Why do people say these things?

[Kiki1993]

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[MrsMandy]

Some people are stupid ignorant eijets!! (I'd put something stronger worded if I could!)
My sister has been unable to carry a baby but has 2 wonderful adopted kids and I defy anyone to say that she can't love them the way a biological mother would!! 😡
I understand love for family/partner is different to that which you have for your own child but to say what she posted is disgraceful (not to mention her grammar and spelling!)

 

[RainbowDrop_x]

I'm on the fence with this, i totally 200% do not agree with her behaviour! In fact I think it's disgusting, and I'm not agreeing with her sentiment on the subject, but for me personally I didn't know love until I had my daughter. That said its not something I ever say to people in conversation, it's a feeling more than a statement if that makes sense?

Does this girl know the social worker can't have children?

 

[HoneyBee144]

I wouldn't even waste my time feeling offended by what she said, it doesn't sound like she is in any state to comment on anything remotely related to parenting.

The love she is talking about is between a mother and child (or a father). I don't think it matters whether you biologically carried that child, their age or anything, if they are your child they are your child and that love is there no matter what. Just my personal opinion though.

 

[hayz_baby]

I personally try to avoid commenting on people like that status'. They never go down well at all.
A woman who can't look after her own children properly is never going to symphysise with those who are lttc. It will always b a loosing battle.
Me no I would and have never said anything close to that. I tend to avoid the whole "wait till h have kids" statement to the backseat non parents.

 

[Girly922]

I wouldn't take those Facebook pictures/memes to heart. I think they're more expressing the love many women feel from the moment they get that bfp. But I know my friend felt that rush of love the moment she got confirmation and a date that they'd be taking her adopted daughter home (as a couple they couldn't have kids). There is no way she loves her adopted daughter any less than I love my little girl.

One thing I can say though is that I didn't realise the intensity of unconditional love for a child before I had DD. I love my family, my nieces and nephews unconditionally, but when DD was born it was an intense level of love that I didn't even know existed. (Not sure how much that makes sense).

I would just ignore people like her to be honest. For spelling and grammar like that I think I'd have had to have deleted her a long time ago!!

 

[KalonKiki]

I think a more accurate and less offensive expression would be "You don't know what love is until you become a parent" essentially meaning becoming a parent by any means whether you have a child naturally, hire a surrogate, adopt, or foster. Hypocrisy pisses me off and this girl you mention certainly is a hypocrite. Excuse me, but if you abandon your children to fend for themselves without a proper sitter so that you can go party on a regular basis (or even on a non-regular basis without a proper sitter!) then you clearly still don't know what love is even though you've "pushed a baby out".

That being said, to answer your question however, I think a lot of people believe that you don't know what love is until you push a baby out is because they themselves never knew that they could love someone so much until they pushed a baby out. That's not to say that women that adopt, foster, or hire surrogates don't feel the same way when they meet their child for the first time. Becoming a parent is a wonderful and special feeling no matter the circumstance in which it happened under.

 

[Kiki1993]

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[Kiki1993]

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[Kiki1993]

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[Girly922]

No need to apologise hun, we all need to vent sometimes.

I know what you mean about toughening up though, I'm hoping to convert to be a school nurse once I finish mat leave and that entails a lot of counselling and a fair amount of liaising with social services. You just have to know how to not take your work home with you.

 

[RainbowDrop_x]

This is totally off topic but from the way you typed her response, without even looking at your location I could tell you were in Scotland

My mums side are Scottish and I literally read any messages from them in a Scottish accent because if I don't it doesn't make any sense They all type how they talk haha.

I admire the social workers respect for confidentiality though, it just goes to show she's a better person

 

[Kiki1993]

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[hani85]

I'm on the fence with this, i totally 200% do not agree with her behaviour! In fact I think it's disgusting, and I'm not agreeing with her sentiment on the subject, but for me personally I didn't know love until I had my daughter. That said its not something I ever say to people in conversation, it's a feeling more than a statement if that makes sense?

