Why did you decide to have your baby so young?

[bellexx]

So I've just told my mum I'm pregnant...
Scary times.
And although she has told me she will support me whatever I decide to do, she thinks it's best I don't go through with it and she's asked me why I want to.
But seriously, the only reasons I can think of is "because it feels right" and "I'll feel guilty if I don't". I dunno, for some reason it just feels selfish to consider not having it.

Sooo many reasons why I SHOULDN'T-
I could finish my education and go on to do the course I have applied for
I don't have a boyfriend, never have, and the chances will probably decrease a lot when I have a baby
Would have to rely on my parents for a while
I'm not sure who the dad is (added stress)
Would have to give up my extremely fun and reckless lifestyle which I LOVE

But the fact remains, for some reason, I want my baby!!
And I don't know why...

So I thought I would ask, anyone else who is having an unplanned baby, what are your reasons for going ahead with it and devoting your life to some one else, when you could be having fun?


If anyone is/ was in a similar situation- i.e. no OH, unplanned baby, wasn't sure whether to keep it or not, please PM me I would love to talk to you about it cos I'm so stressed out

 

[KateyCakes]

Hi honey. Firstly congratulations on your pregnancy. I'm Katey, I'm 18 + I'm currently 24 wks pregnant with a little girl.
I'm not in your position because we tried for our baby but I still gave up my partying + going out because I knew we were ready to have a child.
Half of the friends I had, now only talk to me when they want to know if what sex baby is or what her name is.
I think they're a little intimidated + don't know how to act around me, but I wouldn't change my situation.
It makes you realise who your true friends are.
Plus, after baby is here, you could still go out now + again when you have a babysitter
+ you have the added bonus of someone loving you + adoring you always!!

You have to weigh up + decide what is right form you Good luck

 

[JWandBump]

hey I'm 19 and my baby was unplanned.. I admit I thought about all my options because my OH diddnt want to go throught with it at the time for reasons like money, where would we live, age, etc.. but I was screaming inside I want my baby!! So glad I didn't let anyone change my opionion. It took time to get used to but now my OH is so happy and glad we kept her we've just bought our first house together, so everythings worked out well. Xx

 

[bellexx]

hey I'm 19 and my baby was unplanned.. I admit I thought about all my options because my OH diddnt want to go throught with it at the time for reasons like money, where would we live, age, etc.. but I was screaming inside I want my baby!! So glad I didn't let anyone change my opionion. It took time to get used to but now my OH is so happy and glad we kept her we've just bought our first house together, so everythings worked out well. Xx

that's good to hear. cos everyone is saying "get an abortion" and even i'm telling myself that but i just can't do it!! i can't even think about it but it's such a massiiiive thing arghh. i wish i even had an OH would make it so much simpler but i don't

 

[holly2234]

Sooo many reasons why I SHOULDN'T-
I could finish my education and go on to do the course I have applied for
I don't have a boyfriend, never have, and the chances will probably decrease a lot when I have a baby
Would have to rely on my parents for a while
I'm not sure who the dad is (added stress)
Would have to give up my extremely fun and reckless lifestyle which I LOVE

1. You can finish your education. There are things in place to help you do so if you go to your local Connexions office they will help you figure it out.

2. You dont need a boyfriend to be happy! Also you will eventually have one when the time is right. Theres no rush.

3. Your parents have already said they would support you right? You will be able to get certain benefits to help you out too.

4. All you can do on the dad situation is wait until after the birth for a paternity test.

5. The lifestyle you think is fun right now will probably not be fun forever. There are many ladies on here who have said their baby has saved them from going down a very wrong path and are thankful for that.

Good luck whatever you decide

 

[JWandBump]

hey I'm 19 and my baby was unplanned.. I admit I thought about all my options because my OH diddnt want to go throught with it at the time for reasons like money, where would we live, age, etc.. but I was screaming inside I want my baby!! So glad I didn't let anyone change my opionion. It took time to get used to but now my OH is so happy and glad we kept her we've just bought our first house together, so everythings worked out well. Xx

that's good to hear. cos everyone is saying "get an abortion" and even i'm telling myself that but i just can't do it!! i can't even think about it but it's such a massiiiive thing arghh. i wish i even had an OH would make it so much simpler but i don't

Having a OH made it worse for me, he said if i kept he he would leave me, i was runing his life, things like that.. He kept on at me to ring up to book a abortion, i honestly diddnt know what to do. It felt like one way or the other i was going to lose someone i loved.
I almost went throught with one tho but they gave me a scan to see how far along i was (about 6weeks) and i saw my baby on the screen, only a little black blob then but i ran out of that place as fast as i could! No one was going to take my baby after that..

We did split up for about a month but i was so relived i still had my baby.. he came to the 12 week scan and i could see it in his face how he felt really. We got back together after that.

Add me on here if you ever want to talk, i know this is a touchy subject for some people xxx

 

[vinteenage]

There wasn't any other option for us in our minds, unless something happened horribly financially to our families where we couldn't live with them, then we'd have opted for adoption.

