie]

Don't know what to say but I am so sorry for your losses. Have you looked at Wobbles's story or spoken to her? She suffered from recurrent chemical pregnancies before having her daughter

 

[Waiting2bMommy]

Im so sorry your so sad, every time I see sad people on this site I just want to give them big bear hugs. So sending you lots of hugs!!!

 

[todteach]

I'm so sorry hun. Sending you big . I had a missed miscarriage in May of this year. Sadly it still tears me up inside too. I'm so sorry that you are going through this. If I can be of any help to you, please let me know.

 

[Shazzy]

Any time you need to talk just give a shout.

 

[Loo]

I am sorry for your loss(es) too. You aren't losing your marbles...just grieving and thats perfectly normal.

You dont have to feel that you should 'be okay' - its still early days.

Hugs and best wishes x

 

[lola]

Thank you so much for your messages, I won't say its nice to be understood because I wish more than anything that none of you ladies, or for that matter anyone at all in the world had to experience loss of a baby or the inability to have a child. But thank you sooo much for being so kind, you are wonderful wonderful people

 

[JASMAK]

When I read your post, I had a feeling that you feel that you should be "over it" by now. Let me read to you a passage in my m/c book:
The book is called: miscarriage, why it happens and how best to reduce your risks.
By Henry M. Lerner, MD, OB/GYN

It says, "It's awful whether your miscarriage occurs in the first trimester, as most miscarriages do, or in the second, after you may have already started to show and feel the baby move. No matter how far along you are, whether it's your first child or your fourth, or whether you have allowed yourself to become attached to your baby or tried very hard not to, experiencing a miscarriage can be a devastating blow that causes intense emotional anguish, sadness, and grief. A miscarriage is not just the death of a fetus; it is the loss of a dream."

This book actually talks alot about recurrent m/c (three or more in a row-this includes so-called "chemical pregnancies", which are m/c too), as well, as emotional issues with it, and treatment options. I highly recommend this book to anyone who has suffered at least one m/c, espesially those who have suffered many.

Anyways, my point is, no matter how early you lost your pregnancy, do not deny yourself the time to grieve, or deny yourself the feelings you have for the pregnancy you lost. I did that with my first m/c, and it really snowballed for me. There is just so long that you can hold it in. You have to let yourself to experience those raw feelings to heal. It takes time too. In this book, it says it is usually months before a woman really begins to deal with it, because before the grief, there is usually shock and anger and denial.

If you ever want to talk, PM me.

 

[lola]

When I read your post, I had a feeling that you feel that you should be "over it" by now. Let me read to you a passage in my m/c book:
The book is called: miscarriage, why it happens and how best to reduce your risks.
By Henry M. Lerner, MD, OB/GYN

It says, "It's awful whether your miscarriage occurs in the first trimester, as most miscarriages do, or in the second, after you may have already started to show and feel the baby move. No matter how far along you are, whether it's your first child or your fourth, or whether you have allowed yourself to become attached to your baby or tried very hard not to, experiencing a miscarriage can be a devastating blow that causes intense emotional anguish, sadness, and grief. A miscarriage is not just the death of a fetus; it is the loss of a dream."
Anyways, my point is, no matter how early you lost your pregnancy, do not deny yourself the time to grieve, or deny yourself the feelings you have for the pregnancy you lost. I did that with my first m/c, and it really snowballed for me. There is just so long that you can hold it in. You have to let yourself to experience those raw feelings to heal. It takes time too. In this book, it says it is usually months before a woman really begins to deal with it, because before the grief, there is usually shock and anger and denial.

If you ever want to talk, PM me.

Wow that is incredibly kind of you I appreciate that so much. I think you have hit the nail on the head! I feel I should be over everything by now, and yet I feel so desparately sad for the times I have not been able to conceive and the times I have and have lost. The thing is a few months ago I would have been so incredibly happy to know I can conceive and yet now when I know I can, the fear of not being able to hold on to a child hurts more. Crazy but I guess like you say its the loss of the dream, the dream that felt like it could maybe become a reality.

Thank you so much

 

[honeybunch2k7]

You have not lost your marbles at all. You have every right to be sad.

 

[applegirl]

lola honey - don't you go feeling one bit bad about feeling down or crying. It is perfectly normal - and healthy to grieve your losses. I am sending you a big and hoping for a really sticky bean for you soon. x

 

[Sambatiki]

I dont think you ever 'get over' the loss. You just learn to live with it better. Give yourself time and try and stop being so hard on yourself. BIG

 

[chrissie33]

The thing is a few months ago I would have been so incredibly happy to know I can conceive and yet now when I know I can, the fear of not being able to hold on to a child hurts more.

I know what you mean honey, when I lost my first one, I did take some solace in the fact that at least I could concieve after almost 2 years of trying and not succeding in getting BFP but now it really doesnt help at all as I have been unable to carry a successful pregnancy..... I truly believe though that we will have our dream hun... its something I am holding onto

Give yourself a break hun and let yourself grieve, its completely natural to be upset about it xx