Does this girl know the social worker can't have children?

My thghts exactly, personally I also neva knew I could love another person as much as I love my daughter. That being said being a mother doesn't have to be a biological mother....

 

[spunky84]

She sounds like a vile person all around.

I'm sorry that you had to deal with that. Sounds like it's for the best that you deleted and blocked her. I really hope that there is something better out there for her kids - that's just really sad

As for what she said, there are so many different types of love and everyone feels love in different ways in different capacities and I don't think it's really fair to say someone doesn't know how a certain type of love feels.

 

[sandilion]

She's lashing out because of her own insecurities. She knows she's letting her kids down, and tbh it sounds like she doesn't love her kids enough if she keeps going out partying all the time. What a self absorbed idiot. Id delete her - people like that infuriate me.

 

[Inoue]

She sounds like a right one!! Keep your distance and try not to rise to her comments or remarks. Easier said than done when you live so close, but surely the kids will be put into care if she cant sort herself out. As the "You don't know love till you have a child" winds me up, kind of like them slogans on FB about having children ie: " before kids my wallet was full, but my heart was empty"..... I had an awesome time before having DD, my wallet was full, but so was my heart, just because you don't have kids, it doesn't mean your not capable of 'loving' someone/something.

Hope things go ok for you - head high hun xx

 

[Katy Bug]

I would never take someone who talks like that seriously anyway. Horrible spelling, grammar, stupid chat talk. It's annoying and childish.

About the "you don't know love until you've carried a child" thing, I have to agree with another that I prefer the expression "you don't know love until you've become a parent", in which case I have to agree. Before I had my son, there was not one person in this world I would have probably willingly died for if something happened. I love my son more than my parents, my husband, everyone I know. Crazy how you can love someone like that who has only been in your life for 18 months! It's true, but you won't ever see me tell anyone that expression, because I know how it is to hear annoying things when your'e pregnant or trying.

 

[purplecupcake]

I'm pretty annoyed right now, there is this mum on facebook, I went to school with her for 3 years before she got pregnant with her first at 14, she now has 3 kids which are highly monitered by social work because she is a party animal, like she goes out more than 4 times a week and she once left her eldest child who is only 6 to look after her younger child, the youngest being 2 and a half. Anyway she posted online how her dippet social worker doesn't know what she is talking about because she doesn't even have kids. Now we live in a small ish town and I know the social workers sister and I know that she can't actually have kids.
Anyway I commented
"I know your upset, but she is doing her job. And please do not say that, not everyone can pop out kids like you."
She then replied
"Yu dont no fck aw abut kids coz you have nun eiver, u will neva no what its like 2 luv til you hve felt a bby grow inside u so till thn shut up."

WHY do people think that you dont know what love is until you push a baby out, how does that make those who can't carry kids feel?!?!?? This girl irritates me so much! I work with children and have done as a student/staff for 4 years, in my personal life I have helped to raise a child who is not mine but I love with all my heart, I would adopt him if he needed me too. So for someone who abandons her children to party it is so hard for me to hear that you can only know love if you carry a child.

And I was shocked when people who are my friends were agreeing with her I just can't believe how HEARTLESS people are, how would they feel if they weren't fertile and all anyone says is,
"you don't know love till you carry a baby"
Then i started noticing the expression everywhere!! Those facebook picture with messeges you share, people say it a lot and now i just feel terrible. I could not imagine how hard it is for someone who can't have kids to hear that.

While I do agree with your sentiment about how ridiculous it is when mothers think anyone without children don't know this/that/the other, I think you were also out of line for commenting on her post how you did. My first reaction was "Not everyone can pop out kids like you" was a snarky and jealous way of poking fun at her for getting pregnant so young, so I wouldn't be surprised if she took it the same way.

I work with kids, and part of my job is to "train" parents which is very hard for me because most parents get very defensive when it comes to their parenting. So I'm totally with you on that. I have no idea what it is about having a child that makes some women think they are suddenly demigods that hold the key to the universe!

 

[Kiki1993]

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