Why do I just focus on the negatives?

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Second Trimester' started by EMYJC, Aug 24, 2009.

  1. EMYJC

    EMYJC Cautiously expecting No 2

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    All I can focus on since I got pregnant is my rapid weight gain (so far 5kgs), the spots all over my face, chest and back and the sickness and tiredness. I am really not enjoying it at all at the moment and its getting me down.

    I am being bad today too and have hardly eaten anything. I have been eating really healthily and trying to exercise when not too tired and still the weight has piled on!
     
  2. redpoppy

    redpoppy Well-Known Member

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    Maybe its just a hormonal thing? Do you usually feel low/negative?
    :hugs:
     
  3. EMYJC

    EMYJC Cautiously expecting No 2

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    Not really no, have been really happy- things just seem to be getting worse as this pregnancy progresses though. I feel I have come to a full stop.
     
  4. redpoppy

    redpoppy Well-Known Member

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    Aw hun! :hugs: In that case it must just be the hormones! Pregnancy can be horribly tough and not everyone enjoys it. I had a TERRIBLY sicky first tri and lost pretty much all excitement for the baby (which has thankfully returned WITH A VENGEANCE since the sickness ended!!!:happydance:) your body is going through probably the most major changes in the smallest amount of time that it ever will.

    As for your weight. You have to be the nurturing force for your baby and apart from exercising and drinking LOTS of water there's nothing you can do. Whatever you do do make sure you get a pregnancy multivit and enough calcium (I always mention the calcium as I can't drink milk :blush:) and just look after yourself. Eat as well as you can.

    As for worrying about excess weight, its natural but just know that most of us who do not have illnesses CAN work the weight off. Keep active; walk, swim, weights, yoga etc. just don't stress yourself out and after the baby, after a few weeks or months you can start to work out properly and really work it all off. You're going to be a MUM!!!! ad there's a gorgeous little baby in your belly and nature hath decreed YOU are to be its guardian for nine months. It may suck and be horrible but you're about to produce the greatest love of your life! :cloud9:

    A functioning body is a perfect body and don't let ANYONE including yourself convince you otherwise.

    As for your mood and negativity. If it continues or gets worse see a doctor or midwife. Also try doing things that make you happy. Music, movies, reading, chatting with friends. planning the nursery, making things. Whatever it is that lifts your mood force yourself to do it. And make sur eyou get enough rest and sleep. Pamper yourself.

    And let people in your life (close people, friends and family etc.) know how you feel and ask them for some of their time and love etc. People usually enjoy stepping up to the plate in those circumstances; its actually the asking that's the hardest part.

    :hugs:
     
  5. EMYJC

    EMYJC Cautiously expecting No 2

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    Thank you so much for your reply hun, I really do appreciate it. I am over the moon and so grateful to be blessed to be having a baby and I really do keep trying to remind myself of that. I was so, so body conscious before I fell pregnant though and always watching my weight. I didnt think I would pile the weight on so easily as I have been being careful and eating loads of salads and proteins and taking my pregnancy supplement. Looking at my weight though, it is really only 6-7lbs gained so far. Maybe my body needed to do this as I was borderline underweight before I fell pregnant. I have body fat scales too and have just noticed that I have actually gained 3% water and lost fat which is a bit more reassuring, guess it proves the weight gain is for the baby and not from overindulging. This sounds ridiculous too but I want my OH to still see me as the person he fancies and fell in love with, not as this fat, spotty, tired, depressed mess of a person. Maybe I am just putting too much pressure on myself.

    All that does matter is that this baby is healthy, and I will get there with all the changes and hopefully start to positively look forward to this new and exciting chapter in my life x

    I just feel this past week and half I have come to a full stop, just still exhausted and sick and it does make you look more negatively on the baby
     
  6. redpoppy

    redpoppy Well-Known Member

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    7lbs is nothing at 14 weeks hun! And your body will retain water. But the fact is that now you're having a child, you need to realise what's really important in life, that LOVE and happiness are ultimately the only things that matter. I KNOW (as I'm sure every woman does) that being body conscious is part of growing up but as a mother of a potential girl you have to prepare yourself to get out of that trap so that your daughter is less likely to think it so important as it causes misery as we all know. :hugs: Your OH must LOVE you and although men are visual creatures they also fancy people like Amy winehouse and Beth ditto and all sorts in between. It's not just about the way you look!

    You are carrying your OH's child and in most mature men that brings with it overwhelming feelings of love and protection. Go to him for those things. Try and work on the things which make you connect, the trust you've built, the good times you share, the falling into each others eyes, the knowledge of each other on SO many levels, familiarity and love and wonder. TO think just of the physical (which MAY dwindle for a while especially AFTER birth apparently) will just lead to negativity. You're AMAZING!!!! you have ANOTHER being in your belly!!!! Living and growing and you're healthy enough to carry it by some grace of God or nature. Its okay to feel down and negative so don't feel guilty about it. Of course the happier you are, the better EVERYTHING will be for you, your future, your OH and your baby but if your body is pumping you with hormones it makes you vulnerable so turn to your loved ones for support and see if you can come out of it. If not, it wont be THAT long till it all settles down.

    Best of luck!
    :hugs:
     
  7. Mitsuko

    Mitsuko Are we there yet?

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    Not all pregnancies are as rosy as people want you to believe! Your body undergoes a lot of transformations in a short time and it's sometimes hard to cope with them... Especially if you have an history of low body image! It's ok to feel down sometimes and you shouldn't beat yourself about it... As long as you still have your happy moments, of course!
     
  8. EMYJC

    EMYJC Cautiously expecting No 2

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    I think I am just going through the week of reality sinking in, of all the changes after the baby comes, like the massive drop when you end up on SMP, trying to get back to work on hours and days that will fit around childcare etc. I am just letting everything get on top of me.

    I feel so bad about these feelings, I want to just be happy and accepting of all these changes. Some days I am and some days Im not, and i know it is all the hormones. I will keep thinking positive and my OH has been really supportive, but I never really want to put all these thoughts on him of negativity as he works so hard with his business and the last thing he needs when he gets home is me going on with myself.

    I was even negative at my 12 week nuchal scan as the consultant said he was 80% sure I am having a boy, and had my heart set on a girl. That made me cry and then again I felt bad as this is my first child and whatever the sex I shouldve been over the moon so I disappointed myself again there for being so bloody ungrateful.

    I will snap out of this and focus more on the positives and fight these hormones, I really will, I am sick of hearing myself being so negative, it's pathetic, especially when there are so many women out there struggling to have a child.

    I have just watched underage and pregnant from last night and cried when I saw that beautiful little boy born. That will hopefully be me in 26 weeks time, thats what I need to focus on. Thanks guys so much for listening to me go on xx
     
  9. hivechild

    hivechild Mummy to Ronan

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    Ahh hon, I think scales are as bad for pregnant women as google is.

    I refuse to step on mine because I know that I'm eating healthy for the baby and that I have little control over how much weight I gain throughout the pregnancy. I'll let the doctors keep track of that and even my OB has told me what an expected normal weight gain is during my pregnancy is, that she really does not care how much I gain as long as the baby is gaining and I'm keeping healthy.

    I hope that you start feeling better about it all soon and can let yourself get excited about things. :)
     
  10. myasmumma

    myasmumma Mummy to Mya and Kacen

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    :thumbup:
     

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