 

[MoonLove]

We planned our babe (i was 19, now 20 - husband is 24). We're not in a fantastic situation, but we can happily bring a baby into the world and love and care for it. We have great support from my family & we're doing alright

I always wanted to be a younger mom, i felt sometimes distant from my own mom because she was so out of touch with everything. I don't want to be this old mom who has no clue about what music/style/clothes my children are into, it affected our relationship alot when i was a kid - and i felt she made no effort to just try and be friendly with me. I want my children close together (at least 3 kids) and i think they will appreciate the fact we are younger parents. xx

 

[LFrancesca]

Heyy i'm 18, 12 weeks pregnant and i'm no longer with the dad. I'm keeping it because I already love it so much but at first I did have some doubts that i'd be able to cope and whether I was doing the right thing keeping it.
But if you want to keep it, don't let anyone change your mind.

 

[Char.due.jan]

My pregnancy was unplanned and at first I did freak out I went to 3 appointments in total for an 'a' but just couldn't go through with it, and I didn't even look at LO on the screen! In my opinion your education will be affected much greater by your reckless lifestyle than having a LO. Like another poster said (don't know who I apologise I'm on my iPhone) having a LO often stops people from going down the wrong path and makes you more determined. I know for a fact I wouldn't of put as much effort into college than I have now I'm pregnant. It's really opened my eyes and made me' want to do well x

 

[bellexx]

thanks guys. i don't know if it's just me but it all seems you are in much better situations than me.
my friend invited me out last night and i hadn't seem her in agess so i decided to go. i went to a few bars with her and other people i used to go to school with. i didn't drink anything and went home quite early but i felt so depressed i thought i was gonna break down. it's situations like that that really make me doubt having the baby. but that's why i feel so selfish because it's not the babies fault he was made, why can't i just grow up for him??
but it seriously makes me just not want to go out because it gets me down too much seeing everyone else have fun and doing what they like with no cares in the world. it's seriously such a difficult situation to be in and i swear no one else understands i can't NOT socialise because i'm a very social person and with no OH i get lonely v easily, and if i don't see my friends i can't get depressed quite easily. but even just going out till 11 last night made me exhausted and i dunno the whole stress of this is just TOO MUCH :'(

 

[holly2234]

Everyone on here has a different situation of some sort. Some have good situations now but didnt in the beginning, they have just made the best of what theyve got. You can still see your friends all you want but possibly in a different way such as lunch out or trips to places of interest rather than bars. That way you wont feel left out.

 

[Char.due.jan]

If you really don't want to give up your lifestyle then maybe adoption is a choice for you? It's an amazing thing to do and would give a family something they want so greatly. But if you want LO then you'll just have to grow up a little bit. You will still be able to socialise through your pregnancy but maybe ask your friends around yours or suggest doing things during the day so you're not around people drinking. Maybe telling a close friend you're pregnant would help?

 

[bellexx]

If you really don't want to give up your lifestyle then maybe adoption is a choice for you? It's an amazing thing to do and would give a family something they want so greatly. But if you want LO then you'll just have to grow up a little bit. You will still be able to socialise through your pregnancy but maybe ask your friends around yours or suggest doing things during the day so you're not around people drinking. Maybe telling a close friend you're pregnant would help?

i really don't think adoption is an option. because even if i did do that i would still have to give up raving and everything for 7 1/2 more months for nothing good to happen in the end. and i wouldn't be able to go through making a beautiful baby just for it to go to someone else.

yeh i've told a few friends and they're supportive but they don't understand.

 

[vinteenage]

i really don't think adoption is an option. because even if i did do that i would still have to give up raving and everything for 7 1/2 more months for nothing good to happen in the end. and i wouldn't be able to go through making a beautiful baby just for it to go to someone else.

yeh i've told a few friends and they're supportive but they don't understand.

Eventually, nothing good is going to come from raving.

I do think you're being petty and selfish here. You chose to have sex with two different guys. You chose to not cover yourself with better protection. You are making the right decision to keep this baby inside of you, however...7 1/2 months is nothing in the scheme of your life. If you give the baby up for adoption you can go right back to your old lifestyle if you choose. If you keep the baby, you have 18 years of having to act like an adult and raise another human being.

If you think you can't cope without partying for years, I hope you seriously consider adoption.

 

[bellexx]

i really don't think adoption is an option. because even if i did do that i would still have to give up raving and everything for 7 1/2 more months for nothing good to happen in the end. and i wouldn't be able to go through making a beautiful baby just for it to go to someone else.

yeh i've told a few friends and they're supportive but they don't understand.

Eventually, nothing good is going to come from raving.

I do think you're being petty and selfish here. You chose to have sex with two different guys. You chose to not cover yourself with better protection. You are making the right decision to keep this baby inside of you, however...7 1/2 months is nothing in the scheme of your life. If you give the baby up for adoption you can go right back to your old lifestyle if you choose. If you keep the baby, you have 18 years of having to act like an adult and raise another human being.

If you think you can't cope without partying for years, I hope you seriously consider adoption.

that was a bit blunt since u don't know me...
i think i need to get used to the shock of my life being completely turned around.
all i was saying is that if i would be able to do it for nearly 8 months, i'll be able to do it forever and be a responsible mum. i am not going to consider adoption.

 

[Pole Kitten]

I'll respond to this one, I'm 29 but this is a bit of a reflection really as I had an abortion at 19.

I am a firm believer in pro-choice and everyone's situation is completely different so would never recommend what to do. In this instance though I can see there is no opinion from the opposite point of view so I'd like to put mine across but whatever you decide will work out for the best it always does

I was at uni but took a gap year in Ireland, moved in with my boyfriend there but a year later we split up and my pill taking lapsed (oops) so I got pregnant as we still slept together a couple of times after. We then got back together but things weren't good at all, I was living in a different country from my family, I was half way through uni and working on a supermarket checkout. Add to that abortion is illegal in Ireland and I'd have to fly to Liverpool and back if I went that route!

My initial reaction to the pregnancy test was to walk into the living room, throw it at my ex-boyfriend, sit on the floor and burst into tears!!! I spoke to my mum and she was very good (I know I'm lucky!). I literally had to weigh up the options for what to sacrifice and what I wasn't prepared to, e.g. education on hold (i would never finish the course I'd started, I'd have to do a different one and my student loan had been partly claimed), stay in the relationship or leave as I knew it would fall apart etc etc etc.

You're in a similar position so have the same decision. I obviously have not got the option of looking at what would have happened had I gone ahead with the birth but I do have the opposite view. I am now 29, have a beautiful 5 year old daughter and am expecting a son in 2 weeks! I split with my partner, went back to uni and got my degree, have done various decently paid jobs, had fun being single and with boyfriends, travelled, took up pole dancing (for fitness!) and met my current partner who is amazing. Had I kept the baby I would not now have my current daughter so one life is erased either way from my point of view. My life isn't perfect; I'm still renting, my daughter's father and I split up (although we're still close) and I'm still not 100% whether I want to be a civil servant still or go into teaching but my qualifications did give me that choice.

My reaction with my daughter was completely different despite my situation being not much better (living in a room over a nightclub, relationship on the rocks, no steady job at the time...) I was in Tesco, did the test and handed it to my friend, shrugged my shoulders and said, "well there we go then!", so I was obviuosly much more mentally prepared. So there we go, an opposite view point but I wouldn't change a thing 10 years on and have no regrets

 

[MyFavSurprise]

When I was 19 I got pregnant with a man I loved but he was with another woman and had a son, so I knew he wouldn't be there for me. He convinced me that I should have an abortion because then I could go back to the same lifestyle, and I could be with him, and I wouldn't have to change and it would be better for me, plus I could finish school and everything would be great and it just wasn't meant to be. I wanted the baby so much, and of course I didn't want to change how I was living either, but I was going to have to do it alone if I went through with it, I was going to have to move back home and stop partying for a while.

I didn't have it. For the first few weeks I was glad, and he was glad. And then I started regretting it and it has never left. I miss my baby every single day, now I am 22 and pregnant again with a man who I never loved and barely knew. Even having this child has not filled the hole in my heart that giving the other one up created, as much as I already love my baby regardless of the father.

After I became pregnant this time I told my mother that I had been pregnant before and she was surprisingly sad that I had given it up.

Even though I gave up the baby to party and finish school, I look back on the time between then and now and realize that the only thing I have thought about and been missing is my baby, I would have given it all up to have just had it. I knew in my heart that I wanted it. People tell you it's wrong to want to have your baby so young because of those things, so that you can party and finish school and do all those things you're "supposed" to do.. But it all comes down to what is in your heart.

Whatever decision you make, I hope it is the best one for you. Follow your heart.

 

[aob1013]

Can't talk about abortion on the forum so i will leave that.

At the end of the day, it's your choice and your baby. You obviously want your baby, so have it?

 

[Char.due.jan]

i really don't think adoption is an option. because even if i did do that i would still have to give up raving and everything for 7 1/2 more months for nothing good to happen in the end. and i wouldn't be able to go through making a beautiful baby just for it to go to someone else.

yeh i've told a few friends and they're supportive but they don't understand.

Eventually, nothing good is going to come from raving.

I do think you're being petty and selfish here. You chose to have sex with two different guys. You chose to not cover yourself with better protection. You are making the right decision to keep this baby inside of you, however...7 1/2 months is nothing in the scheme of your life. If you give the baby up for adoption you can go right back to your old lifestyle if you choose. If you keep the baby, you have 18 years of having to act like an adult and raise another human being.

If you think you can't cope without partying for years, I hope you seriously consider adoption.

that was a bit blunt since u don't know me...
i think i need to get used to the shock of my life being completely turned around.
all i was saying is that if i would be able to do it for nearly 8 months, i'll be able to do it forever and be a responsible mum. i am not going to consider adoption.

I don't think it is blunt though. Its an honest opinion one of which I agree with. If you are going to have unprotected sex then face the consequences of it. We can't talk about abortion on this forum so if you want to explore that option then I suggest you find a forum where that option can be talked about. I'd go to a counsellor if I was you to talk about your situation fully. But by joining this forum then it makes me feel you do want your baby, but to not want it for the lone reason of you want to carry on partying then I think that's very selfish and quite sad